Rambling LONG rambling...

Well its almost midnight and I couldnt sleep. Didnt know where else to turn so I came here. Thank God for this site. Oh man, okay well my issue is that Im just not motivated. Ive been in this stupid program for so long (almost 2 years) and I am just now getting on the ball. Ive lost a little over 13lbs in the last three weeks and I have 8 more to go before I can be approved for surgery. And I dont know, for some reason Im just not happy. For the first two weeks I was siked and I couldnt wait...now I just feel hopeless like its never going to happen. Besides now Ive never lost more than 7lbs in my life! So this is a huge change for me to be sticking with something that is actually working, and for some reason I just still feel like giving up. Every week when I get on the scale I feel so afraid that its going to be bad even though I know Ive done the best I could and then this week when I had a 3lbs weight loss I just said "oh, cool." I should be HAPPYYYY!!! But even though this may sound like it- Im not depressed. Ive been depressed in the past and this just isnt it. Its something else and I cant figure it out. Im not afraid of the surgery, Im not afraid of being thin, I think I just keep expecting myself to fail because in the past thats all Ive been good at and Im just not good at failing anymore and that is making me upset?? That sounds like the most ridiculous thing in the entire world, trust me I know this...but it almost sounds right. And tonight I just want to eat, for no reason- but Im not and I wont...but why do I feel like this? Ive wanted to get serious for two year and now I finally am. Im SOOO close- 8 freaking pounds. EIGHT! Ughhh. Okay I think I just needed to vent and that seemed to solve all of my problems but instead of deleting this I think Im just going to post it anyways so maybe someone can relate....or just tell me Im insane- whichever is welcome. Thanks guys for reading the insaneness of me. Goodnight, xoxo

Man, 2 years! That's a long time to be jumping through hoops. Feeling defeated is very understandable, but don't give in! You have eight pounds until you are in! DON'T SELF SABATOGE. You will make it! Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Good luck!

Thanks hun I need all the luck I can get! But as long as other people believe in me then I know sooner or later Ill really start believing in myself. Heck most of the time I do. Well anyways THANK YOU again.

Believe in yourself!!!! You can definately do this!!! 13 pounds in three weeks is awesome! Whatever you are doing is working, so don't get so discouraged. Congragulate yourselve for getting this far and don't give up whatever you do! Yah two years is a long time...I had to wait a little over a year and lose 20 pounds too and trust me there were many times I felt the same way you do...but ur only 8 pounds away!!! If you can lose 13 pounds you can definately lose 8!! Good Luck and keep us posted!

Thank you so much! I love this site and I feel much better today. I appreciate you taking the time to read this. But hey goodluck to you!! I see that you recently returned home. I wish you the best!! Ill keep you posted if you promise to keep me posted! You must be so excited! I cant wait until Im at the same place. But your right if I can lose 13 then 8 shouldnt be that hard. I WILL DO IT! Thanks again hun!