Why am I so obessed with a number?

Here I am -- almost one year out -- and I'm obsessed with reaching a 25 (normal) BMI. I'm not sure why that is so important to me. My surgeon didn't really set a goal for me, and I know I look OK ... but.... For once in my life I want to be a normal weight. And that will take 15 more pounds. My BMI is 26.6 now, so I'm getting closer. How did the rest of you decide your goal weight? Did you use the normal BMI weight or did your doctor set it? Am I just being silly? Joni So close and yet so far away 295/170/155

My surgeon said we are to add 15-20 pounds to the insurance weight charts because as former obese people we developed denser bones to carry around the excess weight and bone weighs more being denser and we can't expect, nor should we try to fit into the "normal" range set up in doctor's or insurance weight charts. He showed examples of post ops who are in the 150 - 200 pound rance who look 20 or 30 pounds less. It's the bone density. He has never set a goal for his patients and steers them away from too low a goal. If you're happy and healthy and your body seems satisfied with the weight you're at now - you shouldn't care what a number on a chart says you should be. The chart doesn't take into account any other factors, and so it's not accurate. Besides, being normal is highly over rated anyway. Have a good day! Myrtle.

That would absolutely true for those who have been obese on a life long basis. For those who became obese later and/or have not been so long periods, bone density may be less an issue. However, given the problems that many women face with post-menopausal loss of bone density, that might be a real plus. Looking at it this way, one has a reserve to guard against osteoporosis down the pike. Still living in my Nowhere Land... NoWhere Man

I like the bone density issue. I've been heavy since childhood, so I know I probably do have dense bones. What .... a benefit of always being overweight? Amazing! I talked to a very skinny, always skinny, disgustingly skinny, (you get the picture) woman in my office this week. She asked me point blank what I weighed and I (like an idiot) told her. I would have never told her before. I said I weighed 170 and she was shocked. She said I looked like I weighed 140 or so. Mind you, she weighs about 130, but she eats very little and exercises ALL THE TIME. I don't think I want to live like her to be that small -- exercising all the time, walking 10 miles a day, etc. I don't have that much energy. It didn't hurt my feelings that she was shocked at "how much I weigh." I know most people think I weigh a lot less because they tell me I need to quit losing. I think there is something to that dense bone thing. Thanks Joni

hey Joni.. can only speak for myself but I mostly wanted a size ... dumb but i wanted to get to size 8.. course when I got there then I wanted to weigh about 140. it was what I was in HighSchool .. doc asked what I wanted to get to... told him and said its obtainable.. if you work at it.. You are NOT being silly or if you are we all are silly... no wait... i got it we're just VERY focused lol... yeah thats it!!! have a great weekend!!! deb

FOCUSED ---- I like that! By the way, I love your hair and flowers in your Renaissance photo. That's my kind of outfit -- off the shoulders, but hiding my drooping arms. I wish that kind of style could come back! Thanks for your thoughts. I going to think FOCUSED, not obsessed! Joni

Joni, I know what you mean... I was that way.... It takes me looking at pictures to see how I really look .... I dont believe what people tell me I got below MY NUMBER and looked and felt like hell... I now want a few pounds.... It may be silly to other people, but not to those of us that have been there.... I am now trying to get back up to my doctors goal for me and just forget about the NUMBERS... I just think we have spent most of our lives being obsessed with our weight one way or the other and it is hard to stop and just enjoy.... Hopefully we can help each other with it...... Kiwani

I like the idea of helping each other. That's why this board is SOOOOO great. Our support group is having a speaker next Saturday about body image. I've heard her talk briefly before. She says we're not that different from college students with Anorexia. I find that hard to believe, but she says people who have lost alot of weight or those who are extremely skinny can still see themselves at fat in the mirror -- even if they're not. She's suppose to bring some ideas how to change that, and I'll bring them back to the board. Have a great weekend! Joni

Joni, Are you going to need plastic surgery? I keep thinking about how many more pounds I need to lose and then realize the doctor told me I'm going to have at least 20-25 pounds of excess skin just in my butt & gut area that will need to be removed. (For some reason all my weight settled between my waist and knees.) Maybe your extra 15 pounds may be excess skin that you won't be able to lose as just pure weight loss? I don't know... just a thought. Good luck to you. DD

I am really lucky. My excess weight was well distributed on my body, and I carried a lot of it in my legs. I don't have a lot of extra skin just hanging. I just have a lot of droopy skin everywhere -- especially my arms. I'm trying not to even go there because I know insurance will not cover my plastic surgery. I'm sure it's a couple of pounds, but not that much more. Thanks for your kind thoughts. Joni