Sun.Food For Thought

November 6th, Pain Living without the narcotic of excess food means learning to cope with emotional pain. Uncomfortable feelings which we have covered up by eating begin to surface as we abstain. At first, our emotional reactions are often vague and diffuse, since we have not yet acquired enough insight to identify what it is that is bothering us. If we are willing to stay with the emotional discomfort and pain, we will eventually gain understanding. Sometimes we have to spend time hurting before we are able to pass through one phase in our development and move on to the next. Whatever the suffering, it is pererable to the agony of a binge. Facing emotional pain is constructive; trying to bury it under food is destructive. Our pain is often associated with events in the past which are still troubling us unconsciously. When we are able to identify the source of the pain, we can examine it in the light of our present maturity and begin to put it behind us. As long as we avoid feeling the pain, we deny ourselves the healing which our Higher Power can give us. May I accept the pain which is neccessary for continued growth. Readings by Hazelden Meditation Series I know I am an emotional eater and I desperatlely need to face and cope w/my feelings as they suggest. God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

I realized yesterday when the urge to eat struck I was thinking about childhood, how trapped I felt in a bad situation, how anxious I was on a daily basis etc. Even though I am not there anymore physically my body and mind hold on to those sensations so strongly. Maybe that is still bottom line why I use food and for heavens sake I thought I had worked on all this stuff in counceling. Who knows! Guess if I still have a sense that it's a problem maybe it is. Maybe I just need to affirm to myself that I am safe, and it is ok that I took care of myself and got away from the source of my stress. I just have a lot of guilt over leaving my brother to care for our aging parents even though my Dad's raging temper is what caused me such anxiety. My parents have both been gone many years but I still have this guilt and my brother actually perpetuates it because he talks about having to take care of them often. He chose to stay on the family ranch and I must remember that was his choice. I made mine to get away and make a life of my own. Well I didn't mean to ramble on but this reading really struck me. Thanks! Lucy

Lucy, Thank you for sharing your heart. You did not ramble you spoke your true feelings. Never apologize for that! It's good that you are recognizing the things that are triggering you to eat. It doesn't mean that the counceling you have had didn't make a difference, it means that you are still working on issues. We whom have been abused will always be working on the issues that the abuse brought into our lives. We learn to cope and accept, but we always have to be reminded that what happened to us is in the past. It still affects us today, but not in the same way. You stated that you are 'safe', yes from your father, but that still doesn't mean that the memories aren't still there. We can make it safer by seeing it for what it was and move on. Pain is always very uncomfortable, but I also know that pain eventually let's up. You did what was best for Lucy and kudos for you. You took control back in a very abusive situation. Like you said your brother made a 'choice' to stay and that is on him not you. You need to let go of the guilt that has tormented you that doesn't belong to you. Guilt and condemnation isn't of God. Accept His grace and peace, knowing you are safe in His arms. Again, thanks for sharing your heart Lucy. Jeannie