People that attend Support Groups

Michelle, I do feel offended. I also have started up the process of chatting with others about this situation.....She did reply back to me last night that it was her decision to do this because they are crunched for room and she has to consider other people's feelings in room. Like I said I came late so there was no intro of who my husband or I were...she knew because we are active in the big group at the hospital and do intros there. I would like for her to understand that its a big process and I won't be the first person nor the last to bring a support person to one of these meetings. I guess her next meeting she better make the annoucement that she wants it to be RNY people only. I spoke to my therapist about this situation....she is associated witht the program at the hospital. Its funny its a great big hospital and she is complaining about getting rooms. Is it the hospital is not behind this program? I am now wondering if that is the issue. Debbie

Yep, I go every month, in fact I started the one in my area 5 years ago. I ask them to bring their support people with them. They need to know what is going on with us and what to expect. They are a big part of our recovery. Darlene

I'm here to chime in with my 2 cents =) Even though I do NOT attend support group meetings. The reason why is I tend to be pretty shy around people, and I had a bad experience with my surgeons support meeting the one time I did go. There were a group of three older post-ops there, and I was only 3 weeks out of surgery. I was asking questions about certain foods, and I overheard them and the nasty talk they had for me. Sitting over there, whispering and looking at me like I was scum. "When I had surgery I didn't eat for a month, and I was glad of it!" "She will never make it" blah blah blah, etc and so forth. Then I overheard them picking apart other people, whispering and so forth. I decided to never go back. Who needs that kind of negativity? I think its downright irresponsible to not allow support persons to attend meetings with you. My surgeons protocol REQUIRED at least one support person, friend, family, lover whatever. I can't comment on what this persons reasons are, or if they are telling the truth or not. But I think you should just look elsewhere. They obviously haven't any idea what real support is, and who needs that frustration? Michele

I am over 3 years out and I do still attend support group meetings. I cannot make all of them due to scheduling conflicts from time to time, but I do try to get in as many as I can. I no longer go to the meeting offered by my surgeon as it had become more of a "Brag about how I can out-eat my pouch" meeting instead of informative and supportive. I don't know why it's like that, but it appears to me that many of the pre-op candidates are not doing their research. Questions like, "Can I have cake 3 weeks after surgery, cuz that is my cousins wedding and well I will NEED to have cake?" those questions weigh heavy (pun in tended) on your heart after a while. I go to another group in town from another Dr. That being said, even at MY surgeons group, SO, spouses, etc. are able to attend, and if I am welcome at a group for another Dr. entirely, SO, spouses, etc. are also more than welcome. I can understand your upset. I too would be annoyed. It is in bad form altogether in my opinion. Traci 303/131

Debbie, I'm only 15 months out so I hope you don't mind my responding. My hubby attends our monthly week-night dinner meeting (held in various restaurants) but chooses not to attend our monthly Saturday meeting. He and all other support persons as well as pre-ops are more than welcome to attend our meetings. They often talk among themselves & compare notes as the wls persons "on the other side of the knife". I think it is good thing for him AND me. He hears that the things I'm going through are not too unusual and ways he can help me be successful in my wl journey. I depend on him for daily encouragement and moral support so I'm glad the group is willing to also nurture and support him as he makes this journey with me.

I see a common theme here....everyone likes the idea of support people attending with them. I wonder does this Director really understand us? I am so happy I have other groups I go to....its a shame I do like to mix it up so its not the same old stuff. But if my husband is not welcome neither am I. Thank you for all your responses. Glad I was not the only one feeling this way about Support Groups! Debbie

If it were me I would contact the support group co-ordinators supervisior and discuss it with them, In person if possible. If you cant do that a phone call/ letter etc. If you don't get anywhere with that, go up the chain. I had surgery at Barix over 3 1/2 years ago and occasionally still attend support groups and will as long as I need support which likely will be for life as the RNY is for life. They encourage support people to attend. people bring husbands, mothers, sisters, best friends, etc. support is not just a group of strangers, it means including any of the people who are important in your life. They should be happy for you that you have a supportive husband. I have never been able to get my DH to a meeting with me but keep asking him every time I go. He is supportive in other ways. I mainly want him to go for him. He is in the morbid obesity range himslf, and has sleep apnea, reflux, bad back, bad knees and low energy. I love him and want to help him.

I go to my support group meetings monthly. It is important enough to me that I actually use my vacation time since I work at that time of day so have to take ff from work. To me the meeting, even if the speaker is crummy, revitalizes me. I agree with everyone that it is unfair to you, however, I was interested in your remark, "He can talk the talk without the rearranged plumbing! " especially the "talk the talk" part. Could that be the reason? Perhaps the co-ordinator feels he is monopolizing the conversation. We have a husband who attends with his wife & to be honest, I wish he didn't. He is very negative about everything, especially our surgeon and he makes it difficult to have a good discussion. He also always has an opinion to state. Now, I'm not saying that is the case with your husband but perhaps someone has complained, especially if he joins in on the conversation more than they think he should. I know some gals in our group feel that the support person should just listen because they only know what we are going through second hand. Do talk with the coordinator & let her know how you feel. Perhaps she will be more honest with you this time. Good luck & I applaud your husband for being such good support. There are few husbands who are willing to sit through these meetings. Dixie

Dixie, Actually this was the first meeting for this group. My husband didn't say anything at the meeting he just sat there in the meeting and listened. I did talk a little. I did send her a message and stated my feelings. I did tell her I would not be there this month and I would have to think about future attendance to this group. I just feel like why did I choose this program when they can't help me with support. Thank you for your comments on hubby...he is appreciated here alot! Debbie

Hi Debbie, Because there is not a support close enough to my home to attend, I don't attend a WLS support group. I had surgery 3 hours away from home, and they do have a group there, but that's just too far for me to drive every month with my schedule the way it is. So, therefore, I decided to go to Weigh****chers for the support. It's been great. My daughters, who are not WLSers go also. I kind of do a combination of the flex points plan and the core plan....in order to fit in my dietary requirements, but also to keep track of how much I am eating. I absolutely love it. I would NOT attend a group where my support system could not attend, and I would have been terribly offended. Your husband sounds like a God send!!!! You have done so well with your journey and look absolutely wonderful!!!!. I'm so proud of you!!! Hugs, Teresa