I Can't Defend all WLSers...

I have a friend who works with a woman who had WLS in 5/04. We went shopping the other day and she is telling me how this woman eats cheesecake and blueberry pie and all manner of sweets (the real stuff, mind you, not one of our recipes), doesn't exercise, continues to lose weight and is having a TT and breast lift in October on the insurance company's dime. I don't know what to say to her...we know that this will catch up to this woman and I'm surely not going to defend her. My friend knows that I don't eat like that so I'm not sure why she tells me all this. Actually, all it does is make me crazy that someone can eat unhealthy food, not exercise and continue to lose. I think she wants me to explain this woman's success and I can't - all I do is say that it will catch up with her, although I'm not really sure of even that. Thanks for letting me rant! Judi

Well, Rant away. My first thought is we can only control what we do, not what someone else does, but you know that. The honeymoon period for this individual will end soon, come to a screeching halt. As most of us on this board know, after the initial 1 year to 18 months, things do start to get harder. It is only because most of us have followed the rules (well most of the time) that we are able to reel it in now. Unfortunately it will catch up with her, and then she will be one of the individuals that won't understand why this didn't work for her. And even after the tummy tuck and breast lift, she will gain weight again. I mean all of us have lost and gained weight alot. The whole idea now is to not gain it back. EVER. Hugs Susan -170

Judi, We all know that if this is what this woman is really eating that it will eventually catch up with her. My guess is that she's not being entirely honest with your friend. I find it hard to believe that she's eating all of that, not dumping, and continues to lose weight. I think there's some definate stretching of the truth here. So, keep the faith and keep doing what you know is the right thing to do. I feel your pain, I have a friend like this too and I eventually found out that this person had actually gained back 10 pounds. Gilding the lilly is sometimes more popular than admitting that you've made mistakes. ps If her insurance is covering all her plastics with no problem, I wanna know who they are, so I can sign up! take care. thx g LAP RNY 5/11/04 328/198

Maybe she had the DS. It's my understanding that DS'ers can get away with a lot more of that kind of eating than RNY or lapband patients can. Either way, it bothers me that your friend is watching, judging, and reporting on what the other lady is eating. People watched us eat and judged us when we were fat, and they do it even more after WLS. I personally get very tired of it and offended that people feel they have a right or a reason to watch-dog what I'm eating. I usually eat very well, but if I occasionally choose to have a treat of some sort, I would hate to think that someone is watching me and reporting it to others as an example of a bad WLS'er. If and when it does catch up to the other lady, it's her thing to deal with and nothing for the rest of us to get wrapped around the axle about. It might not catch up to her--maybe she's one of those people struggling with going underweight and her doctor has allowed her to add desserts back into her diet--we don't know. Now, if she's out there telling new post-ops to eat like her, that's a problem. But if she's just doing her own thing and it's working for her, more power to her. That said, I understand the frustration and irritation of feeling like other people can break the rules with impunity when I can't. I have always hated it that if I stray even the slightest from a strict diet plan, it seems like I always pay the consequences right up front. I resent the heck out of people who can push the boundaries and nothing bad happens to them--I certainly can't! So I understand where you're coming from and have no problem with you ranting about that. Try not to worry about it--you know you're doing the right thing, and that's what's important. You are doing a fabulous job with the tool you've been given. ---- Leslie

Exactly the reason why I didn't tell anyone about my wls. Too many people watching just waiting for every little slip.

as another person posted, The thing about this that really bugs me is the judgment being passed. Since I'm not perfect I'll not comment on a total strangers eating habits. I am frequently in the situation you are in, there are 4 other people in my department at work who have had RNY WLS. I was the first. I constantly have people coming up to me with commentary about what others are eating. how much weight they have Or have not lost. truth is, one other got down and regained some and the others are still fairly overweight. I am asked why did you lose and they didn't. I just say I don't know. I have a different program and a different surgeon. I went thru Barix which has a whole program, focused only on WLS, and they went to a general surgeon who does some bariatric surgery as a small part of his practice. I refuse to comment on the others eating habits. They know what they are eating and what they should be and I am not the food police. AND I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE WATCH ME EAT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You're right you can't defend other wls patients. Just say something like each person has to work their own wls plan and let it drop. If you encourage her by making comments, she will probably take them back to the other lady anyway. I use to really envy people in my support group who ate as they had eaten pre-op and continued to lose weight faster than me. I on the other hand followed all the rules, ate on the low side of the allowed amounts, exercised daily and was a slow loser. At 18 months I look back and find I am thankful I was a slow loser because I have learned new eating habits. Those I envied during the early months stopped losing long before they reached goal and are now gaining weight again. They don't have good eating habits to fall back on now. I truly feel sorry for them. I may not be thin but I know I've done all I could to reach a normal goal and I will continue to work my plan.

Yikes! I never thought about it from the other side - that my friend was keeping track of what this woman was eating. Thank you for raising my consciousness on that point. I've learned two important things - I am going to say that it isn't my responsibility to defend people's eating but, more importantly, it isn't polite to disect what other people - and I WILL tell my friend that. Thanks all! Hugs, Judi

We had a friend come and stay with us for about a month. She is a Lap-Bander. She could sit and eat Rootbeer Floats everynight. ( I wanted to attack her... but didn't. Depending on the surgery she had she might be able to eat those things. If she had RNY she still might be able to eat like that... Just so long as they don't "force" (tempt) me to eat it.... Darlene