Friday Question. Weigh-in on this one.......

Hey Grads A Quick, Or Open ended Question for Friday........... How is everyone doing with "Body Image?" Or- Why do you think this is an Odd one to Overcome" Or- "Is 'Body Image' an issue with you? I'm used to seeing the new me in the mirror now But if ever I'm outside And I see my shadow? It freaks me out just a little. I'm like a groundhog. It suddenly makes it evident that there's Some discrepancy between how big I actually am And how big I think I am. I still feel like I occupy more space than I do. Anyone else feel like a "Biggy" Size In disguise? I still see others and think- "I wish I was that size." But now (according to my wife and son) I'm saying that about people bigger than me. I've been holding right at this weight for around 5+months And still not used to it. You? Why? Why Not? Best Wishes- Dx

Body Image is a huge issue for me. I had a therapy session about 3 months ago and we were talking about how I still see myself as 300lbs. So she pulled out this huge paper that covered almost her entire office floor and gave me a marker. She told me to draw a life-size outline of how I see myself. Well, I did it and then she hung it on the wall, made me turn my back to it and traced me around the picture. Well -- when I turned around I cried like a baby. I was amazed that I was more than half the size smaller then I see myself. It really made me open my eyes more. I also still catch myself in shadows or a reflection when Im walking outside or something. I wonder if we ever really catch up. We've been big for so long. Could it be like what they say about when you breakup with someone it takes 1/2 the time you were with them to get over them. Is weight the same. If I was fat for 20 years will it take 10 to see myself thin????? Jill 298/154

Dx, Sure wish I had the million dollar answer here ... but sad to say, I don't! Truthfully, I was starting to feel pretty good about myself and accept me as I was. Starting to fit my body into my head, ya know? BUT and this is a VERY BIG BUT ... I just viewed some snapshots of me at my older sons wedding from last week. And oh my goodness ... I looked so much bigger in them than I felt I looked before the wedding. It does not make any sense to me. My shots before the wedding felt like while I was not skinny mini, I was not as big as I was pre-op. But now suddenly, I am feeling almost as big as I did before surgery. I guess I should admit that I gain 4 pounds during the couple of weeks before the wedding (poor eating and lack of exercise will get ya everytime). But certainly 4 pounds would not cause me to look like I did 120 pounds ago. I so wish I had never seen these snapshots ... I am feeling so depressed right now. My hubby is telling me that I did not look fat in the wedding photos, and yet, I see fat? What is up with that? I understand the dismorphia in the mirror, but I have had to deal with it in photos before? It is all so very confusing! I just wish I could get past all of this, but instead, it seems I take two steps forward and one step backwards! My biggest concern about this latest "discovery" is that I truly am still really overweight and my mind has just been playing tricks on me in the other direction for a change. Read here ... instead of seeing myself fatter than I really am, perhaps I have just been seeing me smaller than I really was and now suddenly I have awaken and am seeing the real truth??? HELP HELP HELP WOW way too much inner reflection for a Friday morning!!! Hope you have a WONDERFUL day DX ... your journey continues to inspire me. You have done an awesome job with your tool and you are truly an awesome person!!! Hugs, Tammy

While you were composting and posting your question, I was doing the same. I sure hope that your question fosters some excellent discussion. Mine was more open. I went shopping with my wife yesterday and took two pair of jeans into the changing room. One pair was 32x30 and the other 33x30. The 33's fit very well, with the exception of the abdominal area where I still have some "leftovers". The 32s were tight at the waist, but I recall wearing 52s that fit just as badly. As I took them off and looked at the 32s, I just could not get my head wrapped around the idea that this little article of clothing was within about 8 pounds of fitting me. I am still Hoss, Big'un, etc. It is not so much an issue of anxiety as it is almost one of sardonic humor, a kind of farcical reality. Instead of one of those fat suits that actors wearing for roles, I have somehow found the skinny suit, where the interior dimensions exceed those of the exterior. Think Dr Who and his Tardis! Nowhere Man/PH/Jay Jay

I just had this discussion earlier this week with my husband. I grew up thin (although my mother thought I was fat at 5'5" and 115 pounds). I was a competitive swimmer and was in great shape. I was the Disco Queen in Columbus, MS in the mid-70s and looked fabulous in my size 7 slinky disco dress. [ http://arcadiahill.com/picture/deedeepics.htm ] My "image issue" stems from the fact that I never see myself as large as I really am until someone takes a picture of me. I went shopping a couple of weeks ago and bought several "cute" outfits and thought I looked absolutely adorable with 95 pounds gone. Feeling a little smug I had TJ take my picture to send to my daughter and I swear he needs to work on his photography skills ... I still look fat!! (Of course I still have about a hundred pounds to lose, but still!!) I read all the time about people who never feel thin and I often wonder if it is different for folks who gain weight later in life. I dunno. DeeDee

LOVE those GO-GO boots!!! Such a cutie!!! I hear ya about being thought fat when in truth you were not. My loud and obnoxious aunt who had long ago pushed pass 300 pounds called me fat when I was about 13 or 14 and weighed in at max 120 soaking wet. She said I was going to end up fatter than her. Since everyone else in the family was there to witness this event and no one disagreed, I spent those important teen years certain I was as big as my aunt. And soon enough her words became truth.

My mother yanked me out of bed every morning starting in junior high and made me weigh. She repeatedly told me that no boy was ever going to want to date me unless I lost another 5-10 pounds. Trust me, I had PLENTY of dates! Despite the fact I was a competitive swimmer, walked to and from school, rode my bike a lot, etc. she literally tried to starve me. For breakfast I would get one slice of cheese toast. Lunch would be a boiled egg, a slice of bologna, a slice of cheese and a dill pickle. Dinner was either a hamburger steak or piece of chicken with a whole can of green beans. I was desperately eating any time I could without her knowing it because my body was actually hungry! I truly believed she totally screwed up my metabolism at an age when I needed to be eating a lot more than what she fed me. Oh the impact of the Twiggy generation and the warped sense of what we were SUPPOSE to look like! DeeDee

Dee-I am in the same boat as you. I too was regular size when I was younger. I somehow never saw myself as large as I was until the end. That is going toward your theory about it being different for those who gain later.

Lynda, I'm so glad to know I'm not the only one. I really have a hard time seeing myself as an obese person most times. Silly me just keeps behaving with a confidence level of someone who's wearing size 10s & 12s (which I thought I was a little overweight back then thanks to the MOTHER!) When I hear people telling stories of being made fun of for being fat I can't relate. I didn't get large until my mid-30s and I guess by that time I was working in a professional enviornment with people who were mature enough not to make rude comments (at least to my face). I even left the company I work for (a Fortune 200 company) in the year 2000 and seven months later they called and asked me to come back ... all 338 pounds of me! I've never felt any prejudices at work, church, etc. Or I'm just REALLY naive! I have to admit I'm grateful I didn't gain the weight until later in life ... I do think there is a huge difference in being heavy later in life. Now, I need to go look in the mirror again and remind myself I still have a hundred pounds to lose and I'm not nearly as cute and adorable in my size 20s as I sometimes allow myself to think I am!! DeeDee

Dee--I did FEEL obesity prejudice from people as an adult. It was very distinctive and I notice now being treated differently as an average weight person. Nobody yelled slurs at me though. One night we were leaving a function and my husband asked if I thought people treated me different just because I am now normal or if maybe I acted different. It really was an interesting ?, because even though I didn't think of myself that way til the end it definitely effected me. Growing up was hard enough at a normal weight--never mind obese. Ya know--when I was young and thin I didn't see myself that way either. I was 5 foot 6 and weighed 108 lbs and though I was fat!