Why can't I see myself as others see me?

People are always referring to me as "Tiny" or "Just a little bitty thing". I am 4"10-3/4 and weigh 123. I've set my goal at 110 (less if I still look fat there). I wear mostly size 4 or 6, sometimes an 8 -- depending on brand, store, etc. So why, when I look in the mirror, do I still see fat? My hips, thighs and butt are huge, to me! How can people see me as tiny or "a stick" as I've been called? I've noticed, when my whole family gets together, I take most of the pictures, so I am hardly ever in them. I think it would be nice to see how I look around other people. But I'm not so sure that would do it either. I think maybe I need to see how I look amidst strangers... I am always asking my hubby, when I see a person with a nice shape, or with a small, or large butt, etc. - "How do I look compared to her? Am I bigger or smaller?" And he always declines to answer, and simply says, "I don't know..." Then he squirms a bit. Will I ever see myself as small? O should I just stop worrying about it? It's just that, when someone calls me tiny, I have a hard time with it because I don't believe it myself and think they are strange for even saying it. Anyone else dealing with this?

if you are a size 4-6 you are in no way fat !!!! I am 4'11" & 135 and a mostly size 8. and I am not fat either. Or trying to lose more weight. I want to be where I know I can maintain. No more yo-yoing. take a picture and compare it to an old pre WLS pic and see the differnce. Never trust a mirror, they lie all the time you might want to read some books I have been going thru lately, I got them at the library, the broken mirror how much does your soul weight the body image workbook

I have a feeling we're all dealing with this in some way or another! Here's a little trick I use. I have two work badges - one pre- and the other post-op. I swear I was carrying 50 extra pounds in my face alone! So Everyonce in awhile I'll flip the other one up and look at how far I've come. I'm still far from goal and have had the 10-20-30 regain but it really helps to see how far I've come. Helps stop that constant negative "self-talk" which I am convinced we have to guard against as much as white carbs and ice-cream. Maybe you can have "before" and "after" picture handy for yourself. And be nicer to yourself - YOU BIG LOSER!!!! Your WLS pal, Bette

Hijack! Bette-been wondering where you have been? I've sent a couple e-mails just checking on things. Maybe you haven't gotten them--OH has been very inconsistant about e-mails. Please let me know how things are for you and your sis.

Thanks for your concern Lynda! I had my sister get into my email and I think she sent you a message for me. All is well -yeah!! My email is not working - can't access mac.com and can't send out on eatlink.net. I believe it may be time for a new computer. The new Mac G-5's look great - and I suppose I might as well throw in an iPod as well, right? So, for a few months (as the money stacks up in my savings) I will probably be without email. Boy, do I miss it!! So far I can access the internet fine. Ah well, not the greatest problem in the world - but I sure miss it! Thanks again Lynda - hope you're feeling better and better - I'll be you're really glad to have ditched the drains! Your pal, Bette

Pam--I had this issue when I was young and skinny, and then when I was MO and again now. It is nice to be able to actaully see pictures to be able to get a real read.

I think all of us deal with this in differenting degrees. How fast did you lose the weight/ If it was quickly, it sometimes even harder to get a good grasp at what you look like truly. I have the exaxt same problem but I think to a more severe degree. i work with a work book call body image for people with BDD. It does help. I hope you find the right thing to help you. We work SO hard to make ourselves better, it would be great to see what others see. We know we are beautiful on the inside. Just a few thoughts, Stacey