I'm so glad to be back here.  Reading posts here really helps me get back into the right mindset!

I feel so much shame for my regain., I had the sleeve in 2011.  I lost about 140 lbs (high weight 360, low of about 220 or 215).

Then life started to happen.   Ok, saying that sounds like a deflection of responsibility.  Let me be clear - I am responsible for every pound gained. This is entirely my fault.

Cliffnotes are that I was in a cast to my knee for 2 months.  Then I got pregnant (yeaaa! Our 3rd baby was and is a welcome blessing!) Then I got an aggressive but treatable form cancer which I'm still in the midst of being treated for (boo!!).  Life.  It happens. 

So now I weigh about 260. :( I've gained about 40 lbs.  aren't cancer pateints supposed to lose weight?? Lol.  Sorry. If I don't laugh, I'll cry.

I feel stressed.  I feel tired.  I'm eating too much popcorn and chocolate.  I'm gaining weight. 

**sigh**. I'm mad at myself.

So life happens.  I lost focus.  But I'm so grateful.  I have a healthy baby.  I'm confident I'll be declared cancer free by next year.  I'm still 100 lbs below my high weight. Thank you, God!!

I feel exhausted and yucky most days.  Some is medical, some is psychological, some is the above confessed chocolate and popcorn.

I can turn this around.  right??  I have to!  The scale cannot go up anymore.  I'm here to get back into the right "losing" mindset and to not feel so alone.

Thanks for listening...  Sorry for the typos.  I'm posting this from a phone while poorly multitasking!!

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I was banded in 2009, lost 40 pounds in the first 6 months and then over the next 5 years yo-yo'd with 20-30 pounds. I was in a bad relationship and I was focusing my energy on helping my partner and hiding behind food instead of realizing that I needed to make myself my priority. I regretted my choice of getting banded because it was not as helpful of a tool as I thought it would be. I had not seen a dr for my lap-band since 2012, but still had restriction in my band. I ended my 7 year relationship in January 2014, just over a year ago, when I realized that I was unhappy and started making positive life changes and he would not support or get on board with them.

I lost 70 pounds last year by becoming active and eating good healthy foods. As I lost weight I started having more issues with getting stuck and being unable to eat. I was working out twice a day and unable to get enough food in some days, which was super frustrating. I ended up with a mindset that I was doing all this work all on my own, I didn't need my band, and it was hurting me, not helping. I made an appointment with a dr in January 2015 to get the fluid taken out of my band. Dr was pretty sure my band slipped causing all of my recent eating issues. He has given my 60 days to see how I do without restriction to determine how we move forward. He said if I do well and don't need the band he may remove it.

I am not doing as well as I thought I would. I was so excited to be able to eat again I wanted to experience some foods I had not had, so I treated myself. I have no reason to be overeating right now. I am still on my training schedule for workouts, I am in a great healthy relationship, work is going well...the only thing I can pinpoint was my band outlook. I was so convinced that I didn't need my band and that I did this on my own without it...now I am thinking no, I didn't and it is somehow taking away from my pride in what I accomplished.

I need to cut the crap again and get it in check. In the past month I have put 10 pounds back on and I have set myself back so far from where I was in my journey. I need to get it back in check. I don't want to be reliant on my band for the rest of my life. I want to try to get back on track without the band, but I need to accept that I may need it if I am unsuccessful on my own.

Any words of wisdom? I could use some.

I'm 33, so none of that fun yet. 

The diet mentality is tough for me. Before this regain I had stopped worrying about weight entirely. I was a size 14 sure, but I had lost 200lbs and was keeping it off. I felt fine. And I thought I looked fine, too. I weighed monthly and my weight was pretty stable. The most it had ever been in my entire life. 

And I don't understand why in the world my body would want to gain back 18lbs when it stayed where it was for 5 years. Effortlessly. 

When I'm dieting I weigh weekly. Right now, I can't take the mental torture of a diet program. I log my food intake but I don't weigh myself. There is nothing useful to be had in the depression that will result. So I don't.  When I choose a diet however, I stick with it for 3 months minimum. If I see no weight loss, no loss of inches and no loss of clothing size, I figure it's time to hang it up. Especially when the low carb was making me feel so crappy, I was just done with it. Feeling bad with no results is no way to go. 

Before THIS weight gain, I'd experienced gains of 3-4 pounds. And then I'd cut carbs back some and eat more protein and maybe exercise just a little more and the 3-4lbs was gone within 2 weeks. And then one day I noticed on the scale I gained 5lbs and tried the same thing with no results. And then the scale has kept going up slowly since.