CT scan and MRI coming up

HMMM... I went to the doc today for an adjustment on my ritalin. She doe not want to try me on anything else yet so she lowered my dose from 40mg of ritalin LA to 20 mg of regular ritalin. I took the ritalin today and I was still getting irritated! It is not the dosage like I told her. It is the med itself. So back to the phone tomorrow and I am goign to call her and tell her that the 20 mg is still making me angry. I have not ben on the ritalin for about 5 days so it is out of my system so it isn't because of a build up. I was fine before taking it. I also found out that I gained 6 lbs in the last 3 weeks. That is a total of 30 lbs in 9 months. I am at that point that I know I can't stop this madness. I don't think I am eating enough to put on that much weight that fast. But if my gastroenterologist doesn't find anything or if my thyroid meds aren't messed up then it is all me. I have a CT scan tomorrow and an MRI next week to locate the reason for the pain in my side. Thanks Delores, I talked to the Gastro doc about what you said. He is going to look for it. Has anyone felt that when they gained weight, they didn't deserve nice things? I went to the store today and saw some shirts I liked. I remember not too long ago wearing a M/L. Now I know I can't wear that anymore. So I put it down saying I didn't deserve it anyway after gaining so much weight. Old thinking coming back of self loathing. Joanne

Hi Joanne. I am sorry that you are struggling right now. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but things haven't been so hot for me either lately, so I don't think I'm in the best position to offer advice. The best I can do is send you a big cyber (((HUG))), and offer you my support and friendship. Try not to be so hard on yourself; I fall into the trap of self-loathing also, and it's incredibly hard to turn those negative thoughts around once they surface. I hope that the CT scan and MRI give you some answers. Please keep me posted. Your Friend, Lelina 298 (highest)/132 (lowest)/152.5 (today)

Thanks Lelina, I can use the cyber hugs. Yesterday I hopped on the doc scale. It said 213. My lowest is 183. But in the last 3 weeks, it has gone up by 6 lbs. But worse, my diabetes is slowly returning. Joanne

Joanne, I'm sorry to hear that your diabetes is returning. Are you back on meds yet? I'm also sorry that no one else has posted to support you during this difficult time. I've really gotten fed up with OH of late for just this reason. People would rather post to "popularity contests" about what everybody's wearing or who's having coffee right now, while posts from people who could really use some support go largely unanswered. I guess that's why I pretty much stay away from the boards these days. I think I have some anger "issues" too! Lelina

I just wanted to say that I hope you find the source of your pain and get back to feeling well again. I too have been feeling poorly and it's depressing and inconvenient to say the least. Let us know what they find. Take care, Melissa

Hi Joanne, Sorry that you are struggling right now. If you have read any of my posts lately, you will see that not only am I strugling but others as well. We are in this together. You are not alone. We are here to support each other and I hope you feel it. Please don't be so hard on yourself, (easier said than done) but rather encourage yourself. Tell yourself that you can do this and that you will get through this. You have come too far to give up. Keep your head held high and keep reaching out for support. Keep us updated on your results of your tests. God be with you! Your Gastric Buddy, Jeannie

Joanne honey I am sorry this is going on for you the insulin resistance is such a viscious cycle-----you may want after the gastroenterologist is done consider seeing an endocrinologist........one if your blood sugars are being affected as well you may need to go back on medication.........which one will be the tricky part, best left to a trained expert now to the deserving nice things..........of course you deserve them, you deserved them at your highest weight and you deserve them anything below that. You are worthy of self-love regardless of what the scale says. The mental part of this journey is the hardest by far for me. Personally I use prayer and meditation daily to ground myself and to remember to be grateful that I am not morbidly obese anymore. I also use here and a local support group. I do belief that a good trained professional whether it be an OH chapter leader, a religious leader, psychotherapist or psychiatrist can be of immense help when it gets to hard to do it alone. hugs to you(((((((((((((())))))))))))))) gratitude is my attitude Amanda S VG-DS October 2001 highest >350/342 start of wls journey/156@goal and after ps