Grads, I need your help!

I hope I can explain clearly all that I am feeling. I am 16mths post op, my weight is hanging around 154-156 and I am VERY happy with that! I have been feeling very strange lately though. I am soooo afraid to regain any weight~it terrifies me. I have gone from weighing once a week to weighing daily again b/c I'm so worried. I can eat so much more now~I try to make good choices. I still go to support group meetings monthly and I'm here all the time looking for wisdom. I keep up with my exercise and have grown to enjoy doing it. I just feel very unsure and uneasy right now~like I'm going to make a mistake, gain weight and not be able to gain control back over myself. I have always had a fear of failure and strive for perfection in everything~not the best trait to carry with you on a daily basis. I seem to be the hungriest in the afternoon between lunch and dinner time~I'm never hungry in the morning but make myself eat something to get my day started and I'm rarely hungry in the evening. I do have emotional eating issues, but keep them under control most of the time. Things have just gone so fast going from 328lbs to 154lbs. Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled with this, but it scares me too. I don't feel that I am depressed, but I do feel VERY stressed right now from worry over weight gain. I guess b/c every "diet" failed and I ALWAYS gained the weight back (and then some!) and I so do not want that to happen this time~it would kill me mentally, physically, literally. Can anyone relate to what I'm saying? Has anyone gone thru this and come out on the other side ok? Do you think I need to seek counseling? If so, how would I find someone with Bariatrics as a specialty to talk to~thru my surgeon or pcp? I am so afraid right now and that's why I am reaching out to you for your wisdom and advice~thank you in advance!

Oh Tracy - I am right there with ya! I have always weighed myself daily. I refuse to get on the scale once a month - or even weekly - and see a huge gain. When I see the daily changes then I know what I did wrong, or right, the day before. My biggest problems are water weight gain. I can increase by 10 pounds within a couple days and it really takes weeks to go back down, even doing everything right. Can be very frustrating, and I'm told not to weigh everyday, but I do, so there I am... I am concerned, too, about developing an eating disorder of the "not-eating" kind! I am obsessed with staying below goal (goal was 153, got down to 145 and now am fighting with my body at 153 again!) and seeing how low I could go. I realized it was a bad thing, especially when people started telling me that I was VERY gaunt in my face and neck and I even thought I looked alot older, the thinner I got. Still, I couldn't stop the thinking that "just a couple more pounds, then the regain, even from water, wouldn't freak me out so much." Well, I lost to 8 pounds below goal and still felt like I needed a larger cushion to play with. I realize it is not HEALTHY to think this way and I consider myself emotionally stable, but... After all these years of FAILING at dieting and regaining massive amounts, I just can't seem to accept the fact that I am actually done. I, too, am scared to death to return to past behavior and poundage, and fear that no matter what I do, it will happen. One of the things that is hard, too, is that the "instant reward" of seeing the loss everyday is gone. It was sooooo much fun to melt and feel the inches going and to have people notice. Gave me su*****entive! Now, I am kinda disappointed when the scale doesn't move - even tho I AM DONE!!! What's with that?! I think support groups are great - if you can find one with people who are at the maintaining phase, too. Otherwise, all the discussion pertains to newly post-op. Maybe counseling would be wise, I don't know. Hopefully, the longer we live at our goal the easier it will be to accept the fact that we just might win THIS war, THIS time!! Hopefully! Good luck and please know that you are NOT alone. Linda -208 (right now -200 AAAKKKK!)

Thank you Linda. I understand so much of how you're feeling too. I'm like you in the fact that I want to keep going lower and lower~even if its not whats best. It felt good to see the ##'s going down all the time and now when they stay the same or ahhh go up a pound or two I'm freaking out. I agree that having a cushion to play with makes me feel better too. The carbs during the day might be causing my hunger~I don't do alot of carbs, but even doing a small amount can make you crave food in general. I'll have to take note of that! Thanks again! Tracy B 328/154 5'9"

I wanted to say, also, that the afternoon hunger is very hard to deal with. For me I have found that if I eat ANY starchy carbs before 3-4 o'clock then I am "ravenously starving" in the early afternoon. (I know it is NOT hunger, but carb cravings. But, feels like hunger!) When I do protein with a few vegies up to that point and stick to the carbs for dinner, then I am fine. ??? Something to consider.

Tracy, I can so relate. I am feeling the same way, I get on the scale everyday, more than once usually. I am trying to deal with the stress and worry of regain. I try to be diligent in my choices, although not always good, I do comply 95% or more of the time. It is amazing how much I can eat now too, I know it wasn't what I ate pre-op but still so much more than the first 9 month.....scary. As Linda said, I miss the joy of seeing the scale move everyday, the wow moments and such kept me motivated. I've got alot going on in my life right now and I'm stressed, wondering if maybe depression is creaping back in. I'm going to consult with my PCP to see if maybe antidepressants are needed, I want to feel happy and I'm not there now. Well, just stay diligent Tracy, work hard and lean on the support you have at home, your support group and here. Hugs, Dana

Hi Dana! Thanks for your kind words. I know what you mean about the scale moving everyday~that was such an awesome feeling. maybe I just don't realize that I am really at goal?!?!?! I still want to see the ##'s dropping. I try to be very diligent with my diet too, but I am far from perfect~some days are easy and some days are not so easy. I hope your appt with the pcp will help you to feel better soon too! Hugs, Tracy B 328/154 5'9

I worried from the day I had wls that I'd regain, so I do understand. I am now at 27 months and just beginning to accept if I keep up my exercise/food program that I will be able to maintain. I've been at this weight for almost a year and find that each month gives me more confidence. Some of us will just have to take it one day at a time until we gain the confidence in ourselves. Sometimes I think the fear is a good thing though. It certainly keeps me on my program. I too scare myself some days with the amount I can eat now. Last week I ate an entire hamburger (including the bun) for lunch and then freaked out. The next day I ordered a hamburger, ate half of the patty (no bun) and could not eat another bite. It was a bad week for me eating wise, but I didn't gain any weight. This week I'm back on program and eating healthier because I'm mentally more comfortable when I'm eating healthy. Only you know how freaked out you are about the weight, but if you think your fears might drive you to start eating I'd say yes seak therapy. Otherwise just take it one day at a time like I did, and you will realize at some point that the weight is going to stay off as long as you follow your program. Best of luck.

Pat, you give me hope for the future! I guess it makes sense~if I stick to the program and what got me to goal in the first place, I shouldn't have any problems maintaining. Some days its hard, but I keep trying! I'd say I'm pretty freaked out at this point~I'm feeling very overwhelmed by all of this. Thanks for your advice and Congratulations to you on maintaining!!!! Tracy B 328/154 5'9

Tracy, I've been a "daily weigh-in person" from the very beginning. Still am. I don't let it "get to me" though. If I'm up a pound, I just adjust my exercise that week Or cut out a few carbs/fats. It has made it far easier "For Me" to just have small adjustments And NO Big Surprises. It's stressing you out though? Then I'd go to a councilor. To find one that may have WLS insight, Ask at local support group or give a few a call and just ask. I'm coming up on year 3, and have been at stable below goal for over a year. Doesn't mean I have any "insight" just lucky on "this part" of the journey. Go into counseling with a clear goal of getting/learning Coping mechanisms that will help you relax into your new life. If you just go in for "stress, or overwhelmed," those folks have a knack for "Going around the cup twice to find the handle," as it were.... Sounds like you've done great with your WLS. Now, get to enjoying it! Best Wishes- Dx

Thank you so much! I feel better that someone else weighs everyday, LOL! I agree~I like to know what's going on so I can make a small adjustment rather than having to fight to get 5 or 10lbs off. You have done such a fantastic job and it's seeing and reading about people like you that lets me know that this thing CAN really work! I also have to agree with you on the fact that I need some counceling~its just getting up the courage to make that phone call........Thanks again! Tracy B 328/154 5'9