Emotions

Hi everyone! I've been lurking for a while now, but hadn't posted because I hadn't progressed toward surgery at all. My insurance, Kaiser, requires that you wait on a really LONG list.. it happened to be for a year.. and then do a ten week informational class.. which is where I am now. After all the waiting, the ball is finally rolling.. YAY! But here's the weird thing. I feel like I'm on an emotional roller coaster. I know that this is the right thing for me and have no doubts.. but I just find that I'm a little depressed and sort of scared. I can't really pin down my emotions to explain it. I don't really know anyone that has gone through this before and can understand what I mean. All of the people in my WLS information class are much older than me, so I don't really identify with them. So, I thought I'd turn to you guys for help.. You all seem so supportive. I feel so bad, because my family keeps trying to get me to talk about everything.. but I really have nothing to say. Which is strange, because I think about this surgery all the time! :)

Hey Brook, You are nowhere near alone in your feelings. While your wait and rollercoaster ride was mandated by your insurance company, mine was self inflicted. When I first started looking into surgery I was too embarassed and ashamed to even tell my family, let alone actually get the ball rolling. Try telling your dr about the way you're feeling. He/She maybe able to give you something to help cope a little better with all that's going on. (chances are it won't affect your surgery approval) Otherwise, OH is a great place to talk to people or even just to read about what others are going through. I was lurking for about a week before I decided to jump on in. This is an incredible wealth of knowledge, advice, but most of all support. Keep you head up. It'll all be worth it in the end. Dana

Hi Brook, What you are going through is SOOO normal. I'm still jumping through the pre-op hoops myself. I am excited and I know that this surgery is the best thing for me... but there is this other little part of me. Lurking in the shadows that is doubtful. I have researched surgery for almost 3 years now. Everybody knows I am going for it and yet there if this part of me that is shaking in her boots (sometimes). I guess it is the general fear of the unknown. I don't know if you have had any kids, but this feels simular to waiting to go into labor. You know it's coming, you know that you have to do this (although surgery is WANT to do this), but at the same time after it's done, your life is FOREVER changed. Not that the change is bad, it's just different. And knowing that you made the decision to do this, the fear of "what if it's awful, what if I'm more miserable" is still there. It's normal to be aprehensive and it is normal to not want to talk about it (after all I am sure you have talked it to death before now). And I definately know what you are saying about age. I'm 26 and everybody on the other boards and in the support groups are old enough to be my mother (or at least my aunt). They really don't get me. Fortunately for me, one of my good friends has a husband who is going through the surgery. So although she has not had the surgery herself, she does understand. So we look forward to going out as couples and "sharing" a plate. It will get easier. Just remind yourself why you are doing this. And remember you are NOT alone in this. Krista

Hey Brook, I can completely identify with what you are saying. I am finishing up my pre-op testing so that my surgeon's office can submit to my insurance. It is ALL I think about. "What if they tell me have to wait six months, or what if they say no." I have been feeling really down lately too. I know that the surgery is what I have to do, so I know that is not what has me down. Sometimes I think that life after surgery is what scares me. I have never been thin, so I have no idea. I have been avoiding my friends and I am just kinda feeling depressed. I just don't know what to say to friends and family because I just don't know that they will understand. I am not sure I do. ( sorry for rambling) I guess you just gotta really have faith in your decision to have the surgery, and hope that it will be the first step in sorting things out. Know that you are not alone! Good luck with everything! Vanessa

Brook, I also feel your emotional rolls! I have been on Wellbutrin XL for two weeks in prep for me quitting smoking, which my doctor says I have to do 8 weeks before surgery and I am at 57 days from surgery. Just stick in there! And maybe we can all cry, laugh, complain, and scream together!!! Holli