having a holy crap moment!!!

so, i had surgery on the 15th, and all went well. i was feeling ok. i went home on the 17th, and then early the next morning, was rushed to the ER with what ended up being an infection. that was fun. i spend about a week total in the hospital. now, its been about 2 1/2 weeks. i weighed myself at the dr on monday, and again last night. i started this journey on the 15th at 300 lbs. i now weigh 268. that is a loss of 32 lbs. i dont even see it on my body, but i see it on the scale. how does one even dare to believe they are less when all they have ever known is more? i am in shock. but i am so happy i cried. and my family is happy for me too. now i fear the inevitable: hair loss and saggy skin. am i really so vain so that is important? hell yes. it wasnt the point, for me to be skinny or whatnot, just healthy enough to live life. but now im realizing that my body is gonna change in a major way. and i think i am actually pretty stoked about it. but all i keep saying in my head? holy sheet!!! and various other representations of the same term...usually enough to make a sailor blush. anyway, i had to share. thanks for reading.

I'm glad you're ok Misty!! Congrats on the huge loss too! In researching the surgery I knew about the excess skin and sagginess, but I thought it would not happen to me or I wouldn't mind it, etc... Well guess what.. lol... I do mind! I try not to obsess over it, but I see the sagginess, the excess skin, the arm skin flapping in the wind or when I extend my arm I see it swing. But you know what? I would do this all over again. I'd rather have folds of skin that having them be bulges filled with fat I'm beginning to love myself- skin and all and hey... they have surgeons eagerly awaiting our money to rid us of our skin.. so its all good chickie! I had surgery to save my life. I truly believe I would be dead by age 25 if I hadn't done it... I was 393, sad, miserable, in pain, sick all the time and felt alone in the world, I was borderline diabetic and hadn't menstrated for six years prior to add to everything else! Now I am 217 pounds, in love with life, excited about the future, don't have anymore pain and I've only been sick because I stuffed my face with something bad lol. A huge plus? I no longer feel alone. I know my parents love and support me, I have friends, I even have a boyfriend! Who woulda thunk it!? I surely didn't. Hang on for this ride, Misty, it's gonna be a wild one!!!!! *Jaci*

Wow, Jaci, You gave a great response and I took the opportunity to read through your journal and you've really documented soo many of the emotional issues that one goes through. I was reading and nodding my head to so much of what you wrote! Thanks so much for sharing. And Misty, Yeah, the skin will be an issue. But I can give you a tip that'll help with that - weight lifting! Exercise and lifting weights will help your body absorb that extra skin and replace the muscle we loose (that contributes to the overall flabby look). I've got some trouble spots that I'm feeling a little picky about. Whenever I change out of my pants and catch a glance at the belly skin I notice it and don't like it. But I am soo thrilled with the rest of my body that it's not something that bothers me all day. But seriously, I encourage you to channel your anxiety into some productive exercising and you'll really be glad you did. Take care, Kari

Thanks Kari!!! I Sure do love updating that profile! I'll have more pics up by the end of the week

thanks so much for all your encouragement. its so nice to hear other people that are having the same issues. lets just keep on trucking, and we will be as healthy as we wanna be, and yes, the skin can be removed....

That's the spirit Misty!!!! Revel in the positive! Roll with the punches... this is a crazy ride and I would definately get on over and over again if I had to