Not being ugly... not.. but

Hi Misha: You are quite correct in saying that an individual person was acting in a duplicitous fashion, saying one thing while on the men's board while spouting something quite otherwise on the main board. Duplicity always stinks but I think you are judging the whole situation by the actions of an individual. If you are interested, you might want go back through the initial threads of the men's forum. You will note that several posts asked that women not post in the men's forum. There was outrage over this, as it was taken to be exclusionary, rude, and mean-spirited. Some of those simply took a "I can do whatever I like and there's not a thing you can do about" oppositional posture in response. All I am trying to say is that the desire to exclude newbies from the grad board has significant analogies with what occurred on the men's board, and that some who voicef outrage over their exclusion would be happy to exclude others they can do without. Still living in my Nowhere Land... Nowhere Man

Nowhere Man, I didn't realize the other things that happened, I only saw what went on with that particular man. Sorry about that.

I agree..

I agree, lurk all you want, but those with less than a year should not post here! Before you know it, this board will become just like the main board.

In one of my other support avenues, they actually close down the permissions of people who are not a year out from being able to post to the "Grads" type board. They are allowed to lurk all they wish, but comments are restricted to those who meet the criteria. Sometimes people do need a space of their own. I don't want to have to worry every time I publish a post if some poor pre-op is reading it and getting freaked out about the realities of the surgery. - Which I suppose I shouldn't care - everyone needs the truth. But the general areas are so Rah Rah, and sometimes I'm just not feeling like that. It means the world to me to have a place of our own - where I can say "God, sometimes this really sucks. Glad I had it, but it blows chunks" and I won't get a response like "now, stop that you'll turn away someone *****ally could use this surgery by your 'harsh' critique." Sometimes this does blow, and that doesn't mean I'm not grateful for the surgery, and all the wonderful side of things. It doesn't mean that I have to pretend it's all sunshine and roses. Anyway - just wanted to lend you my support. It offended me when I started reading pre-op questions here. Because this isn't the forum for that. My feelings, ~Lara

I lurked here for more than a week, waiting for my one-year anniversary to post. I wouldn't have posted even a day before my anniversary out of respect for the intent of this board. I think it's reasonable to politely ask pre-ops and early post-ops to take their questions to the main board. If we answer them here, they will certainly come back, and others will feel free to post their questions as well. There are PLENTY of other places to get those questions answered other than here, so it's not like we'd be throwing newbies out in the cold. We were all newbies ourselves at some point, and most of us enjoy mentoring those just starting out on the journey. But it is perfectly reasonable to say, "This is our place to deal with our own issues. Please respect our space. We'll be happy to help you on the main board, or the state boards, or the surgery type boards, etc, etc, etc." I don't think it's ugly at all to bring this up. What's the use of a Grad board if non-grads can post here? ---- Leslie

Firstly, I have to admit I agree and had the same gut reaction, when I heard a "newbie" question...hey this is ours. Then I took a step back and thought of how they might feel. We are so excited about this new place to play and our playground reaction is "tick tock the game is locked". They must feel that we think we are superior, especially if they read how we are glad to be away from them! Now don't get me wrong- I would be the first on the train out of here if it turned into an extension of main boards- that is why I found my way here. How about this? We all learned and gravitated to the "oldies" when we first started- reading their profiles etc. Maybe if we drop in once in awhile to the place we started and they know the "oldies" have not abandoned them, they will be more willing to sit on the bleachers in our playground! Only a thought...

I'm new to this board but I agree with you. I was disappointed to see the newbie post in here. I'm more than happy to answer their questions on the main board, but I was so looking forward to a board where long term post-op problems could be discussed. Personally I think my policy is going to be that I won't answer any newbie questions on this board. Maybe they will get the hint if they don't get answers here. If they want to lurk I don't have a problem with it. I support the men having their own board and think it is a great idea. I don't post there because it's not a board designed for me. I feel the same about this board. It's for long term post-ops discussions.

Don't feel bad, Deb, I had the same reaction to the newbie post. I considered sending a private e-mail to her suggesting she post on the main board but didn't because I didn't want to appear rude. I just chose not to answer the post. But I do think it sets a dangerous precedent to answer it and encourage others to ask these types of questions on this board. Just my humble opinion. Connie -147# @ goal

welcome to lurk but do not post - ya know you might have something there. perhaps it could be that you only gain "respond to post" access with a date of 1+ years. hmmmm.... it would still let people lurk, but not post.