People that attend Support Groups

I wanted to take a poll on the people that attend support groups that are out 2 years. Do you find them helpful? Do you mind if support people attend the meetings with you? Or do you prefer to keep it with just people that have had WLS? I am curious to see the reactions to these questions because of an incident I recently had happen to me. My husband is great support, he eats the stuff I eat, drinks protein shakes with me (God to love a man who will drink them of his own free will) and attends the meetings with me. One Group Coordinator contacted me and asked I not bring him to next meeting....excuse 1 was they were tight on space on rooms they could use for these meetings okay maybe I buy into that but let me tell you the first meeting had 10 people including my husband and I. They do a lot of surgeries down there and can fill an auditorium of 200 and the end of the month's support group....its a requirement that people attend at least two before surgery and most of the time you never see them again. They are trying to start a smaller group for support aimed at people 1 year and out. I thought it would be a change and decided to attend. I guess I should not have gone there. I was very upset with getting the email telling me to keep hubby home. I am not into this RNY Club thing.....I think anything I discuss in these meetings can be heard by anyone. I don't think I am so unique that I have to sit in a room with only RNY people to discuss issues. The issues I have also affect him as well....Perhaps I am being very narrow minded but I just don't want to be associated with a group like this. My husband has been attending many of the meetings I go to in DE area. They just love him. He is a support person to all that attend. He can talk the talk without the rearranged plumbing! I would be very interested in hearing what others think. Debbie

Yes, I attend a support group and have since surgery. I have no problem with support people attending with a WLS person and, in fact, our group embraces them as an important part of who we are. Our local support group is for people who have had WLS and not surgeon or surgery specific. Personally, I dislike support groups that are part of a single specific program because I find that the information given out tends to be VERY inbred. I know from personal experience that most programs are lacking and we as WLS post-ops need to hear from more than one perspective so that we can make informed decisions. I am sorry that your group as requested that your husband not attend. If not for our husbands, SOs, and family we would likely not be able to make it through all that is required for surgery (or at least we would not do so nearly as easily and with a better chance at success). The only reason why I can see a support person not being welcomed would be if they tend to try to take over the meeting, but other than that they should be welcomed as an integral part of the process. Sandy

I agree with you about the support person taking over meeting...my hubby doesn't do that as a matter of fact that meeting we attended I don't think he said two words. I don't like the idea that they want the group to be WLS only. You don't really learn much in groups like that....I want to understand everything....Glad there are others like me! Thanks for your response. Debbie

Debbie, I'm coming up on year 3. I still go to support group and really like it. Before, I was Picking Up more info- Recipes, places to buy stuff, etc... But now, I find I'm Giving Out more info. And That's Great Too. There are folks there that I've kept up with For over 2 years. We meet every month, and some of the group Also meet at seminars a second time a month. I travel a lot so I miss about half of them. Our group is a complete mix of RNY'ers, LAP-Banders, Pre-Ops, Post-Ops, and everything in between. A lot of spouses attend, as do sisters, mothers, children, etc... Usually there is a focus to the meeting- (Nutritionist is there for Q&A, Clothing Exchange, Recipe Swap and taste, etc...) The 2 surgeons associated with our group often drop in, About every other month. Sometimes just a quick pop-in to say "Hey" But often they will sit through and discuss with the group. Then again, this is small college town in the South, To be "Stand-offish" is just Rude. The Bariatric Clinic here is one of the "Centers of Excellence" But the Docs are just "Down-Home Folk." The support groups are less like AA and more like Little Family Re-Unions. Always photos of the kids/grand-kids passed around. Don't know if all this babble helps, Just a description of my support group.... Spouses are More than Welcome in my group, Expected! Best Wishes- Dx

Dx, That is how the groups are that I attend in DE. I had surgery in Philly and thought it would be nice to be in that group as well. I see I was really wrong and I am so glad that others have groups like the ones I like and are still enjoying them! Yes the DE ones are like family and when you miss one they are there to say they missed you. Its the sweetest thing! Thanks for the response. Debbie

Debbie, I think that's horrible. I'm not 2 years out but attend our monthly support group meeting at the hospital I had surgery out. It's open to everyone no matter what type of surgery and spouses, SO, family are also able to attend. I'd be quiet upset in your situation, doesn't make sense to me why they wouldn't allow it. Dana

I was told its because they are having problems getting a room and with more people wanting to attend its difficult to allow a support person to attend. I don't like it...and I don't think I will attend again. I do have other groups I attend...I just wanted to be part of one where I had my surgery. Oh well life goes on.....Thanks for the input. Debbie

I attend 2 support groups each month, one for my surgeon and one for any surgery type,any surgeon. Both groups welcome the presence of our support network, be they family or friends. Both groups welcome questions from anybody for discussion. I think it is very short sighted of your groups to disinvite non-surgery people. Sue O.

Debbie, I do not attend a support group, but come to this site and the main board nightly for an hour or so so keep me focused. I read the posts, questions, topics, etc., to my husband who has been very supportive. I went to a group for about two months before and two or three months after surgery, and he went with me every time. It made him understand who I am and what my needs are. I feel it is very important for those around you to be in the know about many things. As a matter of fact, I was thinking the other night that I need to write down and go over this with my daughter any issues I have as a WLS patient and go over them with my daughter, God forbid anything happened to my husband and I was left unable to care for myself. Little things like I can't guzzle water; I have different bowel movements than the "normal" person; I have to have at least 1 or 2 protein drinks daily; I burp like a trucker but that's a good thing, and I don't mean not to be a lady; I have gas which is sometimes uncontrollable; once in a while I get deathly ill with a particular food (many times I don't even know myself which one), but if the person is patient, even though I think I might be dying, give me 45 minutes and the toilet and I will eventually be okay; and I could go on and on and on. If my hubby had not attended all the meetings, read all the literature, and scouted with me the support groups online, he would not understand all of this. I think you are right in feeling that your hubby should be allowed, and if I were you I would find another support group that welcomes your support staff, whoever that may be, with open arms because we WLS patients live in the real world with real people and they need to understand what it's all about. Missy (268/120 - almost 3 years out).

I'm not quite 2 years, but I have been attending my surgeon/hospitals support group every month since my surgery. When I first started there would be 10 people, the past couple months it's been closer to 30. MUSC has become a Center For Excellence and with a 3rd surgeon added to the group they have more patients. We have a theme each month, and usually a quest speaker. We have done protein taste testing, exercise psychologist and practice exercises, therapist cirle with a honest to goodness shrinkie dink, the surgeons have come for Q and A, and the group is run by 3 nutritionist. All are welcome from those just curious, pre-ops, post-ops, family, friends etc. I have taken my best friend before, since I do not have a SO. I see plenty of others take friends, family, SO, spouses. I think it's wonderful that these people want to be apart of and know what others are dealing with so they can be more help or supportive of their own WLS supportee. I would be totally offended if they told me to come alone. I forsee the meeting getting bigger, and us needing a new place, but its a huge hospital there are other places we can go that hold more people. The day they forbid "support" to come to a support meeting will be the day it is no longer a support group but a class room. There is another group that meets weekly at a local bar ( I get the impression its like a cheers kinda setting) and it even gotten a write up in the hospital paper. I'm still working my nerve up to go, they sound friendly enough... For you, I would be offeneded. I would complain to several different areas to see if they all know your spouse was being excluded: the surgeon, the hospital administration, the other regular attendees. Make a stink, see what others think. It should not be about cattle, and how the heck can 200 people possibly give everyone a chance to ask questions, share experiences, and feel comfortable? Maybe they should break that down and like you said definitely get a group for 1yr plusers. They could get volunteer 1+s to go to the newbie meetings to help out and answer questions etc. Those people without support, need to see that not all SO's are unsupportive. With so many women being the main WLS patient, to see a husband sitting either quietly or actively next to his wife/SO is wonderful proof to those single patients that think all men are @#$@%!@. Stand up for your wonderful support, because when you leave that meeting those people stay behind and he is still by your side. Mic