Reasons to AVOID the GYM?

G'morning gals and guys ~ Well, since SOME of us canNOT sleep [grrrrrrrr - courtesy of my two cats that REFUSE to get along] I thought I'd work on an early morning post about my least favorite activity...EXERCISING and the GYM!! There's gotta be a moral to this story somewhere. Im sure by the time my brains done, I will have new reasons to AVOID the gym? This story is too funny (odd) not to share, but get comfy, it's a long one. About six weeks ago - Kim (SunflowerGirl) and I started working out at one of the local rec centers here in VABeach. Twice a week - we're fluttering around like mermaids out in the deep end doing an Aggressive Deep H20. Three days a week we're at the gym, working on cardio and pumping iron (I always wanted to use that term with ME in the sentence). The true shocker? I'm starting to like this workout stuff. So much so, that Ive already asked my girlfriends in OKLAHOMA to find me a gym I can go to while I'm out there for 2 weeks, over Labor Day. Anyway, Im working out and semi-enjoying myself, feeling QUITE COMFORTABLE with the crowd there. Dare I admit this to all of you? The average AGE in the early mornings is 65 - 75. Not a bad thing, and I'm not knocking it, so if you fall in that age range, be gentle with me. Nope, I only mention it so you understand the rest of my story. Last week - I'd just gotten off the "E" Trainer Never can remember the techie name for that machine, all I know is that it kicks my ever luvin' butt and supposedly will tighten it too. I walk over to the weight bearing machines to start my "sets". I tend to do the same machines in the same order every day, we're off to the first machine, which happens to be the BREAST Machine! Im sure there is a "techie" term for that too - but cut me some slack. I'm 45 years old and for the first time in my life, Im using the machines at a gym. So, Im sitting at the Breast Machine and adjusting the weights. An older gentleman, prolly flirting with 70's? ..walks over and strikes up a conversation. All the while, Im trying to do my sets to perk up the 'girls' and have a friendly conversation, he's standing above me so it stands to reason - Im talking to his CROTCH! Awkward - but I press on. Somehow we start talking about Delbert McClinton (awesome rock 'n roll and blues singer) and he walks out to his car and comes back, giving me a Delbert CD that he'd burned. I tried to gently turn him down, but he wouldn't hear of it. Of course I then thank him, we talk a little more, conversation ends. I finish my work out. The next day Kim and I are back at the RecCenter to swim - so we avoid the gym and in turn, I should have NO reason to run into my friend. Or so I thought. As soon as Kim and I walk out of the pool to leave, he comes out another door - like perfectly BAD timing, or something. Of course, he wants to strike up a conversation again, I toss out a few pleasantries, but at this point Im starting to get all kinds of RADAR signals. I'm feelin' very awkward, because all he wants to do is talk to ME it's as if KIM isn't even there, so she and I are both asking ourselves... "WHY is that?" Round Three: We're at the gym again, he's on his trusty treadmill - I get on my "E" machine, puff-huff-puff, get off, walk to the weight machines. Yep, it's the breast machine... adjust the weights, start my sets and there is my Crotch-Fella again, right in front of me. We talk, I do my sets, Im running outta breath ...he talks, Im doing my sets... he walks away, I breath a sigh of relief because he's left, nope - he comes back, talks some more... repeat the above scenario, THREE times!!!! All the while, I can see Kim in one of the mirrors, on a machine, laughing her butt off because she KNOWS Im starting to get strange vibes about it all, as is she. Fast forward to yesterday: [wake up people, I'm almost done here] I pull into the parking lot and lo' and behold, there's my Delbert Crotch-Fella' coming out of the Rec Center. Good grief, I felt like the teenager that's caught by the parents trying to sneak in the house late. I immediately went into "GUILT MODE" and ducked! LOL, yep, that's right, DUCKED! Bright as daylight out there, my car is just coming to a halt in it's stall and there is NO driver behind the wheel. Nah, that didn't look out of place. Lucky for me, as I peer between the slits of the steering wheel - he's not looking in my direction. But starts walking towards the parking lot. DUCK again! Catch my breath and wonder what the frick im doing... oh yah, Im pretending to tie my sneakers if I get caught. Close call, he's parked two cars over (a very sporty expensive midlife crisis kinda convertible) and gets in. I'm still hunched over staring at my damn feet wondering HOW I've gotten into this situation? I wait and wait and wait and WAIT - he never starts his car. Frick it, it's time to sit up straight, exit the car, my eyes staring down at my feet again and walk towards the door quickly. Hopefully he won't see me? Right Lei! I haven't gotten 5 feet and the LOUDEST gawd-awful HORN BLARE shrieks across an otherwise quiet early morning. He was a man on a mission and he laid on that horn and did NOT let off. Prolly 5 seconds? Not a cute lil "toot toot". Nah more like a HONKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!! SO I gracefully jump out of my skin, turn around wave, point at my watch, laugh, wave and RUN into the rec center. Kim is already there and I tell her what I've been doing for the last 10 minutes - playing hide and seek in the parking lot and she starts laughing. She then tells me, "Oh yah, he came up to me and specifically ASKED FOR YOU LEI. He didn't even say hello, or ask how I was doing, just wanted to know where you were" So the whole time I'm working out today, I'm wondering HOW IN HECKS NAME did this start out as a friendly conversation with a guy who could be my grand-father and now I'm dodging a grandpa-stalker! He's just waaaaaaaaay too interested in "how Lei's doing", ya know? It's almost FUNNY and I'm laughing about it looking into the mirror as I'm doing a set of leg weights. SURELY I've had ALL the strange stuff I can take from "old dudes" for one day.... WRONG!!!!! There in the mirror I see an older man (gee, whatta surprise, he's in his mid 70's too) and he's on the stationary bike, which happens to be in front of the floor mats. On the floor is a younger lady, cute figure and a very LIMBER BODY, as this older fella was finding out first hand. So this lady starts doing all kinds of stretch type stuff, turning her body into a living pretzel. She's got a skin tigh***** bitty outfit on - shorts, half top, speedo thingie. Why not, she's in a GYM and that's a gym outfit. LOL - I still can't believe this next part, but the OLD GUY? Well, he likes what he's seeing SO much, especially the ones, where her butt and frontal parts are thrusting, or facing the sky, etc... and he takes out a TINY camera and starts taking pictures. Very casually - wipes his brow :snap: adjusts his baseball cap :snap: scratches his nose :snap: The entire time he's got this really strange grin on his face and seems seconds away from giving his right hand an additional workout! Is it any wonder I find reasons to avoid this GYM stuff? RECAP: A 70+ year old that is starting to STALK ME and a 70+ year old that has me worried about bending over [kodak moment]!! I can see the headlines on Channel 10 now. "A heart attack brought on by excitability? Police are looking for any of the women in the photos found clutched in his left hand. If these breasts or butts look familiar, you're being asked to call.....yada yada yada" Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! On that note, Im going to see if maybe - just maybe, my cats will allow me to nap for an hour before gettng ready to go to .... gee, you got it, THE GYM!!!!! I hope most of what I just recanted made sense, my mind is too tired to proof read this stuff. Have a great day - Lei

Tooo funny!!! But I know what you mean about the "kids". I've got 5 of em and there's been many a night that I've had a kitty cat fist (paw?) fight right on top of me! Of course I can't throw them out of the bedroom, can I?

LOL - Linda, you should see the new battle scar Im sporting. Literally, about FIVE inches long and on the top of my hand. Dontcha know Im gonna milk a lotta sympathy outta that one. Looks so much worse then it really is, but that works in my favor. Glad you got a chuckle out of it, I still laugh when I think about it ALL! Uh, and grimace - [sigh] - cause I need to walk out the door NOW for the gym! Wish me LUCK!!

Lei, Lesson learned....don't exercise in the wee hours of AM....Gotta and Won't! Thanks for the laugh! Debbie

LOLOL - no no NOOOOOOOO - you don't understand woman, if I don't go NOW (as in im already 3 minutes late) then I will NOT go at all. [sigh] Ive perfected PLAYING but not EXERCISING! Wish me luck - Iz about to go out into the trenches. Eeeek!

I read your very interesting story and all I can say is "Dang, I sure wish I were to a point where I could hunch over in a car looking at my feet!" Have you bothered to ask him what he did during World War I, what he thought when the TV was first invented, did he stay up with his great-grandkids to watch the first man walk on the moon, etc.? Just think how many years of history you could learn from that man!! DeeDee

Lei, maybe you can work "that good looking, young, BUFF " husband that you are working out so hard for IS comming home and you want to SUPRISE him with the GREAT body you are working on .. Maye he will get the HINT???? TOO funny , great story.. 70 huh .. I need to hit the gym more often Kiwani

Hi there Lei, Cute story--welcome to my world, living in southwest Florida all there is here is late 60's to 70 somethings. Makes me feel like a young babe. Actually, it reminds me of when I was in the military. Got lots of attention then too. LOL. Oh, btw girlfriend--pushing 70 probably makes him father age-not grandfather (we are getting older).

MaryLyn

If you want to move our date next month to my gym, I'm game. Nowhere Man/PH/Jay