veered of course....how do I get back on?

Hi.  I haven't been on OH much in a year or two.  I am 3.5 years out and struggling.  I am up to 157 and holding out there, which is more than I want to be, but livable if I can maintain it.  its the mental stuff thats getting to me.  I seem to have become an adrenaline junkie and have no sense "bad idea!"  I know my friends are tired of "babysitting" me but the minute they don't I am engaging in all sorts of risky behavior.  I have always been a conservative stable person and I am acting very out of character.  I know I NEED to do something to change the situation, but what???

What are you feeling so deprived of in your life, you need the rush of risky behaviors and why don't you believe you can have it so much that you're settling for a crap substitute? Don't answer that, it's probably not my business, but it's the first thing I thought of when I read your post.

My second thought is, what does your labs looks like and what has your vitamin intake been like for the last year or two? You might be malnourished. Deficiencies can mimic mental illness, create psychological distress like you're talking about and certainly affect neurotransmitters, which are responsible for those highs you're seeking. If you're not getting enough vital nutrients, neurotransmitter levels can suffer and so will you. 

I'd suggest labs first, then a good counselor. I'd also suggest reading the book The Diet Cure by Julia Ross... I don't suggest it too often, but I think it might be beneficial to you.

Oh hang in there! I'm right there with you!