Mind Games~Repost from Main Board

Why do we play mind games with ourselves? I have been feeling great, pretty close to goal, lost a pound last week~all is well, right?!?!?! Well, today I had to go to see a Colon/Rectal Surgeon~not exactly a fun trip, but he thinks he can fix me without surgery and a pretty easy fix at that! Now here's the kicker~as I sat in the waiting room this "mood" came over me and I started to feel HUGE! I was looking at my belly and thighs in my jeans and I swear I felt as though I had gained 50lbs overnight~I had to hold a magazine in front of me so no one would notice how fat I was. Then, while talking to the doctor I had to sit with my arms folded across me so he couldn't see my imperfections. What the he!! is wrong with me? I've lost 169lbs, I'm wearing a size 8 and today I felt like I was back at 328lbs again. Don't get me wrong, I don't feel this way every day~I usually feel pretty good about myself, but for some reason today I can't get past these feelings. What is wrong with me? Tracy B 328/159 5'9"

tracy, I had a very similar experience 2 weeks ago. It was so weird. Intellectually I know I am smaller but I looked 316# when I looked in the mirror!!! Personally, I attribute it to my sick thinking. I belong to a 12 step group and my thinking affects everything I do. Self loathing is part of my disease.It is not a surprise I blossumed to 316#. Usually something is going on that makes me uncomfortable and that is one of the ways it surfaces. Hugs, You look beautiful! laurie

I agree Laurie~someone on the main board suggested maybe I was uncomfortable waiting to get undressed in front of a stranger and I think that might be what triggered this~now I can't get it out of my mind! Is your 12 step group directly related to weightloss? Just wondering b/c that sounds interesting to me b/c of all of the mental issues we go thru as wls patients. Thanks for you response! Tracy B 328/159 5'9"

It isnt just you..part of our disease is a distorted body image..and I know it is for me too..i'm 124 pounds and feel like huge..and I wear a size 2..somehow my mind cannot process what it sees in the mirror. Lots of us deal with it

Not that I want anyone else to feel this way, but it is good to know that I'm not alone or abnormal. Today my body image was definitely distorted and now I can't get that picture out of my mind. Hopefully things will look better in the morning! Thanks for your understanding! Tracy B 328/159 5'9"

I actually think I look thin in clothes. However, when I see myself nude it's almost like I see no difference from before.... just a slightly smaller disfigured body. It doesn't bother me much though, I am much healthier and that's all that mattered to me. Michelle

Michelle, most days I think I look fine in clothes too~it was just today for some reason it hit me really hard. Naked is a scary sight here that's for sure, but dh loves me no matter what, LOL! I agree, I am WAY healthier than I was at 328lbs~that's for sure! Tracy B 328/159 5'9"

Tracy, No my group is not weight related but it helps me with those issues. If I were to want a group specifically for that I would try Overeaters Anonymous. It is based on the same principles. Regardless of how I abuse myself it all goes back to my thnking, feelings and emotions. Abusing food was just a way to fill the void. laurie

Thanks for the info Laurie. Tracy B 328/159 5'9"

I see myself large. Not fat, but overweight. I see the fat which needs to be removed around my waist hips and thighs. This isn't my imagination! I kinda have the opposite. I feel thin and then realize, nope, not quite! Got some work to do... Opposite of what you describe, but similar feelings. Let me know how you handle these feelings.... I would like to learn.