Discouraged as anything

So I'm preop. On the 3 month diet thing through my insurance. Paid a hell of a lot of money for a trainer. I like the trainer as a person. Getting good workouts. Seeing results (enough to make me happy and for my friends to notice). Just one problem. The trainer is always late. Always. So I fired him. And I got the justification that it was nothing personal. Nothing personal at all. Just he was at the gym all the time, and since I work out at 6 am...he is just late. It was usually 5-10, which I was ok with due to it worked out to my advantage and I always got the time back. But there were 2 times more than 20 minutes and 1 time more than 30, and even though it hasn't screwed me up (well today it would have) I just feel that my time does matter. No matter what, I know I was right. But I have been crying pretty much constantly since it happened about an hour ago and I am losing hope. Which is just an awful feeling. And I am scared to go back to the gym. Old trainer got me new trainer. But I don't know if I can do it. I seriously don't know. It is hard enough to go to the gym at 300+ pounds, and now I just feel broken. And in about 10 minutes I have to go to the psychologist for my required behavior modification therapy. I don't think I will wear mascara to that session. I know I will make it back and I know I won't give up, but I am just so upset it's crazy. And my friends just don't get it at all, they say it's business. I say its very personal. Has anyone else just gotten like this on something that in reality isn't that big of a deal? Sorry this is so long, it kind of made me feel better to write my feelings out to people who might understand (not that my friends aren't great, they just don't understand). Jen

Hi Jen, I am forwarding you a condensed post I posted on a different Board. My first and last AND ONLY personal training session was the most hurtful and painful experience I ever encountered. At that time I was 5 9 1/2 and 275 pounds (when I first joined the gym I was 291.) The trainer did not even guess my true weight until I got on the scale. Well after the dreaded number popped up it was horrible. I joined the gym early that year and went 3 or 4 times a week. I usually did classes and kept up well with them (boot camp step aerobics, beginner's yoga, and beginner's pilates) and was very happy. But, I just was very clueless on the training equipment. I wanted a more balanced workout. So he told me to warm up for 20 minutes and he would then start my reps and explain every machine and what my points of focus were. I proceeded to the treadmill, inputed the 20 minutes, made the incline level 3, and made the speed level 2. I have strong legs and I prefer a greater incline than a faster pace (after all I have LARGE breasts.) 5 minutes into the warmup he came over and without saying anhything to me he changed my incline to 4 and changed my speed to 4. Not only was the incline at a stage I had never done, BUT, I was jogging to keep up. IT HURT. Every part of my body hurt and I could not handle it. I tried to bite my tongue and not say anything, I really did. I lasted on this for 7 minutes and then I got dizzy and slipped. I fell off the machine and broke 3 nails trying to catch myself and bruised both knees. Needless to say my money was refunded for my sessions and my complete membership and fees (they were extracted from my paycheck.) They were terrified that I would sue, but, honestly, I was sooooooooooooooo embarrassed I did nothing. A lawyer that was there gave me his card (I live in NYC and he worked for a large, reputable, and I must say cut-throat, law firm and he hated the trainer and wanted to drag him through the mud. In short, I'd just like to say that we are all not lazy. I was extremely active (I'm 28 now and was 26 when that happened) and believe it or not, most of us are aware of what our bodies can handle. I am/was fully aware. If he had taken the time to even ask any of the other instructor's or trainers he would have realized that I have a work ethic and was trying dilligently to do something to help myself. My story is very different from your's but, I did feel bad about what happened and even tried to tell myself it was my fault because of the weight. It's not about business right now, but you recognizing you are WORTH THE SAME QUALITY of care as everyone else. It's fine to feel frustrated, disappointed, and depressed. But, this too shall pass. Go back to the gym with your new trainer and be as devoted and diligent as you were with your past late one. Your old trainer is the one losing out because I am positive that he's lost a person that he could have toted as his STAR client. He's not worthy to be your trainer, not the other way around. you're doing great! meegan