Really Discouraged!

Hello friends. I haven't been posting much lately, because frankly I haven't felt that I have much contribute any more. Also, all the drama concerning censorship and banned members has been somewhat intimidating and saddening to me. I hope that this is still a place that we come to support each other in this struggle called obesity! That being said, I am continuing to struggle mightily. I have regained almost 40 pounds now from this time last year. All of my size 4/6 clothes have been traded in for size 10/12. I feel terrible. I don't know what to do. I can regain control for a few days and drop a few pounds, but then my weight starts creeping up again. I've tried going back to basics, upping the protein, upping the exercise, nothing seems to be working. I always end up feeling hungry and deprived, just like back in the "bad old days" when I was MO. I really need some encouragement and advise desperately! I don't want to go back to where I was, but with each passing day I can feel myself giving up hope. Help! Can somebody throw me a lifeline? Lelina 298/132/168

Lelina, Whatever you do, don't give up hope. I'm not as far out as you and I already struggle with this. Over the course of the weekend I ate a whole bag of sixlets along with a solid chocolate bunny. I think that was probably an extra 1000 calories. And I wonder why I struggle with the same 10 pounds. I can not get below 200 to save my life and I get mad and give up. Then I will get over it and start again and lose some more. It's hard. It always will be hard. But we've got to keep fighting. I was looking forward to losing my weight and getting to maintaining and eating about 1800 calories a day. But I gain on that. I've just had to accept that my body is efficient and that I will never again be able to eat more than about 1500 calories a day. Is it fair, no! But it is what is for me. I will have to count calories every day for the rest of my life to not wind up where I was. But I'm willing to do it because I'm much happier now than when I first began. Are you exercising? If not, find something that you like to do. Trading muscle for fat will help you lose some weight and burn calories even when you're not working out. You CAN do this. Just take it one day at a time. Set daily goals for yourself and don't worry about yesterday or tomorrow for today has enough worries of its own. I know I probably wasn't much help, but I do hope I encouraged you. Lily 374/205/177

Thank you for your encouragement Lily; I really appreciate your kind words! It's comforting to know that I am not alone in this and that others struggle too. We have both come a long way from where we were, and sometimes I guess I forget that. I will try harder to set mini goals for myself and just take it one day at a time. Thanks for responding! Lelina

I just had to respond directly to you, because yes I am struggling too. Yes I want to be in control, but when I read your post my immediate response was "Yummmm, sixlets, now I wonder where you buy those". Can we say out of control? Dawna

I don't have much to offer except that you are not alone in this. I am 4 yrs post op and have gained about 10 pounds back. All I can do is look at where I was(obese, unhealthy and uncomfortable) and where I am now. Try to be kind to yourself, others beat up on us enough. Take it one meal or snack at a time. Hang in there. Every day is new with no mistakes.

Thank you for responding Kim! I know that I am still far better off than I was 2 1/2 years ago. I never really wanted to be a "supermodel", and was actually scared that I was getting "too thin" at one point. Maybe that's where some of this weight gain is coming from! I try to focus on progress, not perfection, but I'm a perfectionist by nature, so it's hard. I'll always have in the back of my mind that my all-time low weight was 132, even though a more realistic goal weight for me may very well be 10-20 pounds above that. I guess the hard work continues ... I'll try not to get discouraged! Lelina

Hi Lelina ... I WISH I had the answer ... actually, I do have AN answer, but we don't want to go there. Anyway, have you tried tracking your food intake into a tool like fitday.com? I don't think we should get to be "calorie nuts", BUT, I think it is important to see where we might be going wrong. Fitday puts it out there in black and white ... where your carbs/calories/protein is coming from ... and you can also track your exercise. It may be a place to start, so maybe you can take a look at some choices you've made and perhaps change them? Also, have you thought about perhaps seeing a therapist? I'm seeing that a lot of "old" issues still pop up in those of us 2+ years out, and that might be helpful too. Of course, this is a great place to start ... I'm sure others will have suggestions for you as well, maybe some kind of "buddy challenge" or something might jump-start us as well? All my best, Karyn

Hi Karyn! I appreciate your suggestions! I've done fitday on and off from the beginning. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Same thing with therapy. I know that I have food "issues"; I guess I'm just not dealing with them very well right now! I really appreciate the support of my peers on this board, though. The toughest part is admitting you need help! Lelina

((((((hugs)))))) Do you have a local support group that you can use? What about friends and family? Can you ask them to help support and monitor you? I know when I feel like I'm getting out of control I ask for help and even though it irks me a bit, I appreciate it. Sometimes I just need the voices to NOT be inside my head. I really need to actually hear them. Just keep trying like you are...don't give up! You've come to damn far sister!

Thanks Inspector Girl! I know that I've come a long way, and I REALLY don't want to go back. It's really hard for me to admit that I need help. I tend to put everybody else first, and put on the mask that everything's okay with me. It was even hard to come on this board this morning and ask for help! I guess it's the perfectionist in me ... sigh. I swore I would not be one of "those" WLS patients *****gained their weight. And yet, here I am. For anyone who thinks that WLS is the easy way out, they have no idea! This is HARD, plain and simple, and I think it will always be hard for me. I really appreciate your support, though! Lelina