My daughter's view of me....

My daughter turned 21 yesterday and I offered to take her shopping. She told me a couple of years ago she wouldn't have wanted to go shopping with me (ouch!) but now I'm so different and I've developed a "sense of style" and now we kind of shop for the same clothes (not even!!!...but whatever!) She said now I feel more like a friend to go shopping with and she's more open to looking at things I suggest she try on. The longer we talked, it became apparent that is NOT me who has changed, but how she perceives me. I have always been a clothes fanatic, very picky about hair and make-up, etc. but it's just plain difficult being stylish when you're heavy. You can look nice, but you always look "like someone's mother." I realize that much of how she sees me now may have to do with her general maturing (and less rebellion/bullheadedness), but it was still very revealing to me to realize how that although my family has always loved me, they now see me in a very different light and even treat me differently, although I don't think they're aware of it. Anyone else experiencing the same thing? Julie

Julie--Isn't it cool? I, too, have a 21 year old daughter and we have had a similar experience. My 22 year old son also likes to go shopping with me. My husband, the cheapest man on earth, never complains about the money I am now spending on clothes. He says he likes it that I look nice. I always thought I had a nice sense of style-but it really didn't matter what I put over that 278 pound body. I don't blame people for seeing us differently though. I didn't gain weight until I was almost 30 and for some ridiculous reason I never really saw myself the way others saw me. It always amazes me now, how differently I am treated by all of the new people I meet. It's really sad the way people are judged by outward appearence. I can remember telling my kids "it's what's inside that counts"--but who's kidding who--that is just not how it really works. Hope you enjoyed shopping with your daughter. BTW-I recently purchased a couple dresses online. As soon as my daughter saw them she tried them on too.

Julie, I think you are right on target. As our children age we (amazingly) become wiser, smarter and more interesting in their eyes. It's fun to hear my girls tell me, "You know, Mom, I never realized until recently that you really (do understand, do know, also experienced).... My 3 (now adult) girls loved me even when I was fat, told me I was beautiful, but didn't understand that I couldn't appear anymore stylish than a size 24 or 26 allowed. Now they too love shopping with me, and I agree to try on anything they ask me too, which often reveals to them that putting a style intended for a 20 year old on a 55 year old sometimes doesn't work. Of course, they love the fact that I have the energy and desire for shopping and going the extra mile to look good. In fact they now tease me that no one else looks so good running to the market for a gallon of milk and loaf of bread at 6 in the morning. They like it too, when someone says, "That's your MOM? Are you kidding? It seems to be a point of honor for them that their mom looks so good." I've always loved parenting,--and now grandparenting-- but because I cut the apron strings completely at 17, I didn't realize that not all parents "stop" parenting when their kids grow up and/or leave home. Now as I see my kids truly mature, I'm thrilled that we are still close as parent-child, but also as friends and comrades on many levels. I'm also thrilled that my one SIL is so close to my husband, who always longed for a boy. Enjoy the day. Ann

Many moons ago when my oldest daughter was 15 and driving me crazy, a friend of mine (nurse), whose daughter is the same age (and driving her crazy as well), was doing a neurology rotation and had to go to a seminar regarding the maturation of the brain. Turns out that until a person reaches between ages 19 and 22, there is no physiological way that they can "understand," as their brains do not mature sufficiently until then. Sure doesn't make it any easier to deal with teenagers, but at least there is an end in sight. I, too, saw the light go on in my children when they reached about age 20. THE OLDER THEY GET THE SMARTER I BECOME! Speaking of shopping, don't ya just love it now? Last trip, my 13 year old granddaughter picked out a slew of clothes for me, and I get more compliments on those than the ones I picked out for myself!! Going to NYNY on Thursday, I plan on actually touching the shoes at Jimmy Choo, Manalo Blahnik, and may even try them on. Certainly can't afford to buy them! Have a great week!!

I think I've heard that about the brain maturing and I'd believe it! With another year under her belt, I may turn out to be a genius! I know what you mean about shopping and I'd go for the shoes. Last spring I was in NYNY and I told my coworkers I had picked up a pair of Manalo Blahniks. When they asked to see them, I told them I didn't buy them...I "picked them up" and promptly put them down again. LOL! My husband would die if I spent money like that on shoes...but it was nice thought! Julie