In A Really Bad Place!

Hello my wonderful friends! I am so glad to see so many familiar faces posting again. I've still been lurking around the main board, but truthfully, like a lot of you, I just don't find that a lot of the topics are relevent to me any more. I am so thrilled that OH created this new forum for us! I have been in a really bad place for the last couple of months. I am still maintaining my weight within 2-3 pounds of my original goal weight (145 pounds), but I don't know how. My Binge Eating Disorder has reared its ugly head again, and I am truly amazed and disgusted by how much I can eat again. I am also finding that fats and sugars don't always disagree with me like they used to. I am really trying to take things one day at a time, but as those of you who suffer from eating disorders know, it can sometimes feel like a bottomless pit of despair. I'm sorry to be such a downer, but I really am in a bad place right now. I am 21 months out, and never dreamed that I would be fighting these old demons again. I love you all, and I applaud all of you who have figured out how to "peacefully coexist" with food. Maybe one of these days I'll get it figured out too... Lelina

Lelina, I am so sorry and I'm feeling for you. The disorder is always there. Sometimes it's in full force and sometimes it's just lurking. Instead of thinking I can ever beat it, I'm trying to live with it. I'm trying different techniques. I'll tell you what I'm doing and maybe some can help you: - if it is night time I will just go to bed early - I switched from caffeine to decaf coffee - I will eat about 10 SF Philly Swirls or SF Jellos in one sitting to take my mind off of eating something else. - I will always have deli meat and cheese on hand. WHen the evil binger come out I will try to eat a few meat-cheese rollups. For some reason the packaged deli meats make me feel full faster. I can't offer adivce on how to stop your disorder. All I can tell you is that you really need to CHILL OUT because the stress you are putting on yourself because of your lack of control is making you eat even more. Good luck to you. Michelle 8/3/04 295/150/150

Hi Michelle! Thank you for your support. You have some good ideas for heading off a binge that I will try. It's nice to know that I am not alone. Only people who suffer from B.E.D. can truly understand what it is like. I am glad that there is finally a forum where I can admit that I have a problem without being flamed. It's hardest to deal with the shame and secrecy of it all. Lelina

Lelina, Howdy from Texas. Its nice to meet you. I usually post only in the Texas Messageboard when I did post but lurked mostly. I have this guilty complex thing that I posted to mostly those that have little or no one posting to their posts... but its a big group and before long I just felt like I wasn't getting my own daily support... this is very nice and for once its all about me... hmmm dont wanna get selfish here but ... going to enjoy this site and absorb just for me syndrome lol for a change. I too find myself falling back on some of the Old habits. But its nice to see others here picking up the slack when we are down. Hope to get to know you more down the road here girl.... very nice to have met u!!! deb

Hello Deb! It's nice to meet you too! I can so relate to what you wrote about posting to the main boards. I too would try to lend support, especially to people who didn't seem to be getting a lot of responses. I very seldom ever got a response back. Even a simple 2-word response of "thank you" would have been a appreciated. Before long, I too felt like I wasn't getting my share of support, so I mainly started lurking. I also felt like being in such a bad place myself, that I really didn't have anything positive to contribute to the main board. It's a double-edged sword. You want to try to show newbies that life as a post-op is not always going to be rosy, without totally scaring them away! You also run the risk of getting flamed for posting not-so-uplifting messages about "how it really is". It's going to be nice to be able to come here and "just be myself" for a change, imperfect and flawed as I am! Thank you for your support! Lelina

I am in the same place! I am 23 months out and I can eat like normal people again! "Normal"...yeah, right. I can eat as much as normal people, but normal is the farthest from what I am, lol. It is hard to believe how easy it is to fall right back into bad habits. And how quickly I run to food at times of stress.Thank God I dont eat as much as I used to or the kinds of foods I used to eat but the feelings and the actions are still there.

Hi Lelina, Glad you founds us. This looks like it will be a place for us all to find the support that we need so badly to "peacefully coexist" with food. I don't think I will ever be there, but at least I can find anothers point of veiw to get me through the really bad times. I hope you'll come here often and get a little recharge to help you make it through your difficult times. Have a good day!!! Connie

Lelina, I'm still trying to lose even though I'm either 26 months post-op or 7 months post-op depending on whether you count my first or second surgery. I appreciate your post and I look back and wonder why I didn't see these types of posts when I was first researching. I sometimes wonder if I just looked at this surgery through rose colored glasses. I think it would do all pre-ops a world of good to know just what it's like after being past the honeymoon period. I hope they're lurking! I have no answers for you even though I feel a lot of the same things you do with the food demons. I can only imagine how much worse it will be once I get to the point of maintaining. Thanks for the reality check and good luck to you. If you find the magic formula please let us know! DeeDee

Lelina, I dont know if we ever learn how to peacefully coexist with food, or at least I cant seem to. My bad habits have returned also, some days I have control, other days not so. Maybe eating will always be a problem for me, one way or the other. I miss the early days of this surgery when I didnt care if I ate or not. But, we have to deal dont we? You say you are amazed and disgusted at the amount you can eat now; how does that amount compare with what you could eat before surgery? Bet that will amaze you too and you may realize you arent eating near as much as you think you are. I just wanted to let you know, you are not alone. There are a lot of us in the same boat. Joyce

I can VERY much relate to what you're going through And it seems the further out you get, the harder the head battle is. Sigh....I'm going to try sucking plain water when I feel a carb craving or a craving for foods that I know I shouldn't have. Maybe if I water-load, I can replace the sensation. Kind of a behavior modification.....(((HUGS)))