Dating Dilema

Hi all, I figured this would be a good place to post and get some feedback about my concern. Here goes: I am about 3 1/2 months out of surgery (had VSG) and feeling great. I've lost 32 pounds and am so happy that I made the decision to have the surgery. As I've been losing, I've been getting more attention from guys. One of these guys happens to be my best friend's brother. Now, she has been pushing for us to get together for years but for one reason or another, it just never happened. Either I was dating someone or he was, etc... About 2 months ago, we started hanging out. Now, the thing is, my friend knows about my surgery. She swears he doesn't know and I tend to believe her because she has always been very loyal to me. The thing is though, we've been out to dinner now a few times and each time, he has made a comment like "are you not enjoying your food?" or "not hungry?" because I can barely eat anything. It makes me so self-conscious and I know he isn't saying it to be mean or anything.. It's just my own insecurity. so... my question is... do I tell him? If you think yes, how do I go about telling him? The thing with my situation was that I started out with at 5'7"/210 lbs and got a lot of skeptical people telling me I "didn't need it". They didn't know how badly I'd strugged with binge eating and bulimia so they just didn't understand. I think it's too early to get into that stuff with him (don't want to scare him away!) but I just don't knwo how to go about it. With some of my other firends, I've taken a comical route, saying things like "I got my tummy cut out" when they ask why im not eating. I'm sorry im rambling I just don't know waht to do! All suggestions welcome!

ah, the classic "to tell or not to tell" decision. it's not an easy one. it's gonna be a harder thing to hide at this stage because you are in the rapid weight loss portion of your journey. he's really gonna notice you getting slimmer. i chose to tell my new boyfriend because i was making the surgery and it's resulting life changes a huge part of my life and didn't want to keep this from him. however, you may not be ready for that kind of intimacy. if you are not feeling sure, then don't. it may open up discussions that you are not ready to share with him (bulimia, etc). when he comments on the amount you are (not) eating, you can always respond with the truth - that you are cutting back on the amount of food - without going into the whole story. remember too, you're hardly eating now, but about 4-6 months out from sugery one usually can suddenly eat up to 6 ounces of food at a time which seems like a whole lot. this may freak you out. it did me. i was pretty tight lipped about the whole procedure until about 6 months out when the newness had worn off and the weight loss was significant before even telling all my friends. and not everyone knows at this point either. like you, i had a bunch of health issues (diabetes, high blood pressure and PCOS) that i didn't tell everyone about. i share different stuff with different friends. so the ones that knew all the health complications i felt knew enough to understand why i'd get this surgery. -kari

Your weight loss is probably noticable, so if you don't want to tell him about the surgery or why you had the surgery, just tell him that you are trying to eat less right now. That will give hima reason that you are losing weight without lying to him. You could also just tell him that you had abdominal surgery and your stomach seems to be more sensitive. If he asks what kind just be vague..."I was having some issues with my stomach...so they had to go in and re-wire some stuff." I would say that if you aren't even in a committed relationship yet, I wouldn't want to explain everything. So often with WLS, we have so many issues that brought us to making that decision and there is a desire to fully explain yourself (especially when people are used to people who have surgery to be "massive" and you weren't [I am in the same boat]). This may make a guy feel like you are too needy or have a lot of baggage (not a good way to start a relationship). Good Luck!

Very well put Jenn! I agree with Jenn....I definitely think you should tell him something so as not to leave him in the dark. Even if you decide to tell him everything, I think he would take it very well, especially if he truly cares about you and your well-being. I also think you owe it to yourself....dating in itself can be overwhelming, but when you have someone you know, can trust, and with whom you can be totally honest with, it makes things much easier....you want a person with whom you can be yourself, right? So, you'll figure it out! Good Luck! Lady D

Hi there! I'm 1 year post-op and I started dating my boyfriend about 4 months ago and when we went on our first date, I wanted to get this all out in the open. I was so nervous to tell him, but I didn't want him thinking I was one of those girls who didn't want to eat in front of a guy. So on our way to dinner, I flat out told him that I had stomach surgery. I had already told him i had lost a lot of weight, but I never said how i did it. Well he was very understanding and asked many questions about it, which was nice. He was cool with it. I'm glad I got it out in the open just in case I did scare him away, I wouldn't have been attached. haha! So I think it's all up to you and whatever makes you feel comfortable. Good luck!