I'm so sensitive!

I recently moved to a new city and church where no one knows I had gastric bypass and that I've lost 170 pounds. At my old home I was used to the constant compliments and am ok with not getting them here because I know people didn't know me before. However, any time anyone remotely comments on me still being big or being big boned or anything I consider negative regarding my size I get so depressed and want to quit eating all together. While I've lost 170 pounds I still feel huge. I still weigh 204 pounds and I'm still in a size 16. I work out so hard and so much and my personal trainer tells me that I'm his most fit client. Just yesterday he said that he can tell I have a really petite frame by just looking at my face. That put me on cloud nine. Me, petite?! Then today I tell my boss that I am going to be out for plastic surgery and he asks me how much weight I've lost and what I started out at. Then he proceeds to say, "I could tell you were a big boned person, but I had no idea you were ever that heavy." Granted, he's literally 80 years old, but that hurt my feelings. I never would've cared what anyone thought before I started losing weight so why am I so sensitive about it now? Shouldn't I be less sensitive about it because I've done so well? I get so discouraged that people still look at me and see fat. I've lost 75% of my excess weight and I can't seem to get anymore off. I'm happy with my results . . might as well be because that's all I'm getting so far. But how do I get over caring about what others think of me? I'm so down today! Lily

Hi, Lily! I'm sorry you're feeling so down today. I can understand why you might be upset about all of this. You have come so very far, and if those folks had seen you "from the beginning" they would know that, and I'm sure their comments would be a lot different. Our society holds everyone up to such strict guidelines - geez even plus-size models aren't really plus-size (I think they have to be around a 12 or 14 at the max!). Try not to worry about them - they will continue to think their own way no matter what you do. Just remember for yourself how far you've come and how much brighter your future is now that you've lost all that weight that had you imprisoned! Best wishes on your upcoming surgery. Carlita

Older people have a way to say things... Don't mind him, definitely! Carry your before and after picture so people can actually SEE the change. Sometimes if you just say it, people can't quite visualize it. I've never been one to care about what others think or say... shoot, at my heaviest I got into a wetsuit to swim with the dolphins. I totally ignored the fact that we were all standing getting briefed... I figured if people think or laugh or whatever... it's on them. I will not miss out on this opportunity, no way! Anyway... back to older people. When I was visiting grandma during Christmas, one day she said, in that oh so tactful way older folks have... "Is there nothing they can do about that gut?"... meaning my tummy area which of course hangs some. That's older people for you... Anyway, to have lost 170 pounds is so absolutely remarkable! You need to truly know that in your heart and be proud of what you've accomplished. Don't sell yourself short. And never let others' opinions shadow such SUCCESS!

Cala, I don't care about what anybody thinks of me with the exception of the people I love and care about. I don't think he meant how you took it. You were that big once, and you (may be) big boned, but he should have just kept his mouth shut. What I would have taken it as is "You look great now, I would have never guessed". Intentions always speak louder than words or actions to me. I would assume this guy is a decent man and meant nothing by it, so just try to take it as such. And WTG on 170!! Be more proud of yourself and you won't care what people say. Michelle

Sorry your feelings are hurt. I doubt he meant to hurt you. Many of the people I am around now did not know me pre op. They are amazed at my loss. They do not recognize me in old photos I keep around. Frankly they do not recognize me from pre obese pix either. Thats age showing! I do not hide my surgery and I am happy to show my old pix. It is a great source of pride. I am not thin and never will be. I look 100% better. I like me now. It's okay to be disappointed that WOW feeling is so good. Do not let it negate your self esteme. You are a success. I could beat myself up daily for stalling for 6 months and being okay with it but it does not change anything. I prefer to be happy I did not gain and move ahead. I have down moments. One day I swear I saw a 316# woman in the mirror! It was freaky. I cannot live in that place or it will defeat me. I am glad you posted. I think it is important to purge those feelings or they work on our heads and defeat us. Hugs, Laurie

Lily, my heart goes out to you for how you're feeling today. There are very, very few people on the grads board that don't know exactly how you feel--maybe because they're at goal BUT are struggling to stay there, or have gained some weight back, or just plain still feel fat--or because they've never gotten to goal and are struggling just to hang in there. I think most of us tend to be hyper-sensitive to other people's remarks or attitudes, and sometimes those "zingers" can hit us out of the blue. Even if we ordinarily feel pretty good about ourselves, all the old thinking and doubting and low self-esteem can do a number on us. I am thrilled w/ my weight loss--never thought I'd get this low--and I'm FAR from thin. In fact, by most standards, I'm still overweight. But I feel great and think I look good! Let me qualify that: I look good IN CLOTHES. My saggy arms & thighs are hideous (oddly enough, in spite of my age (56) & amount lost, my tummy isn't as horrible as my legs & arms), so I know I'll always be self-conscious, never be able to wear shorts (thank heavens for capris!) or really short sleeves. And I'm starting to struggle like crazy with maintaining my weight loss. Everything everybody ever said about how hard it is the farther out we get--I'm finding to be absolutely true. You have done such an amazing job of losing 170 lbs.! Back before your wls, would you have ever DREAMED of how great it is to be rid of those pounds?! And wearing normal-sized clothes? And to be able to do SO much more than before?! I hope you'll let us all be your cheerleader and know that we all understand! I hope your mood slump is very brief! Jo 295/150ish (at goal)

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm sure your boss didn't mean it the way it sounded~like everyone else has said, older people just have a way. But I know it still hurt. You've come SO FAR! Don't let anyone take that away from you!!! You should be so proud of yourself!!!! Just looking at your pic I can see what a cute girl you are!!!!!! Hold your head high and proud of where you came from and who you are now!!!! No matter what your weight, you are a good person that's beautiful on the inside and out~Now that's something to be proud of!!!!! Big Hugs, Tracy B 328/159 5'9"

Been missing you on the Bama board. I wish you much success with your plastic surgery. When is it? Where will you be having it done? What are you having done. I'm so proud of you for all the weight you've lost. You're doing great girl. Elle