Ok for those of you who have kids or work with them I need advice!!!

I am going crazy here.My kids are slobs,whats can I do to show my kids that I am tired of picking up after them and that they should do it all the time themselves.Because like yesterday I spent a lot of time cleaning up my house and them came home after thier after school events and with in a hour my house was trashed yet again with them and thier friends coming in and out all the time grabbing something to eat or drink or just to mess around.So before I could go to bed I had to clean up the house again,I feel like I am just going to explode. I am sick and tired of doing this everyday!Now my son is 13 and my daughter is 8 and they are both capable of doing things for themselves.Now what can I do to make them believe me and show them that I am serious!!!Advice needed please!!! Candi

You can do what I do, If Marianne don't pick it up, it isn't worth anything and it goes in the trash.... a few times, and a few favorite things, later, she has learned when I say pick up, it means now.....

My hubby hates it when I tell the kids I'm getting the big black trash bags an throw it all away if they don't pick he thinks they should have say in what goes an what stays .When I get to that point I'm through talking its time for action so while they are at school it all goes away when they ask I simply tell "Oh I didn't think you wanted it anymore because it was on the floor not put up " .But if you find a better solution let us all know .Kristy

Candi, Many years ago a woman told me that she could not get her kids to make up their beds, their argument was why make it up when it will just get messy again.. so one evening she set the dinner table with dirty dishes. When the kids complained, she asked "Why should I wash dishes when they will just get dirty again". Her visual lesson drove her point home and her kids began helping with housework. For me, I assigned chores and they were not allowed activities until all chores were complete. I assigned one kid to clean up after the others, this way they put pressure on each other to not be so messy. Gina

How great a visual that is.... going to keep that one for some time to use in my journey as grandma LOL deb a lady I admired greatly, a fellow teacher and church buddy had her kids washing their own clothes when they were young like in 4th grade on. So I started mine doing the same and was no problem while they were in school with the saying "MOM where is my blah blah blah- did you wa****" LOL and now my daughter in law LOVES me for doing this then... deb

TJ and I would load whatever the kiddo left in her floor and "ground it" for two weeks by putting it in the attic. After two weeks of not having her favorite clothes, shoes, PJs, etc. it sent a message to her brain, "avoid reoccurrence at all costs!" She did much better. By the way, her chore was to take out the garbage each day and if she forgot to do it we could just put the garbage sacks in the bathtub so when she got up to take a shower she'd have to first get dressed, take out the garbage and then come back in to take her shower. DD

Yup - TRA**** - I mean after all isn't that what they're doing by not taking care of it? If it's too hard or expensive for you to do that, they just bag it all up - make like you're taking it to the trash then go and hide it. You can then bring things out little by little as they earn them back!

Your kids are old enough to have chores to do on their own around the house. Get out paper and make a chart. the 13 year old is in charge of cleaning up the living room every night before bed. The 8 year old picks up the kitchen - picking up any wrappers, putting glasses or dishes in the dishwasher, wiping up the counter, whatever. Make it before bed! If the rooms are bad and it take them 30 minutes then shut the tv off 30 minutes early so they can get it done. When their friends are messy and they know they lose tv later to clean it up they will be more careful of throwing things away or cleaning up as they make the mess. Or you can do what I did to my son - if it's on the floor and he's asked to pick it up and he doesn't it goes into a garbage bag. Didn't take too long for that rule to kick in and be memorized. Get their friends involved too when you're there - have them pick up after themselves - if they can eat at your house they can clean up after themselves.

Hi Candi, The only thing that makes my kids change their behaviour is when they experience a negative consequence. Find the things that your 8 and 13 year old like. For mine, it's TV and their game boys, or hanging out with their friends. If they don't do "_____" (insert chore here), then they don't get their game boy. If they don't do their homework, they don't get to go out with their friends. You may want to tell your kids that they cannot have friends over if it means the house is trashed. If it were me, I would say "Yesterday you left the house in a mess, so today you cannot have your friends here" (that's the consequence). "You may have your friends over in the future if you leave the house like you found it" (that's their choice for the future). It's best if the consequence is related to the "crime" but it doesn't have to be. Linda

I have no words of advice but, remember somday they will be gone and your house will stay as clean as you leave it. Now that I have grandkids, I have learned the lesson that most of the things I raged about when my kids were younger were not the really important things in life and I missed out on too much fun by forgetting what was really important in life. I agree you need not be a slave, and they need to be involved in the care of the house. I do not believe in the concept of kids "helping" you keep the house clean, rather that caring for our home is EVERYBODIES resonsibility. (not just Mom's) I like Family cleaning days, where everybody had to be there and pitch in and set it for a limited period IE 1 hour, then everybody is free. or 20 minutes before bedtime, all house picjk up , attendance required. They might want to take better care if they know they will be cleaning right alongside of you.