Putting a stop to the MaDnEsS!!

I don’t want to sabotage myself from reaching my weight goal of 145 pounds, but I’m realizing that I’m sabotaging myself by constantly letting myself have bits of this, and bites of that... These “bites” are now turning into meals, and I’m realizing that I’m eating maintenance foods all throughout my day. I’m also back to the habit of being driven by food. When am I going to eat next? What am I going to eat? This was the pre-surgery way I lived my life and I don’t want to go back to that.

I started reflecting on why I allowed myself to fall into these habits again, and I realized that I think it was because I freaked myself out at the possibility of success. I was so close to this goal that I was actually right at 150.0 for about a day. I think I freaked myself out at the chance that I would actually accomplish something on my own, that I just went into eating hyper-drive. I gained up to 156 in a matter of two weeks because I was just eating whatever bull**** thing came my way. That is so terrifying to me. I justified to myself that I was only at 150 for a day, so it didn’t really count. I had weighed 153 on September 9, then September 10 I was 150, and then the scaled moved back to 153 on September 11. So I told myself it didn’t really count, as I’m not supposed to be weighing everyday anyway.

I reflected for a bit yesterday on why I freaked myself out of continuing to lose weight, and I realized that I really deserve to get to my goal weight. I shouldn’t give up right before I hit the finish line out of fear that once I reach my goal, I’ll mess it up. It’s like I’m purposely messing up before I ever get to goal so that way I don’t get to goal, only to screw it up. This is so backwards!!

Anyways, I’m not sure if anyone else has gone through anything like this. I’m back on the food wagon. I was perfect in my choices today, and I’m going to continue tomorrow. I’m going to stop eating as if I’m in maintenance and I’m going to focus on getting this last 11 pounds off… because I deserve it.  

And another happy note..... I did my measurements yesterday and I've lost a total of 17.5 inches around my hips alone. How crazy is that?!?!?!  

I use the 12-step program of Overeaters Anonymous to help me maintain food sobriety.  I could never do this alone.  I am a compulsive overeater, whether I had surgery or not.  They operate on our stomachs, not our heads.

I just wrote a blog post that says a lot of the same things.

You already have a good handle on what happened. Just remember that we have modified our bodies for LIFE. Both living LIFE fully but also for duration of LIFE. Even after goal reached, you need to stay alert to what your mind and body are doing. Your journey does NOT end with goal -- it is just a signpost along the way.

It's worth the effort -- I climbed Mt St Helens at age 61, and recently hiked the Great Wall at 66. And still going strong!