2 Years.... Where'd the time go?

I remember every bit of my struggles 2 years ago... I remember being winded crossing the street, I remember the breathlessness and gasping, I remember the pain in my lower back/feet, I remember having to rock to get off the couch, I remember the seatbelt clip gouging my butt from my extra-wide ass trying to squeeze into that little bucket seat, I remember it all! I remember the 3 hour drive to the hospital - I remember Johnny Young talking to me the whole way there telling me things would be alright, calming my nerves, and giving me the courage to continue (and I will ALWAYS be grateful to him for that). I remember those people who visited me in the hospital since I did not tell anyone and had no friends/family there to support me (Jennifer Jordan and "Mom" [Free Butterfly]). I remember the kindness of another WLS Family who broke me out of prison and took me to the hotel for recovery (Susan Green and her family). I remember the encouragement and wisdom that so many people on this site offered both before and after my surgery (some didn't even know how much they'd helped me [Tooter]) and others I corresponded with regularly [Charlie C., Lynda M., Lynnda S., Susan Maddy , "Mom"/Free Butterfly , Leilani, and the list goes on and on and on]). I remember a few conflicts in the beginning and the ultimate forgiveness and support offered by a couple of people on here -- and have to thank them for igniting that deep seated determination to succeed that drove me to make it all the way to goal. I was determined to make it - and I'm determined to maintain the loss (mainly for myself, but I must admit I owe a lot of gratitude to them as well). They know who they are and I will not "oust" them due to the fact I used the word "conflict" at the beginning of this paragraph. I remember the struggles I went through - first with trying to find a way to eat those foods that made me fat (which now make me sick) to just eating and keeping it down. The beginning was very hard - what would stay down got old and testing new foods was always an experience. I would not eat at work for fear of what I would feel like for the rest of the day if I did. I found snack foods to sustain me throughout the day that were healthy alternatives to what I ate in the past (thanks to a lot of you - I couldn't even begin to name everyone who offered high protein snack choices - there are just too many!) I remember the pats on the back and encouragement to continue I got from this board whenever I'd make a new "mini-goal." I remember the emails you guys would send about updating my profile when I'd been MIA for a while. I remember the emails I got whenever I'd sneak an update onto my profile when I didn't think anyone was really paying attention or even cared what was going on in my life. I remember the astonishment and welling in my chest every time someone new would reach out to me during my struggles and will always hold each of you in a special place in my heart for your unconditional acceptance and encouragement - it has been nothing shy of amazing! In 15 months and 1 day, I made goal -- losing a total of 142 lbs. I never thought I would see that day, but I did - and you guys were there for me then too! Since then I've maintained within 5 lbs. of my lowest weight (149 lbs. -- weighing in this morning at 154). I did have a "regain" up to 160 lbs. from eating my boyfriend's gourmet cooking, but have since brought that back down. So much has changed around me - although I still am the same person I was 2 years ago (granted, more confident and less willing to settle). The dreams I had prior to WLS are starting to take shape now (after grandma died, the whole world opened up to possibilities - I am no longer married to this state). I have not hesitated to pursue my dreams, nor have I had second thoughts about doing whatever it takes to advance my opportunities in this world. I no longer allow anyone to take advantage of me, hinder my dreams, or stand in my way of doing something with my life. I have found my "voice" to express tactfully the things that bother me that I tolerated before (and secretly resented) and have found a new sense of peace with not only myself, but with others. Over the past year, I went from hermit to social butterfly. I no longer isolate myself due to embarrassment. I went from not dating to having the opportunities if I so wish to take them. I went from not willing to meet anyone to looking the whole world in the face with a huge smile because I know where I've come from and cannot express enough gratitude that I am no longer there! But what amazes me most is that it has only been 2 years! It took a long time for me to recognize myself in the mirror and accept what was truly looking back at me, but I can now. I went from a tight 22/24 to a 6/8 -- a XXL to a M - and even though I am comfortable with a lot of aspects with my "new" body - I am still very much aware of my own perceived flaws and dress "conservatively sexy" when I want to feel desirable. I do remember wearing baggy shirts and pants thinking I was hiding enough of myself that no one would notice just how fat I was, to recognizing that "baggy" only makes it worse! I do not wear skintight clothing, but I do know which cuts look the best on me and dress appropriately for the occasion. Regardless of what I am wearing, I am comfortable with myself. This has been an incredible journey into self-realization and self-acceptance. So here I stand, 2 years later. I'm at goal, my mind is in the right place, and I'm ready, willing, and able to conquer whatever obstacles are put in my way. I feel so empowered, confident, and at peace with myself -- and I owe that to WLS, the support from OH, and all of those endearing friendships I've made along the way. So THANK YOU to each of you -- I don't think I could have done this without you guys!! Much love, encouragement, and best wishes to you all ~ Traci / "Perry Fender" / Nil Carborundum picturetrail.com/pfenderwls "Helmut" folder password: german "Pirates of Montgomery" password: party

congratulations Tracy! You have done a tremendous job! and what a babe you look like! Glad to hear everything is going well for you. I am in Boston right now--been really busy--hence the reason why I haven't responded to your email. Don't want to take the time to think. I don't think any of us will ever forget where we came from and how far we have come. I am so happy to have had this surgery. Take care and will talk soon. Hey--we were talking about maybe planning some sort of get together somewhere so we can all get together and socialize. Do you think you'd be interested?

You know I would be!!! I've got a couple of irons in the fire on job prospects (one in Colorado that I really, really want) so I have no idea where I'll be -- but keep me updated on whatever you guys decide! If I can - I will be there! Be safe in Boston -- we'll catch up when you get home! Thanks for your emails and encouragement these past couple of years -- they've meant the world to me! Love ya chic ~

Traci, You look fantabulous! Thanks for sharing your story. I've watched you along the way although mostly as a silent lurker. It's always nice to see the truly success stories; which you are one! Congrats! DeeDee

Hey cutie!! Do you know when I had my profile up that I had your profile linked? Not that I had ever had a staple line disruption -- but the information and images were very note worthy! You've helped "educate" me in many aspects and I have to thank you for your candor! You will make it all the way to goal and I have no doubts! Thank you for the kind words - I appreciate your support and am here for you anytime you need me -- just drop a line! Keep up the great work -- you're doing fan-tab-u-lous! Much love ~

Awww, shucks, you're so sweet. I sure wish my note worthy photos had been the before/after type glamour shots but, ah well, someone has to have the yucky ones, eh? Although I wasn't a WLS poster child I hope that my SLD has helped others when they've faced the same thing. I re-read my "journal" this weekend and had to laugh at myself. Within less than 8 weeks of being post op I was TRYING to keep my calories down below 1200 a day --- hmmm, you'd think I'd have recognized I had a problem right away. Shee****'s hard being a clueless newbie! I hope by the time I'm THREE years post-op I can be posting something like you did today. Is there a world record waiting for me somewhere out there for being the longest post-op to get to the century club? I'm only 5 pounds away! I can taste victory! Oh, no, wait, that's beef jerky I'm tasting. DeeDee

You're a nut! I have faith you will get there -- it's just a matter of sticking with it and patience (which I don't have a whole hell of a lot of -- never have!) Speaking of Jerky (which I must admit is an excellent protein source and mighty fine tasting to boot) -- there's a little Tai lady I met last year that made some for Christmas and gave it as gifts -- I've been trying since then to get the recipe to make it at home -- that was the best stuff I ever put in my mouth!!! I've since tried every damned brand on the market -- and nothing even comes close to homemade! I swear if it weren't such a pain in the butt and expensive to do on my own -- I'd experiment with it here at home until I got it right! It would be much easier if I could just get her to come off that recipe! Keep the faith cutie -- You'll get there! (and if I get that jerky recipe -- I'll shoot it to ya!)

Way to go Traci. I am so proud of you. Elle

Uh oh -- looks like YOU have a 3 year anniversary coming up tomorrow! Don't ya just love it? Congrats to you as well -- you've done a fine job! Love ya chic ~

Traci, Happy 2nd Anniversary! I've looked at your profile many times in the past and you look fantastic! Congratulations on your awesome success!! Eileen