VENTING

Well... yesterday I decided to send an email out to all my close friends and family making them aware of my choice to have WLS and my upcoming surgery date. When I first decided to have the surgery I was not going to tell anyone and as I reasearched and educated myself... I also became more confident in my choice and the procedure. I also feel there is nothing for me to be ashamed of so why not tell. My point is I put it all out on the line knowing that there well be people that do not agree with my choice. Right now I have gotten 2 emails back filled with love, support and encouragement. The rest have gone unanswered. I dont know why but i feel angry....even though I knew that some people would not agree. My mother in law actually said to me after 20 seconds of no words "well have you ever tried weigh****chers?" grrr.... How do i deal with the people that just dont get it? How do I deal with the people that think this is the easy way out? maybe I should have jsut kept my mouth shut...

I thought the same thing when I contemplated who to tell. I have not told all of my family or friends and don't plan on it. I've told about 15 people in total and a few of them said the exact same thing. Coupled with "but you're not that fat!!! You just need to work out and join weigh****chers again." I must admit, I didn't handle their words the best way, I actually told them in a not nice way I had been in WW three times previously and it was good but, apparently it didn't work as I'm still pretty big." BUT, this was a good way for me because I am not usually mean, and I don't usually tell off my friends and family. I would suggest you really just tell them, if you feel they are owed an explanation (which believe me they really aren't) that you are doing what is best for your health and they should have trust in your decisions. wishing you luck maris!!! meegan

i like to play up the need for support. for weigh****chers, jenny craig or any kind of lifestyle change, a person needs support when overcoming an addiction and the people i discussed this with really saw what i was talking about. i considered my situation the result of an addiction. i liked to make comparisions between WLS and alcoholics anonymous. no one expects a recovering alcoholic to have "just a little bit" of alcohol every day for the rest of their life. no, we support their decision to remain sober even if we didn't realize the extent of their addiction. food addicts can't swear off their drug of choice. and people who don't have a problem often have a difficult time understanding those of us who do. your friends may not have realized the extent of your addiction (if you are comfortable with that term) or they may have to confront their own addiction to food if they agree you've got a problem. either way, i asked friends to support my choice for a healthier lifestyle, even if they didn't support the method i used to go about it. i also didn't look to all my friends for the validation i needed. that came from me. i decided to have this surgery, not my friends or even my family. in the end, that's what really counts because you can have the best support system in the world and still abuse your tool and not make the changes necessary to really deal with the weight and the reasons why you got there. and a bunch of well-meaning friends trying to look over your shoulder asking if you "really should be eating that?" can get annoying. enjoy their ignorance because it's all you anyway. frankly, a year later at 100 lbs. lighter and working out 2 hours a day, 4 days a week, i don't think any one of my friends who had issues initially can find fault with what i've done or think i'm taking the easy way out. i'm in better shape than many of my friends, indeed, i can say i'm in the best shape of my life right now and it feels great! -kari