Relationship and excess skin

Looking for a sounding board from those who understand what WLS is like and how it affects your life.

 I have been dating a guy for almost 3 years.  We have talked about making a life together and seem to be on the same page.  This guy made mention of my excess skin in the past but seemed okay with it.   We love physical activities and routinely hike, bike, walk, and camp.  Recently we went to Mexico for the first time together.  Spent a lot of time on the beach and I thought, had a generally good time. A few days after our return he dropped the bomb shell that he felt self conscious about my excess skin and felt that people on the beach were staring and making comments about me.  This may be true but I at least felt I had come to a place where I will just enjoy myself in public and not worry about what strangers think.   He says he loves me but is not sure he can deal with this part of me any more.  His said he is not wanting to break up with me but wants me to look into plastic surgery for which he will help with costs.   Although I would love to have PS, I found the cost too prohibitive.  I realized that he was not immediately comfortable with my excess skin at the start of our relationship but thought he had come to terms with that part of me.  After 3 years I want to get on with a life together (buying a house together, etc.) and doing PS would considerably delay being able to do that.

I feel conflicted since we are so compatible and generally have a great time together.  We enjoy most of the same pursuits and want to live a healthy lifestyle.  Sure we had arguments but normal and the few things that bothered me were not a big deal, who expects perfection?  He has been a little distant lately so I wonder if this is really the cause or is there something else.  

I have a feeling of where I need to go with this but am looking for some feed back.  

Thanks for reading. I'd love to hear from people in relationships excess skin and all...

Hi, I just joined.  I don't see any replies to your post, so I am curious if you got any private messages or not.  I guess I'm wondering if you are still with this fellow.  Personally, I think if he was the right man for you, it really wouldn't matter to him.  I say end it.  Been there.  Happily married to a man who loves me even with my overhanging pot belly and stretch marks that he sees daily as we both sleep nude.

So sorry!  I misread the dates and thought you posted this in 2009.  I am still learning my way around this site.  So disregard my comments about if you are still with him and if anybody else had answered you!  haha. 

No worries, I did just post this, and even several years later I struggle with my self confidence and appearance.  I thought I had come along way but this last week I feel like I'm back at square one in regards to dealing with my skin.  I did have a very thoughtful and personal response via PM and it helps to hear others experience. 

Thanks for taking the time to respond.

I would make him pay for all of it and then dump his sorry ass!! But I am a ***** Seriously, though, my boyfriend loved me thin, loved me fat, he loved me with excess skin, and loves me with scars. But the plastic surgery was for my mental health. He did not want me to have it and told me I was beautiful even when I had floppy skin.

There are guys out there who can love us "as-is".

If the skin bothers YOU, find a way to get it removed. There are plastic surgery residency schools that are very reasonably priced.

I am with Laura.....

If it bothers you then get it removed, maybe explaining it to him on why you want to keep the excess skin will help him understand. Does he know that you want to get on with a life together and that you think ps would delay that? He should love you as is, but maybe you should look into yourself as to why you want to keep the excess skin apart from it being costly to remove or delay your life together cuz if he wants to help pay & he wants to move forward to a life with you whether you have the skin or not, then why not remove it?

It sounds like he's using your excess skin as an excuse to break things off. Since he's distant, and you're wondering if it's something else, you're probably right. Good luck.

^^^

What she said.  After three years together,  he's telling you that he can't plan a life with you because of your excess skin. I think he is looking for a reason to leave and this is an easy excuse.   What if you undergo PS and he still doesn't like your body?

I think the best advice is to get him to pay for it, then dump him.  But I'm a ***** too  

Good luck with whatever you choose.   I've been with the same man for almost 20 years and he's loved me at my highest weight.  Never once made a negative comment or felt embarrassed to be seen with me.  That's love.

I'm sorry you're experiencing this...   I've typed and erased many things here in the last few minutes.. I guess I am a bit conflicted. I think it's good he was honest, and is offering to help you with surgery.. the problem I have is I don't think HE should care. Why does he care what strangers on the beach think? 

If you decide to get PS, please do it for you, and nobody else.