? ? ? Thursday Vows ? ? ?

Hiya DeeDee! Sorry to hear that you're having a hard time getting back into the swing of things. Why is it always easier getting off track than back on? Ughhh!!! We know that when we put the bad carbs back in, they tend to take over and then it's time to detox again. At the time we think just a little bit won't hurt, or I can handle it in moderation. An addict can NEVER handle anything that they are addicted to in moderation. I have found this out the hard way. I've come to the conclusion that putting sugar back in my mouth is putting a loaded gun to my head. Out of the past 27months since wls, I have picked up sugar for 3weeks and VOWED to not allow that to control me ever again. I take responsibility for my actions, but I allowed someone to tell me that I should try it again, because the sugar free stuff was giving me too much gas. They didn't have the gas prob.w/sugar. So like an idiot I tried it. Big mistake!!! Most of the time it didn't bother me (which frightened me) than before I knew it, I was at the store all the time buying the things I haven't had for 2yrs. I was full blown in my addiction once again. What made me think that maybe this time I could handle it? I started to dump and believe me I thanked God! I took back control and said by the grace of God NEVER again will I allow sugar to pass these lips again. It's a slow way of commiting suicide for me if I allow this to ever happen again. I am strong in my conviction about sugar. I will not allow anyone or myself to talk me into going there again. Now giving up the other bad carbs is another story. I still tend to give into the crunchy carbs once in awhile. I haven't brought myself to completley give them up yet. I can handle them a bit better than sugar, but at times I get out of control with them too. That's when I throw them out and stay away for a long time. There may come a day that I just might have to make the decision to say NO to them too. I'm not there yet, but I pray for the strength if the day comes. Yesterday I didn't do my exercise again and I ate before going to bed last night. I paid for it too. I knew better, but did it anyway. I tell ya the emotions sometimes are louder than my reasoning mind. I can make all kinds of excuses as to why I allowed it. The potential of the hurricane hitting us again and hubby being out of town, probs. w/son and his family, daughter has a chipped bone in her arm, granddaughter writing to her father who saw her once when she was 5months old and he has been in prison for the past 10years and has 19months to go and wants to see her when he gets out! She always wanted to find him and know who he was, but now she is angry and full of mixed emotions about him. My heart aches for her. I raised this child for the first 61/2yrs.of her life and I'm more like Mom to her than Grandma. I know that all of this is in God's hands and timing, but I'm still human and struggle w/dealing and coping in ways that I always did, with food to numb, cope, deal. It's never the answer and I'm doing better than I have the last two years since wls and the support I found on here. Wow, I didn't expect to reveal all of this when I started out, but it obviously has been a heavy burden that I've been carrying. It feels better now that it's out. Now maybe I will deal w/it instead of stuffing it down. I make the choices and today I make the choice to feel and not numb. Although I got all my water & protein in yesterday, I ate a few things out of emotions and that is never okay in my book. So you see DeeDee, your not alone in your struggle. I wish I could be one of those *****ally have their eating plan down pact, and I am working hard at being one of them. I'm not saying I will ever be perfect and not slip here and there, but I want to slip less and less. One day! For today I promise to not eat out of my emotions. I promise this to myself and to all of my OH friends. Thank you for allowing me this freedom to unload and be accountable. I love you all and pray you all succeed today w/whatever your commitments are. Jeannie

You are in my prayers DeeDee. I know it's not easy giving up things that we want and enjoy, but are we truly enjoying it? I mean I don't enjoy the misery that I feel from being out of control, and I don't like the feeling that the sugar does to me. It always caused me to crash and burn. I truly would get depressed from the drop in sugar level and struggle w/being tired all the time. I could binge on some sugar let me tell you. By the grace of God and determination NOT to feel that way again is what's getting me through. I don't even have to fight it to be honest w/you. Once my mind was made up, that was it. Determination! Now I have to chanel that in other areas. I know you can do this. You did it before and what a success you were. You will be again in this area. No turning back DeeDee. The calories aren't worth it. The extra weight isn't worth it. The guilt isn't worth it. Be strong my dear and walk in the power of His might! I want to hear a good report tomorrow because you can do all things through Christ who strenghtens you! Lean on Him and us. Email me before taking that first bite. I am determined to help you back on your feet. We all are determined! We are here to support you. Now do what it takes girlfriend. Love you! Jeannie

OK, so Thursday is nearly over...I started the day without a clear sense of direction and only gained clarity toward the end. My vow for today is to allow myself to take off my cape, decoder ring, jewel encrusted belt and X-ray vision, and quit feeling like I have super powers and can save the world. I vow to use my treadmill for the entire time that I am watching the Apprentice (OK, I admit I am tempted by the nastiness in team play). I vow to get my boys in bed immediately after the Apprentice...lights off and no horsing around boy bull**** I vow to shower immediately thereafter and go right to bed. I vow not to be angry in the morning when my husband does not spring up out of bed like I do. I vow to not "lose it" when DH does not get up because he was playing poker until the wee hours of the morning. I vow to give others a break...not everybody has to fit into their tights, unwrinkled cape, jewel encrusted belt and slip on their decoder ring like I do... Karen

Dee Dee, do you like the Spanx? I've tried a couple of support garments, but always feel like there is blubber/skin oozing out of the top or the bottom and it's impossible to move or breathe. A comfortable one would be a blessing! Julie