conveying compassion?

I don't dare post this on the main board (been flamed years back and am afraid...VERY afraid) but thought I could do it here with the grads. I am 2 1/2 years post op and "done" (including plastics). I feel so incredibly blessed by my WLS experience-there is not one area of my life that hasn't been touched in a positive way. My question---when I see someone, particularly women (I identify), who's MO or SMO-my heart is full of compassion to the point that I'm teary. All I can do is say a prayer silently in my head. I wish I could do more but I know when I was obese if some "normal" size person said anything to me I was defensive...as a matter of fact-I probably even sent out "defensive vibes" so that no one approached me. The best I can come up with is to smile....or make small talk. I don't feel that WLS is THEE answer...but with the failure rate of traditional methods to weight loss-it's a DAMN GOOD answer. How can I help others MORE??? Appraoching obese strangers while out in the world is NOT a good plan. I guess hanging around OH and posting more often would be a start, huh? What do you when you are bursting with compassion?? Beth W. - 1/2 the woman

Beth, I feel for them too and understand what they are going through....been there and have done that scenerio. The problem is you can't bring a horse to water...if you could I would not have gotten to the point of needing this surgery. Everyone tried to drag me to the water all these years the technique was never right. I was numb to a lot which is probably how I could have gotten as big as I did. I had to want to change...it was a rock bottom thing for me and I am sure I am not the only person like that. I hope that showing a person you care about them and just acknowledging helps sometimes. Remember back to when you had your other half. How did you feel and what would have made you feel better? If you can answer those questions honestly to yourself then that is what you should do for others. Its nice to have people like you in the world! No flaming here!!! Debbie

thanks, Debbie. I was thinking how would I have reacted to someone approaching me and sayin' "hey, I had WLS and now I'm happy"-I probably would've said sarcastically-"well good for YOU-get outta my face!" I was extremely defensive. Then when I researched WLS and decided to have it-I was extremely defensive about that, too. So many people have the "why don't you just stop eating" response (including my mom who is now my biggest supporter!) My heart just goes out to people who are where I was. Guess its that way with anyone who is a "reformed" anything, huh? Beth W.

I post. As I told someone else, I truly want on my tombstone when I die - here lies a woman who had a compassionate heart. (((HUGS)))

I help pre ops through my doctors office and do a lot of online support groups. I have a friend who wears a Weight Loss Surgery Success Story T-shirt (she made it) and had her before pic scanned on the front. You wouldn't believe the people who come up to her for help and advice about weight loss surgery. I remember being overweight ( I really didn't think I was that bad), and if anyone had approached me I would have been very defensive. I figure all must know about weight loss surgery - unless they've been living under a rock. I figure when they're ready they'll start asking questions and checking out websites like this one. Many hospitals and surgeon's office's have support groups that are always looking for post ops to run them - they bring hands on experience to the groups and pre ops like that - seeing someone who has been there. Start a support group in your area on your own if you have to - compassion is something in short supply - we could always use more! Myrtle.

I whip out my cell phone and pretend to talk to someone on the other end, loud enough and close enough for the MO or SMO to hear!! "Yeah, I'd love to go with you, Susan, but Dr. Jawad has asked me to speak again at the informational seminar for people checking out gastric bypass surgery. Yeah, he feels I've done so well and feel so great that I could encourage other people. Sure, Susan, I love to answer all those questions! OK, so I'll catch up with you later then. Buh bye!" If the MO or SMO is listening, maybe she will approach me! OK, just kidding, but I do try to give back to my community as much as I can. I visit post-ops in the hospital one day each week, I post on this board and on my surgeon's board, I attend the support group where, let's face it, pre-ops and very new post-ops are the majority of the attendees, so I'm not really getting anything out of it for myself, except for the good feeling that I'm helping others and I really have spoken at the informational seminars. Just last Thursday I visited 2 people and one of them said I made their day because they "knew" me from seeing my posts and had been hoping she'd get to actually meet me and see me!! I can't help everyone I see, but I do the best I can. I also got a phone call last night from someone I don't know in Sarasota. We met when she came to town for an pre WLS appointment and she's just keeping in touch. I want to be known as a compassionate person and a resource also! Jan

Hi Beth ... I, too, "feel" for others who would definitely benefit from this surgery, HOWEVER ... A friend of mine had WLS in 1997. She was SO gung ho about it and every conversation we had seemed to incorporate how "it was the best thing she ever did" and that "I should do it" ... yadda yadda yadda. I was not ready to even think about the surgery, and it got to the point where I didn't even want to talk to her anymore. We've been out of touch for about 7 years (she had no clue that I did have my WLS 2-1/2 years ago), and by a fluke, she read a posting of mine here and sent me an email. Hopefully we're on the way to renewing our friendship, we were best "buds" (not to mention eating buddies) since high school. Anyway, that's why I am careful about what I say regarding WLS. Some people just may not be receptive at all, and really may be offended ... HOWEVER ... if someone does ask (and I do love when people do ask), I'm more than willing to "spill my guts". Karyn