what is up with with main board

I have already discussed with you (on this MB) how my eating has gone to Hell in a handbasket with this pregnancy...not only am I struggling now; but, I am dreading that I have lost faith in myself to get 'back on the wagon' after my daughter's birth in 3 1/2 weeks...life will always be a struggle, no matter what the cause is. You and I (and, many others on this, and other MBs here) have not hesitated to admit our failings/faults/poor choices, etc. ~~Sherry

thanks for your response. I was thinking I would be flamed right off the board, But it seems that speaking out brought out a few other non perfect people. At least maybe the others will think before they type. The first months are really rough. There is so much to learn, no matter how much you learned preop. I found it often overwhelming and even tho I was well prepared it is never enough, kind of like some one posted about childbirth. After Lamaze I knew "all" I needed to know about labor and delivery. Then actual labor started and I found out I didn't know anything at all ! reading, studying, learning is so very different from living it. I am happy to be of support however I can for the new people who are struggling. the beginning months are like being a baby all over again, you have to learn to walk and eventually it becomes second nature, you have to learn a new way to eat, shop, cook, live. And after a while it becomes habit and much less struggle. I will surely always have some struggle and certain food issues will always be there.

I very seldom get involved w/these kinds of threads. I like to think that I am an open, honest and encouraging person. I admit when I fail, but am quick to get back up and get back in the race. I'm NOT perfect and never claim to be. I also don't want to be codled (sp)? when I keep going back to the same ways of dealing/coping. I don't always want to hear I understand and it's alright. I want the tough love. I want to hear that I worked to hard to get where I am and that it's not worth the taste of stuffing some forbidden food (heck even alowable food) down my throat to deal and cope w/lifes problems. I need to hear that it's NOT alright to sabotage my eating plan. I need to hear that no one else is to blame for my poor choices. I choose to put the food in my mouth to numb and no one else is to blame. I know the right and wrong ways of dealing w/emotions. It's too easy to blame others for our mistakes, short comings, failures and poor choices. This way we don't have to own up to anything, therefore being accountable. I have found that this board/forum is full of people who are upfront and open w/their success's and failures more than those who aren't. You made a statement that EVERYONE here acts as if we NEVER make a mistake. I can't disagree w/you more. I read the posts whenever I can and I feel that people are more open about their struggles than anywhere else on OH. We grads haven't arrived. We are an on going work in progress. I would say not even a handful give that impression. You than corrected yourself in another post saying "SOME" of us. The bottom line is that now "SOME' are being attacked for their thoughts on matters that bother them. Isn't this the same thing that they are being accused of. PLEASE, let's keep this forum/board like no other. I'm not saying 'Perfect', but without attacks. I'm very disappointed that I'm reading these posts lately. Someone once said it will be only a matter of time before this happens on here too. Sad to say, but it has. I just hope that we can all get things back into perspective and keep this board a safe place to be. Like Rodney King said "Can't we all just get along?" Seriously, we know that we take a chance when someone asks for a reply that if we don't give most of them what they want to hear, than we will get flamed. It's a shame that some are taken as mean spirited. I feel that no matter how it is worded, if it doesn't agree w/what they want to hear, then it will be taken as an attact. They will find out one day if they don't comply to their surgeons protocol, than they will have to pay the price dearly. Here's to helping one another and being supportive. Jeannie PS Didn't take the time to proof read. Excuse the errors. Thanks!

I just wanted to let you know that I find your generalizatons to be insulting. I do not believe most grads who are posting here are self-rightous. I am confident that most do not feel they are super heroes. Every day I see grads posting about their troubles. It is normal human nature to want to share what we have learned with others. I can tell you that I was pretty knowledgeable before surgery, but there was still lots to be learned--and lots of stuff I wish I had done differently. Also--referring to another thread--I agree that many docs are not doing their jobs educating patients, but MANY ARE educating patients. And on another note--I have not seen you posting under this name before--I am wondering who are you?

See, that goes back to what I was getting at..you said.. " I do not believe most grads who are posting here are self-rightous." See, that is your opinion..which you are more than entitled too, Now Myself and willow who DO believe that some are very self righteous, are entitled to ours as well, am I correct? An opinion is just that..yours isnt any better than mine, just like an RNY isnt better than a DS, it's just different. Noone in particular was singled out yet you're so defensive in your post, I wasn't rude or impolite or did I ever say your name.. But I won't argue, it isnt worth it...it's just a message board. We should all be able to express our opinions, thoughts & ideas like adults. Noone ever said the grads dont post about their troubles, I dont know where that came from, because I didnt even mention that, but there is a difference between offering advice and offering advice in a manner that makes some appear superior to others. Most newbies dont want the mommy finger waved at them..just because we're older postops doesnt mean we have to be condescending or treat people like their stupid..and I DISAGREE..if you talk to a LOT of newbies, their doctors are not educating them..I dont know wher eyou get the information that many are..I read the board every day and more and more are clueless..but again..you are entitled to believe whatever you wish, just like I am and a few of the others are. And who am I? I'm Happy Halloween, just becaue I dont post much doesnt mean i'm not established as a member. Now, i'm off to get my kids breakfast and off to school, they have their harvest festival today and I have apples to get into the van. Have a terrific day!

Hope you got your kids off to school. "I get the same feeling when I read this board. Everyone here, because they have been postop for a few years, some even less than 2..act as if they never ever make a mistake (or at least most will never admit, for fear of becoming "one of the others"..who do fall down)..are very self righteous." I really think your sentence states "everyone here" when saying that we act as if we have never made a mistake. I don't really understand where you are coming from. I felt like your's and Willow's initial posts were slamming. Clearly what you have said in many of your posts is basically live and let live. Don't sweat it if people don't make good choices. I agree--although I find it really hard to do when people are really early out from surgery. I find it extremely frustrating when I read about people eating candy at a few weeks out. Or people who are a week out and would rather eat than lose weight. I have a really hard time with that and try hard to avoid those posts because, in all honesty, they do anoy me. I agree with you many programs are NOT doing what they should regarding educating people and screening people. There are many programs out there that are doing their job though. I have noticed that often times pre-ops don't want to jump through the hoops required by some of the programs and prefer to go with the program that can get them the surgery the quickest. I remember vividly feeling that desperate-but unfortunately I think it causes problems in the long run. And then there are the money-making surgeons just jumping on the bandwagon and there are some really frightening things coming out of these programs--makes me want to pull my hair out. One of the things I have noticed about some of the postings on the main board which seem to get the grads going is that often the "newbie or pre-op" responses far out number the long termers and they frequenly support unhealthy behavior. It seems to me that the long termers get frustrated when the majority of a thread is taken up with people agreeing with poor choices. Then the posts do tend to get a negative tone. I also think that for a long time many long term post ops/and some newbies have felt frustration with certain things we have read on the main board--most of the time those thoughts were kept to ourselves--unfortunately, now we have this board to "verbalize" some of those frustrations--which sometimes may be better off left unsaid. I really don't want to argue with you as I agree with much of what you say in other posts-I just dont understand why the attack? Oh--and you may be an "established member" of this site, but it appears your first posts under this name were three days ago under a post on the main board which had caused much discussion here. At least Willow was brave enough to come out and state her opinion with her picture and name out there for everyone to read.

i totally agree with everything your post said. What really gets me about the new post op eating chocolate candy and no one should tell her not to, is the fact that she said she has "worked it into her program". Comparing the 70 calorie count of a mini candy bar with the 70 cal count of a piece of protien. I think this "Happy Halloween" person is a troll and maybe even the same one that lovessssssssss the candy.

You said, " Noone ever said the grads dont post about their troubles, I dont know where that came from, because I didnt even mention that." What you did say is that we all (before you changed it to most) act like we have never made a mistake before. Same thing.

Willow--I am sorry you have such strong complaints about the Grads board. I have found the support and honesty on this board to be incredible. To see you refer to what happens here as "constant self-rightous and mean spirited *****ing" is shocking to me. I have found the majority of the posters to be very supportive of our own human tendencies.

Donna-Hmm, to be perfectly honest with you, I read your post this morning when I was in a rush and then when I returned tonight I see that many others have already replied. First let me say that I, too, get very frustrated with various posts on the main board and find the lack of knoweldge many post-ops exhibit to be shocking--however I did find your response to be somewhat har**** probably wasn't meant that way and I know that often when I reply to posters they see to get insulted and it is not the way I intended it. I guess that is the reason why I don't respond very often, which returns us to the issue which Jay mentions--who is left on the main mb with experience to offer advice? Other than Tooter, of course. All that being said I don't think that you or anyone else deserved the generalizations that were posted about later in this thread. Have a Goodnight.