*** Wednesday"s Vows ***

Good Morning! It's already the middle of the week and the weekend will be here before we know it! Hope everyone is having a good week so far. I'm honestly having a hard time, but I will overcome! I need to reach out more for support. That's what OH is all about. So I'm reaching out today and asking you all to help keep me accountable. Don't be easy on me either. I need real support. I know what I need to do and I need to just do it! I know that beating myself up isn't the answer, but taking all of this lightly isn't helping me either. So I welcome the encouragement, correction, support, kick in the butt, and understanding. Today I need to: 1.Get ALL my Protein in. 2.Get ALL my Water in. 3.NO Grazing! 4.Do the Treadmill. (No more excuses)! 5.Write down what's bothering me when I want to eat. How did you do yesterday and what are you vowing to do today? This is real people and some of us struggle and some of us don't. The one thing I do know is that we don't have to struggle alone. Have a Blessed Day! Your Gastric Buddy, Jeannie

Jeannie, You are definitely not struggling alone. I find that because I feel and look better I sometimes don't take this process seriously. I do not want to end up 5 years down the road having gained weight back and wondering why I went through this to begin with. Thank you for admitting your struggle. I did not exercise yesterday and am having a hard time with getting it in. I am not sure why. Think at one point I felt like it wasn't doing me any good but now I see it is easier to gain without exercise and my mental outlook isn't as positive. I got my water and protein in ok but did not get anything else done as my brother made an unexpected visit last evening but thats ok cuz there is healing going on in that relationship. Today I vow to drink exercise protein no skin picking-- this is a very embarrassing compulsion I have and it's gotten out of control this week. I have been to dermatologists who say it is just a nervous condition. Been on antibiotics and BC pills for cystic acne on my back, have tried wearing gloves or socks on my hands at night, rubbing ointment instead of scratching etc etc etc but I still do it and right now I have several wounds from insect bites on my legs to acne on my back and who knows what on my arms etc. It is ugly, painful and disgusting and I am not sure what more to do about it except LEAVE IT ALONE!!!! Well this was way off topic and I apologize but man its a big deal to me right now. Anyone have any suggestions? Thanks! Lucy

Lucy, I may be WAY off base here but .... I'm reading 'People of the Lie' by Scott M. Peck. It is about "bad" people and the affects they have on the lives of others. In reading last night, there was a depressed teen who picked at himself ... like digging something from within. The boy's parents were sick and actually gave him the gun his brother used to kill himself a few months earlier as a CHRISTMAS gift. That said to the boy 'Follow in your brother's footsteps'. Other behaviors the parents exhibited futher confirmed the boy's belief that he was somehow responsible for his brother's suicide and that he, himself, was an evil person within. Thus the picking at himself. Is there something recent or far, far in your past that may be causing you to feel guilty or unworthy (rightly so or errantly believed)? Causing you to enjoy the pain you're causing yourself? NOTE: As we all know feelings are feelings and we are all entitled to what we feel. Sometimes, however, we need to look past the feeling and analyze the 'cause' of the feeling. Again, I may be WAY off base ... I just found it so interesting to see a post like this today after reading that last night. Hope this helps someone in some way, Julie

Thanks Julie! Yes I have heard or read along those lines before. It may have something to do with feeling guilty about how I eat. I have experienced it several times this severely in my life. Often as a child for no apparent reason but as an adult especially I remember when I was fighting with my brother over inheritance, moving, selling a house etc. Now i am stressed thinking about a possible TT and wondering if I will continue to battle the food demons successfully over the years or if I will end up MO again. Thanks for the insight. Lucy

((((((((((((((Lucy))))))))))))! We are not alone that's for sure. I too don't want to regain my weight. I come too far and went through too much to sabotage this great gift. I am a food addict and eat out of my emotions. That is a fact, but it doesn't have to control my life. It controls me only when I let it. This has been a lifetime battle and I am determined to win the battle once and for all. I'm tired but I'm not giving up! I'm down, but NOT defeated!!!!! I may get kicked down every now and then, but I don't stay down. God has given me the power to be an overcomer through Christ and I make the choice each day to use that power or not. When I don't make the right choice, I pay dearly. So why do I keep doing this to myself? All I do know is that this madness has to stop!!!! I am going to church tonight and I'm going up for prayer. It's been awhile since I asked for prayer in this area. Everyone kept telling me I needed to gain weight back and although I did, now I feel out of control. So to tell them that, I didn't want the comments that I am still too thin or I can stand to gain a few more. Trust me, I am not trying to loose anymore weight, but to maintain. They don't understand the struggles, but I need someone to just understand the feelings of being out of control. I am to judge where I need to be at w/my weight. No one else. Someone a few weeks ago asked me if I weighed 115Lbs. I said no, 148. They were floored and didn't believe me. I carry my weight well. So that is what I mean by they don't understand. Five pounds gained to us is serious. To them, it's no big deal. That's why I'm thankful for OH. You all no my pain. We are here for each other. Lucy as for your picking, I think it's something that only you and a theraphyist can work out. I'm sorry you struggle w/this and I pray you find a solution. You are worth being happy. Don't punish yourself. We've done that to ourselves long enough. It's time to have a fullfilling life. You are worth having a tt and ya know if you still gain a few pounds, you still deserve to have a tt. You worked hard and you will continue to work at keeping what you have. You are aware of what you do and what you don't do. That is a major step. Now it's staying on course and getting the help you need. You encourage others, now encourage yourself! You can do this Lucy. You will do this. Hang in there! We are here for you. Jeannie

I'm with you in your daily struggles -- boy, would I like to be one of those people who don't struggle. Unfortunately, that's not me. I think we have so many years of bad habits, and unhealthy relationships with food that they seem to haunt us sometimes. I can see where the pounds will creep back rather quickly if we just let things go. I know several people where I work who have had the surgery, but have gained a lot back. I don't want that to be me --- or you! You look too fabulous Jeannie! Just remember that. Together, we can make a difference today in the way we approach our good health. I join you in your vow to eat ALL our protein, and drink ALL our water. Grazing -- especially at night -- is a killer. I really need to live with the "NO Eating after 7 pm rule." I do exercise, in fact I've gotten a bit fanatical about it, but then I think I can just blow off good eating because I've worked out. HELLO --- it doesn't work that way! I have to remind myself it takes both good eating and exercise to keep fit. Jeannie -- let's all be accountable today! We'll lean on each other in our journey! Joni

Joni, I thank you for your words of encouragment. I agree about having years of bad habits and unhealthy relationships w/food. This surgery isn't/wasn't the cure all. Oh if only it was! (sighs)..... It however has given us the opportunity to have a tool in aiding us. The tool can't do us any good if we don't use it properly. Together we can help each other and encourage each other to use our tools effectively. Yes, Joni let's lean on each other in this journey. Have a successful day! Jeannie

Jeannie, Have you been on the treadmill yet? Just jump on for even 5 minutes ... don't worry with changing clothes and all ... just do it! Let me know how it felt ;). Today I VOW: * Drink 64oz liquid (water, tea, crystal light) * WATCH MY CARBS! * Get all my protien in * Eat my veggies Tomorrow morning, I get to weigh to see the results of the past week effort (first REAL effort I've made to watch my weight since surgery). I'm SO excited! I *DID* weigh Sunday (my normal weigh day) and had lost 2lbs since 9/1!!!!!!!!!!!!! But, even if I didn't lose much ... I'll keep trying until at least 9/19 when I meet with my surgeon for my one year (really 14 months) check up. Julie

Julie, Your too much. I started to read your reply and thought oh I don't want to change my clothes to exercise and then you said don't even worry about changing your clothes. LOL.... I got up right then and there and did 15mins. It felt good and I will do the other 15mins. before bed tonight. I promise! Thanks for the push Julie, I needed it. Congrats on the weight loss! You are trying hard and proving to yourself you can still do it. Keep up the good work. The main thing is you are trying. Talk to you tomorrow. Have a great night. Jeannie

Good job! Woohooo! You've started!!!!!!