? ? ? Tuesday Vows ? ? ?

Good morning folks! Yesterday was a good day. I had one of those "WOW" moments at the office. There is a magazine that is published in Memphis that keeps up with all the society events and parties. It's a free magazine that can be picked up in several locations in the area (http://rsvpmagazine.com/) and apparently several folks at the office picked up the November edition yesterday. My husband and I attended a "Live at the Garden" event featuring Michael Buble a few weeks ago and our picture ended up in the magazine. I had about a half dozen folks tell me about it yesterday and even brought me an extra copy. A couple years ago I would have not been any too happy to end up in a publication. Even though I'm not at goal our picture did turn out well and I wasn't embarrassed in the least to be published. Now, I just need to get to goal before the next event where these folks might show up and snap my picture... so today I vow to: ? Eat fewer than 1000 calories. ? Get a minimum of 50% of my caloric intake from protein. ? Log everything in fitday. ? Drink a minimum of 100 oz. of water. ? Work out at the gym after work. ? No eating after 7:00 PM. What are your plans to stay on track with your personal plan today? Y'all have a Terrific Tuesday! DeeDee p.s. The link to see the pictures is: http://www.partypics.com/ and the password is rsvp. You select the "Michael Buble" link from there and we're on the first page of pictures... roll 00001 - frame 0017. (Actually, we're in a group picture roll 00001 - frame 0016 too.)

Wow our very own DeeDee is "Famous"! Great Pics girlfriend. I went to another OA meeting last night and I think I am going to stop posting my daily vows. I am not doing well, and whenever I have to see it in black and white that I didn't stick to my committments I feel like a failure. Call it not wanting to be accountable, call it however one wants to see it. I have to do what I need to do to get myself back to recovery. I will continue posting Food For Thought and Starting Your Day Right. I will continue to encourage others. I need to do this for myself right now. I have so much going on in my personal life that I can't keep adding stress to it. And I wish I didn't feel this way about posting here, but it is what it is. Don't get me wrong, I have had tons of support from all of you and I appreciate each and everyone of you. I just need to go in a different direction right now. I will still keep in touch w/all of you. You are my OH family and I know you will be supportive of my decision. Love you guys! Your Gastric Buddy, Jeannie

Congrats DD on the awesome pics. You look sooo happy! and Jeannie I understand completely... I have been thinking along the same lines. I did not do well yesterday and that is why I disappear sometimes because I hate reporting failure. But we will win this battle...hang in there friends...Lucy

Yes Lucy, we will win this battle!!!! We have come a long way and we aren't going back to being miserable. We have been given a second chance and even though it is a struggle at times, I believe we are determined to not blow our last resource. I pray we continue to be of encouragment and support to one another. You are a bunch of wonderful people on this forum. Keep us updated on your upcoming surgery Lucy. Take care! Jeannie

Jeannie, Extend to yourself the grace you so generously offer to others. You can still keep tabs on yourself without setting the standards so high and then judging yourself so harshly because you met only 80 or 90% of your personal goals rather than 100%. I NEVER post daily goals as my idea of today's success literally changes from minute to minute as I'm presented with new challenges. ANY good choice should be reason to celebrate and every failure, a chance to start over. No more or no less. I know you're feeling overwhelmed by your life situation right now and I'll pray that you are inundated by the "peace that passes understanding." You know, that calm in the middle of a storm that leaves other people scratching their heads wondering how you're handling it so well. I'm glad that you've returned to OA; I trust they'll be a good source of support for you. (((((hugs))))) Julie

Thank you sweet Julie! I am the hardest on myself. Maybe if I give myself room to fail, I will learn from it and maybe that is the breakthrough I need. I don't have all the answers to life's problems, but I sure do know the ONE who does. You bought me to tears as I read your prayer for me. I do feel like I am in the midst of a storm right now and I really do need God's peace. So thank you for your compassion. I need to re-group and get some things in order and try and make some order out of it all. Not knowing if we are going to have to move and when and where are all overwhelming right now, along w/my daughter telling me last night that I can't have any contact w/my granddaughter that I have been having over almost every weekend for the past month. My granddaughter has been going through a lot of emotionaly trying times for awhile now and she didn't want to go home on Sunday night. My daughter is drinking heavily again and isn't home much according to my granddaughter and is feeling neglected. She saw her councelor yesterday and again today because she is feeling suicidal and feels like cutting herself again. She has done well for a few months w/out cutting and now since Sun. she has been fighting w/everything within her to not do it because if she does her mom said she will put her in long term care this time. My heart aches for both my daughter and granddaugters situation, but I ache for myself as well. I know God is at work in our lives and promises to work all things together for our good. I have hope and am hanging onto to it. It's just hard waiting for the outcome that we are hoping for and the process seems long. I don't know when I will be able to talk to Alicea again. My daughter feels I can't be so accessable for Alicea to always be running to when she can't have her way is how my daughter puts it. It's not that, she is tired of the neglect. I also raised her the first 6 1/2 yrs. and always was close to her. You can't just break a bond like we have. Anyway, thank you for letting me unburden some of this stuff and I appreciate all the prayers we can get right now. Jeannie

Jeannie, I understand completely and, to be honest, find myself in a real struggle at this point as well. TJ and I had three events we had to eat out this past weekend and even when I do considerably well eating out it's not the same as when I feel totally in control by being home to measure my food and count everything like I prefer to do. Val actually asked me to start this post again and I haven't seen her in a while (wonder if she's snowed in yet?) so maybe it's just time to put this post aside and we'll all just do our best and try to get through the fast approaching holidays. I hope your OA meetings continue to go well and I look forward to your posts and encouragement when you have time! DeeDee

DeeDee, You have done an absolute wonderful job w/these daily vows. The intent behind it was to help others stay on track or helpl in getting back on track. And for a time it has been very successful, however I feel some of us are feeling more pressured by having to own up to our stumblings more than feelings of victory. We have had our share of ups and downs. I think knowing that others are seeing us fail is hard to face. And by whose standards are we failing? I have lost at one time 160 Lbs. and I wouldn't call that failing. I lost my dependency on a C-pap machine, certain medications, having to use a wheelchair to go to the amusment parks or shopping during the holidays because I couldn't walk without great difficulty. The list goes on and on. But let me not follow my eating plan once or hold up to my vow to exercise and I'm calling myself a failure! As someone said, if I'm doing most things right 98% of the time, why do I consider myself a failure? Why do I focus on the 2% only? I have to start giving myself more credit than I do. I need to stop being so hard on myself and build myself up more. I am going to work on that one day at a time because I am worth it! I matter and I deserve it! I know we will get through all of this DeeDee in our own time and our own individual ways. I say take the pressure off ourselves and let us breath again. We are successful and will continue to be. Kudos to you my dear friend. Jeannie

I only replied to the vow post a few times. It's funny, most days I am in control, accomplish my goals, feel great about how things went/are going...etc. Last week I posted my goals and ate like a pig, sat on my ass, complained about a stomach and headache (no wonder), yelled at my kids, avoided the wifely thing that altogether, on and on. I was thinking that by posting my stuff on the board, and making a grand proclamation, the act of commiting in words sent me back to infantile and irrational behaviors of not wanting to play by the rules. Damn, I have been so healthy through out this journey...but maybe I am really a psycho?! Anyway, for now, I suggest that it might be helpful to share one positive thing that you did for yourself, or how you helped someone else, or a way that you made a difference in the world...these things count for so much too! (Or maybe that is the Social Service Exec in me coming through? I so try to deny that part of my fabric!) In the end, we are the losers who win every moment of every day! Continued success in good health, Karen

Karen, those are wonderful words of wisdom. You are so right about it all. I want to feel more positive about myself and accomplishments. That is what my main focus should be on. If I continue to look mainly at my shortcomings, than I will always see myself as a failure. I'm not saying I will never help another post-op by not admitting my slips, but I sure don't have to let that be my only focus. I have a lot of good to share with others and I plan on continuing doing just that. I feel so free now, like a load has been lifted. We are getting healthier in more ways than we know. Thanks for sharing Karen. Jeannie