Dealing with People.....

Okay perhaps its not people and its me.....Why do I always get into abusive type situations at work. This is about the fourth boss I have had in my life that has treated me so poorly. Before I would eat those feelings away until I was numb. Now I am not sure how I am dealing with it. I was so mad at myself on Tuesday for allowing that man to talk to me that way...I wondered why he chose to pick on me? I was so surprised at his reaction and discussion with me. Then he called me a liar in so many words which drove me nuts! I cried and cleaned the house all that night....my hubby couldn't deal with me at all....I am not a stranger to this type of behavior and I want to know how do I stop this cycle. How can I work for a normal person that would treat me like a normal worker....Okay so I am looking for normalcy....Is there such a thing. I need to get the Heck out of that place. I am not going to hang around eight years like I did at the last job that I was treated poorly. I want to know how do you deal with these types of people. Am I wrong to want to run away from this stuff. The guy apologized to me today...but to me that was empty...it should never had happened to me! Debbie

Debbie, dont take this the wrong way, but maybe you need to stand up for yourself and not "allow" anyone to treat you badly. I dont know you, but from reading your post (and the fact that you say it has happened 4 times before) it seems that people tend to take advantage of your good nature. Maybe you are a person who doesnt like confrontation? Sometimes though you have to confront the person who is abusing you. Next time it happens, just tell him how you feel and that you wont tolerate the way he is talking and treating you. This is just my opinion and I hope I havent hurt your feelings. There are people out there who tend to bully anyone they think they can. I learned a long time ago no one can do anything to me that I dont allow them to do. So...Stand Up for Debbie and let him know you arent going to take it! I am sorry you had to deal with this. Joyce

Funny thing is Joyce I tried to stand up for me this time but very next day first thing AM he came to apologize to me in front of other co workers. This made it really hard for me to come out and say you schmuck I will not be talked to like that ever again! Because the night before this is what I rehearsed. I was so ready to lay into him...how do you do that when they are apologizing. I did ask to still have a chat. I will do something privately because that is the way it should be done. It still bothers me but not as much as it did when it happened. This one really bothered me...I had no way of eating it away. I can't say I don't like confrontation much. With some people it doesn't pay to confront them....like in the case of a boss. They can yank my paycheck away. But You are right...I have been a walking mat in the past and I need to change this. Stand up for me and stop worrying about the check first! Maybe this will stop the cycle. Although being independently wealthy would really help. Debbie

Debbie, I so understand where you are comming from.... I just left my job the first of July.. had it for 8 yrs.... since surgery... I cant eat away the mad or the hurt if fact the stress got so bad that I couldnt keep ANYthing down.... I QUIT.... Oh god I was scared, I lost my health insurance and they didnt pay me my vacation, but I feel like I got my sanity and health back... It will take me a little while to get back on track with bills and such... but I took a breather and stayed and visited with all of my grandbabies a little longer and then came home and got a new job... Now let me just say... I am a hairstylist , so it is not hard to get a job, but it is hard to find a place you like and HOPE like heck your clients follow you.... I LOVE THIS PLACE AND THE WOMEN I WORK WITH... NO STRESS.....NO CRAP.....I CAN KEEP FOOD DOWN.... (dont know in the long run if that is a good thing ) lol..... You will do what you need to do, but DEBBIE, if you dont take care of YOU.. who will????? You can get another pay check, you may struggle more for a while... and hopefully you will feel like a new YOU while doing it.... Kiwani

Kiwani, I am kicking around the idea of just quitting. I am scared but I am sure something would come up....I would really just like to hold out and keep looking because I don't see this place changing ever. I understood from another coworker that this goes on a few times a year with this man...and being the owner of the Company well who is going to tell him differently. Getting out is the best thing for me. I hate this stuff! Thank you for your support Debbie

Debbie I feel your pain. I used to work for some really awful people. It was so bad that I used to wake up EVERYDAY and think to myself "I just can't go back in there, I just can't." Well needless to say that was many years ago, and I decided when I left that place that NEVER would I have a job where I was treated badly, let it stress me out after the day or wake up the dread of having to go in. Now that being said, that doesn't mean that I haven't had some bosses that got under my skin (and vice versa I am sure) but the bottom line is you deserve to be treated with respect. Professional curtisey, you know what I mean? I have even gotten into with some of my bosses (they change alot). I have had to give them the warning - "You have no right to talk to me that way." and if it keeps up, I walk away and let them know that I will talk to them when they are ready to treat me with the same professional courtesy I give them. So first thing he did was apologize? That doesn't make what he did ok. You have the right to let him know, in front of other co-workers, thanks for your apology, but I don't appreciate the way you talked to me. It was unprofessional and if I were a stranger on the street would you have talked to me like that? As far as yanking your paycheck away - my feeling on that is I was looking for a job when I got this one, I will be looking for a job if I need to get another one. I know that it can be hard to stick up for yourself at work, but no one deserves to be treated badly. Good luck. Hugs Susan -170

Susan, I am starting to think I need out of small business completely. I need a big Company to work for....but I am sure I would have same problems there. You are right...I was looking when I came...I will keep looking until I find what I like! Thank you for your support and kind words. Debbie

Well, at least he apologized. I would have said apology accepted and I hope it doesnt happen again, because I really didnt appreciate the way you talked to me. As a matter of fact I actually told one of my bosses (and he was co-owner of the company) that I would not listen to him when he was chewing me out one day and that when he decided to talk to me in a more respectful manner then we could discuss the problem. LOL That sure shocked him, he wasnt used to people talking back to him. There are ways to stand up for yourself and not be confrontational about it. Just be calm and tell him how you feel. I figure he apologized in front of everyone because he didnt want you to take the problem to HR. Just because people are bosses doesnt give them the right to walk all over people and make them feel threatened that they may lose their job. Anyways, I hope there isnt a next time, but if there is I bet you can handle it! Good luck, Joyce

You can bet there won't be a next time! No way no how! Thanks for the support it means alot! Debbie

Do you have an HR Dept? I know around here, they are sooooo very scared of lawsuits, that they dot the I's and cross the T's anytime anyone brings any allegation to them. Verbal abuse is nothing more than harrassment. And re: the bullying. I know where you're coming from. I was THE fat kid in school, life was a living hell. Everyone bulllied me. And nothing's changed. As soon as someone starts in, regardless of what it is, I'm instantly transported back to grade school, that cowering little kid in the schoolyard . . . I back down constantly and beat myself up for it later. You're not alone. Good luck!