just broke 4 of the cardinal rules...feeling horribly guilty

I'm 11 months out from my RNY surgery and couldn't be happier with the results.  Have lost half of my total weight, and am way below all my goals.  This morning I weighed 117.0 lbs (I've been hovering in the 116-118 range).  My HW was 230 lbs. 

So why the #*^!@! did I just stop at a Tim Hortons, buy crap, and then proceed to break several of the post surgery cardinal rules, which I've happily been living by for the past year?!?!??

I just ate a chocolate chip muffin (top), and 2/3 of a cinnamon bun, AND a diet pepsi, which I drank with the food, and I used a straw.

So here I am feeling like crap - physically and mentally.  The food is not sitting well (although unfortunately I'm not a "dumper" so I can tolerate the foods I crave - namely sugary carbs).  I NEVER drink with food (although I really miss that)...I've been religious about this, because of all the cautionary tales of people stretching their stomas with the dreaded "slurry" mixture, and gaining weight.  I haven't had a carbonated beverage in over a year.  And I gave up straws at the same time.  So, WTF???  Why did I do this?  Yes, I'm feeling stressed about some things, and yes, I was having overwhelming cravings, even though I'd eaten a lot of protein today, but I HATE that my normally good food habits can go right out the window in a split second.  At 2 pm today when I calculated that I'd already eaten over 1,100 calories, I thought to myself "well, you've already screwed up the day, so you mind as well really screw it up and eat something you actually want".

It really scares me.  This may be just one incident, but I had a weight problem all of my life, and being newly thin, I feel like I've got only a tenuous and fleeting hold on my new weight and this new me.  I know how bad I used to be, in terms of my eating and addictive/compulsive habits.  I constantly fear that I will gain my weight back (yes, not "the" weight, but "my weight - like it's going to come back home to roost), and of course this is all my own damn fault.

I've got my one year follow up appointments booked for November with the NUT, the social worker and the nurse practitioner.  There will be lots to talk about.  Everyone is so incredibly complimentary and always tells me how wonderfully I'm doing, but today I feel like a total failure.  ~ sigh ~  I don't want to end this on a total downer.  On the positive side, the diet pepsi tasted weird and metallic, and I didn't really enjoy the cinnamon bun like I anticipated I would.

QUIT KICKING YOURSELF IN THE ASS!  It's a waste of time and energy.

Put it in the "live and learn" category and go on about your business!

You cannot expect progress to be in a straight line.  So, these things happen.  But, you really DO need to ask yourself WHY you did it.  It's not good for your health, regardless of your weight?  Revisit why you did this surgery in the first place....

Good luck!

It is never too late to do the next "right/wise" thing.  Throwing your eating plan to the wind because you messed up doesn't sound too wise.  How would that make you feel better about the wrong decisions at Tim Hortons???

Forgive yourself and move on.

Penny