Grads, I need your help!
I to understand what you are feeling. A lifetime of failure is hard to deal with. I am not used to success in this area. I have been upseting my family with my negative body image issues lately.
Today I was working on a scrap book for my daughters graduation and came across many photos of me pre surgery. OMG! I have changed. I found one taken 2 weeks before surgery! I had two emotions. Pain and joy. Pain to see myself so large and sick. Joy that I am healthy. The fear of turning into that again is kinda good for me. It keeps me on track. I obsess off and on but it passes.
Healthy fear is a motivator, if the obsession lasts indefinetly I would consider asking for help.
laurie
Laurie, I sure know what you mean about looking at old pics! It's so bittersweet. The first time I saw an old pic of myself I just cried~for how bad I looked, b/c I couldn't believe I had let myself get that big, for the fact that I didn't have to live that way anymore~so it was a happy and a sad cry. I guess that's what's scaring me right now~I DON"T ever want to be that again! Thanks for your reply and understanding.
Tracy B
328/154
5'9
Tracy I feel your pain - I am also about 16 months out and terrified now that I can eat more, that I will regain the weight. I weigh every morning - first thing...and I find myself panicing if I am up a few pounds. I have to remember not to overreact, which I believe I used to do at 283 pounds and then when my body didn't overreact with me I would give up and say oh well might as well eat....NO I will not do that - so when I am up on the scale (like yesterday because I really enjoyed myself this weekend) - I have to remain calm and realize that even those that have never had a weight problem go up on the scales - the only difference is they (either consciously or unconsciously) control their eating for a few days and the weight drops back down.
Lately I have been snacking - my night time is and has always been the worst time - inactivity makes me stress out and I have to find something to do with myself because If I don't I eat....I suffer from head hunger mostly at night - I know exactly where you are...and I keep telling myself this is just nuts - to let my "mind" and desire for food to consume me - I am also searching for the answer and cure - will let you know if I find it.
Hi Alice. Well, its good to know that I'm not the only one that the scales moves up a pound or two on from time to time. You are so right~I need to remain calm, LOL, easy said than done for me right now, but I'm going to try! This definitely is a head game right now and I just want to win!
Tracy B
328/154
5'9
Hi, Tracy! Add me to those "feeling your pain" BIGTIME! I'll be three years out in September, lost from 270 to 160, am back at 180 now and struggling mightily to stay there! I'm pretty disgusted with it all at this point, and just don't know exactly what to do to keep myself in control. Maybe I need counseling too - I'm terrified of regaining, but I also can't keep myself consistent in doing the things I know will help me to keep the weight off. I will do great for several weeks at a time, then PMS will kick in and all my good works go out the window. It's like I lose a week every month because I can't control what and how much I eat during that time. And I can eat a lot - believe me. It scares me how much sometimes. So I know now that restriction is no longer going to help me. What I need to do is control the "what" part of my food intake, and I'm not really doing well with that either. I never dumped, so sweets and chocolate are still my big demons. I'm not real consistent with exercise either - I was actually better at that when I was heavy than I am now. I guess you're getting the idea that I'm not a real disciplined person - duh! Makes sense that I would have let my weight get out of control in the first place. My head hasn't really changed, so I'm still dealing with the same shortcomings that I had prior to WLS.
Sorry this wasn't a lot of help to you, I'm sure! You sure struck a nerve today, and now you know that the rest of us have the same fears you do. If I come up with anything useful, I'll certainly share with the group here! Best wishes to you, Tracy.
Carlita
Thank you Carlita. Its good to know that I'm not alone in my feelings, although I don't wish these feelings on anyone. We go thru so much to have wls and I didn't go thru all of this to fail! I just don't feel like my head is on straight right now. I know we can all do this and I'm not going to let food (or anything else) stand in my way of being happy and healthy! Good Luck to you too!!!!!!!!!
Tracy B
328/154
5'9
Tracey,
I don't think there is a single WLS person out there who doesn't worry that he or she will gain the weight back. However that being said there is a difference between genuine concern and outright obcession.
IF you think you are crossing that line then I think a therapist would be a good idea. We don't want to trade one eating disorder for another. Frankly I don't know of too many of us who couldn't use a therapist from time to time. I know I have and it has helped.
As for me right now? I don't get on the scale every day. In fact I don't own a scale anymore. I'm still in the losing mode and it is slow going. I get too depressed if I "watch" the scale. One day I got so mad at it I shot it. (see profile for complete story) So I don't own one. It's much healthier for me in the long run.
{{{{hugs}}}}
Pat
Most Active
Recent Topics
