Ok so check out my Menu

On any given day this is what I eat B-1/2 cup berries in 8 oz ff milk, 1 scoop of protein powder, 1/ cup flaxseed slenda to sweeten S- 4 slices ff deli ham L- 4 oz ckicken breast with broccoli s/f jello S- s/f yogurt D- same as breakfast S- 4 pieces of bran crackers (sometimes popcorn) last night I had a banana I still sruggle to get in enough water but have become addicted to coffee and drink tons I have been excercizing and even some jogging I have maintained my weight at goal now for 4 months WHY OH WHY do I feel like I am failing? Right now after eating my breakfast I feel like a fat pig sorry about the expression, but dont get me wrong, I am happier than I have ever been. I am busy and doing wonderful things but this feeling of failure puzzles me sometimes Oh and something else, now this is going to sound but I feel like Julie is no longer with me. Its as if I have her memories but the sadness and pain is gone and now I am not a casper milk toast anymore , I have gotten tougher and more blunt and to the point with people, my neice said I was mean now. I dont think I am mean but I now tell it like it is. I dont have time to ***** foot around now. I will not accept excuses any longer. I take accountability for myself and will accept nothing less from others. Am I getting mean? Julie

I won't comment on your food because we all need to do what works for us...as individuals. If it works, it's good. If it doesn't, then change it. With regard to the new "take no prisoners" Julie...you are not alone. Although I was never really one to take a lot of crap from others, I was more able to "feel their pain" and enable non-productive behaviors in myself and others. I still "feel the pain" of others, but now it's different because I have opened up to my own feelings and come to terms that I have to take care of me before I can take care of others. ...we all learn this lesson when we fly...the flight attendant tells us to put on our own oxygen mask before assisting those around us. Good life lesson! I will caution you that you don't have to like less than perfection from others, but not everyone gives everything their "best." Not everyone has had the transfomative experience that you have, and not everyone is afforded the opportunity to emerge and evolve both inside and out in their adult life. So...don't get mean, just get stronger. You get stronger by educating those around you, and by learning who you are in any given situation. Keep up with the good stuff...you deserve it! Karen

Thanks Karen, You have given me something to think about. I dont want to be mean but was such a doormat my whole life and now I think I may be swinging alittle too much the other way. Hopefully with some thought and work on my part I can find the middle line where all good girls should be. LOL Right now my family thinks I am way too "mean" because I hate them doing drugs and losing their children. Julie

I'd hazard a guess that you 'feel' like your failing because you always have felt that way after every 'diet' and regain...yes? I know that's the case for me. Took me a long time to accept that this time was different, because "I" was different. My outlook and behaviour was modified. I KNOW I make good choices most of the time...so it took time to convince myself I was ok - I still have to watch me, but I'm ok. Hell I don't know if that makes ANY sense, but that's the thought process I've got at the moment lol. Mean? hmm yeah, I went through a mean phase...not sure if you are or not. I think only self-reflection will determine that. You can be kind and not be a doormat...ya know? (((HUGS))) sorry - just rambling.

Hi Julie, I think that Tooter is right. (when isn't she? ) I too am going thru a "mean", self-absorbed kind of phase lately. It's like I don't where any boundaries are any more and I'm trying to find myself again...I guess in a way I am. I was always the good little doormat kinda girl. The fat, jolly dependable one, that everyone always relied on. Now, that I'm thin, not only has my social circle of friends has changed, I find the way I act towards people and the way they treat me has changed too. Since I was about a year out, when my friends made comments on that I was so self-centered now and all I ever thought about was myself....blah, blah, blah....anyway since then, I've made an effort to make sure I wasn't going too much in the other direction and turn into a real *****! It's really hard sometimes to change so radically on the outside and maintain your personality and balance on the inside. I'm not real great at expressing myself in the written word...am I making this come out right? What I'm trying to say is this: I now say whats in my heart, pulling no punches. I stand up for myself. I saywhatI mean and mean what I say. No insecurities in this girl. But....I had to also take a good long look at how I was treating other people too. I am still as nice a person as I was before, I'm just packaged different. (sometimes other women have a problem with that, but thats another story). I just try and be myself, and be good to myself and others. Hope this helps! Hang in there! It will all work out. Lyn 245/152/145