Some reflection from my profile

Thought it was about time for another update again. I am seeing my surgeon on Monday to finalize plans for a TT/hernia repair. I am excited and nervous. I am still not at goal weight but this will get me probably 10 pounds closer. I am upset with myself that I have been fighting the same 5 pounds up and down for several months now. This morning I weighed 161 and have been as low as 157 at 5 ft 2I wear a size 14/16 and figure I may get into a 12 after my panni is removed. In all reality, I have never been this small in my adult life except for a brief time when I was about 18. This is what I "bloomed" to when I hit puberty also so am wondering if this is where the old bod wants to settle. I know from the charts I need to get down to at least 136 to be "normal". But if I don't I think I am ok with that. I am healthy ( I could use to build more muscle) and off all my bp and bs meds so I am thrilled with that. I would like to see what it would be like to be a a 110pound size 4 but if I never get there I think I need to be happy where I am at. I continue to be angry with myself for not utilizing the "tool" to the best of my abilities. I have cheated, eaten the wrong foods, eaten too much etc. etc. This surgery may have taken me to that size for if I would have followed the rules but I tried to get by with what I could. I am not proud of that fact but I have to be honest and admit that is what I did. That being said, I know food is a huge issue for me and I am soooo grateful for what the surgery has done for me. I could not do it on my own. I still seem to "use" food whenever I can to soothe myself. It is a lifelong habit that I must battle against. But I am a heck of a lot better off than I was at 330 pounds. Recently a co-worker told me her 55 year old Morbidly Obese Cousin died of a blood clot to the lung. I know that could have been me if I had put this off another 20 years. I am 38 years old and I feel like I am in the spring of my life. There are so many things I await "blooming" in my life. I am so grateful to God for seeing me through this adventure. Even though I am frightened about my upcoming surgery I know he will be there holding me in the palm of his hand. To those of you *****ad this post, no matter where you are in your journey, I hope that it gives you hope to hear my story. I hope you trust in God to take you through whatever comes. I hope you have the courage to take the steps you need to and I wish you all continued success and happiness in your journeys. .... Lucy

Lucy, We have the same story. But don't beat yourself up. You (I) am off medications, feel fantastic (look fantastic)!!! Upcoming PS will go smoothly for you. I've gone through the PS this past year and made it through. I know I told my PS that I didn't want to die. With the RNY - while I didn't want to die - if I did, oh well. Being "normal size", having the time of my life and loving life, I didn't want to go home just yet. He assured me that since I don't have all the "issue" I had with RNY, I will fly through the PS just fine. Yes, it hurt, Yes the drain sucked - but the outcome was great. Doc said my body image would improve once the 14.5 lbs was removed - it hasn't I still feel MO and am constantly comparing me to MO people I see.. ... Anyhow, good luck and God Bless

ypou are only human and humans are never perfect. Even tho some people pretnde to br. You are doing B+VRY! well. You need to look in the mirror and say " I did good!" The plastics will give you a whole new look, getting rid of my belly skin did more for my self esteem than and confidnce in my appearance that the 130 pounds I lost did. Hang in there, keep in touch and let us know how you are doing.

Lucy, I am excited and nervous for you also. We all cheat, struggle with those mean 5 pounds, all most all of us have issues with food or we wouldn't have been where we were and where we are now. I hope what I shared with you was informative but did not scare you away. Each body is different and beautiful. God looked over my that day and he will look over you just like he does every day.

Everybody's different. I'm 5'1", so just an inch shorter than you are and I'm at 126 and in a size 4 or 6. My original goal was 120 in the doctor's office, but I was really thinking 115. I've now changed my goal to anything under 130 which is where I am. Because I am shaped like a pear, I have no real, burning need for plastics as my stomach is as flat as a pancake, but my butt is sort of sliding south although under clothes, it's not really noticeable. The only thing I would say to you is what does your surgeon say about your current weight and where your goal is? Aren't you supposed to be at goal and maintaining a stable weight before plastics? I'm sure you are most anxious to get this done, but are you SURE you aren't going to lose more weight? If you get the panni done now and lose more, the results won't be as optimal as you might have liked. As for making better choices, the other thought I had would be to hold off a little on the panni and invest instead in some good counseling to get your food issues more under control. Your issues aren't so much with food as they are just a response to other stuff in your life. I think we all could use counseling on why we use food to cope and my name is at the top of that list!! My New Year's resolution for 2006 when my deductible starts again and my insurance changes, is to find a decent counselor and get me the help I REALLY need!!! Good luck!! Jan

Jan--I never pictured you as a petite little thing. 5'1" Wow! I always thought I was a pear shape or hourglass. When I went to my plastic surgery consult they have another term for it--violin deformity. Yup--it's as ugly as it sounds.