3.5 Years out, depression and weight gain.

It's been so long since I've been on any of these boards, let alone post anything.  I had RNY in February of 2009 and my surgery weight was 232. At my lowest weight, I was 147 and that was last December. Since December of last year, I've gained 10 lbs.  I have struggled with depression for 15 years even after surgery. I have had 3 miscarriages and now work in a postpartum unit with new Mothers and their newborn babies.  I live with my boyfriend of 3 years and he lost a significant amount of weight before we met (not RNY). Needless to say, we've kind of kept each other "on the bandwagon" so to speak.  Because he never had RNY, he can still eat the sugar, carbs etc without consequence.  We don't keep white carbs in the house, but there are granola bars, brown rice, oatmeal, crackers, Special K chips and whole grain bagels that he eats on a regular basis.
Because I was in nursing school up until June of this year, I couldnt afford the membership to the gym. My iron levels and H&H have been critically low so I can barely get throught a 30 minute exercise video without feeling like I've run a marathon.  I'm scheduling an appointment with a hematologist to get an iron infusion (and hopefully that will help a little).  I fluctuated between 148-152 for awhile. Then, right after graduation it seemed like the other 5 pounds just stuck on like glue.  They won't budge.  I struggle with severe hypoglycemia now after surgery so the 5dpt isn't really an option. As a nurse, I can't stop often enough to eat. 
These 10 lbs I've gained has affected friendships, my relationship with my boyfriend and has even affected my job.  I know what I need to do diet wise (protein, less carbs, water and vitamins) but I just felt the need to vent. 

 Hello Jena,
OMG that I just read this post as I am sending my surgeon's office an email now while typing this reply. Since December 11, I went from 157 to 211, been under extreme stressing measures, financial conflict, my immediate parent passed in 2010, and since has been a beaten that I take. Family, huh, what family, they all attacked in search of finances (isnt that how is always is?, well, worse here...) including a 32 YO jobless, self-centered brother who gave no contribution except to eating out, D & A. Well, 54 pounds is EXTREMELY killing me and the Dr.'s have me medicated on depression meds, sleeping meds, anxiety, and more (not to mention they have ZERO effect.)

I went from 497 on 10/28/2008 to 211 by 08/2009, and as of 10/1/2010, I was 157 (day mom passed). Due to the stress and anxiety, I acknowledged that I am binge eating anything, more without realizing than anything. I still get sick with too much sugar but yet somehow it is pounding itself through. Although all the Dr. offices say protein protein protein, I highly diagree. What they realize the least is that protein bars are granola bars, which are rice crispy bars, which develop into cookie bars, then, before you know it, cakes and donuts. 

Jena, the truth here is also not the fact that you needed to vent but, the fact that you vented to us all is the clear statement that a quality of motivation, confidence, desire, and discipline has disappeared. You need the help to get it back and lose that 10 pounds as much as I need someone as well. I know what I can do and that I can in fact get it done but when you lose that source of energy/thrive, you slump out. I could be wrong in what I have said or I could be right, either way, please let me know. I know I am growing, have none of the above and unless someone hears my yell for help, I could very well be back to where I was all over again.

Keep me posted.

Jose-
Thank you for the reply. I know that i've lost motivation. I know that I have an addiction to food. I know that I need to get myself back before I go too far gone.  I vowed to never go back to who I use to be.  I did this at age 23 to make myself better for LIFE, not for 4 years.

I'm sorry for the loss of your Mother. That must have been horrible. I couldn't imagine losing my Father (as I have no contact with my Mother). I know what it's like to be handed pills that are supposed to "fix" the problems and they do not work.  It's nice to know that someone is in the same boat.  I need to send an email to my surgeon as well. I know that they have some programs for "graduates".  Let me know how things go!

 Jena,
thanks for the support. I also am just pleased to know that others experience the same as myself. I hear people always saying, "well, you needed the extra pounds," not right! Stick to it and it will come off. Weed out the BS distracting you and focus. I, of all people know how hard it is to do it because it is easier said then done but think this way, we did it already...I read something yesterday, "If you chase two rabbits, you catch none." A lot of thought there, to say the least... Good luck, talk if you need....

Ugh Jose, I just lost my Mom too so I get where you are coming from - it's the deepest cut.

I just want to say that I agree with docs about protein.  The thing is you don't need to have a protein bar.  Any meats, cottage cheese, greek yogurt, protein drinks and much more are loaded with protein.  Protein helps build and keep muscle.  We need that first!

If you don't have a history of clinical depression, maybe you should get off of the meds ESPECIALLY if you feel they aren't helping you.  Try some yoga, meditation, positive input from books, recorded specials, comedy.  Don't let anyone steal your joy.  Don't let negativity penetrate you.  Do all you can then let go.  Let go of the anger, resentment, control.  Trust in a higher power.

May God Bless you,
Leila

 Lelia, I read your words and realized how much I needed to hear them. I'm guilty of letting the negativity penetrate me from so many different sources. I'm very good at talking the talk and being every ones go to person but I need to stop internalizing it all. I will read your words on a regular basis let go and trust in the higher power! I need my joy back!

Thank You and God Bless you too!

Hey Jena, I understand the low iron thing.I received a series of 6 iron infusion about 6 mos ago. It didnt help right away. My ferritin was a 3 or 4 even after many months of oral iron supplementation--w/ vit c and several different types. Eventually, underwent a Hysterectomy to resolve this issue completely.

Everyone struggles with their maintenance..you arent alone. ((HUGS))

 

Michelle

 

 

 

 

 

HI Jena,

 

Reading your post was very eerie. Our numbers are practically the same: 252 to 147 and now, 155, after 4.5 years (07/01/08). I too have suffered from depression for all of my adult life and recently began taking medication for ADD (that has helped keep me focused, but not on my weight).

I am turning towards all of my old habits and picked up a dangerous new one. I am finding solace in alcohol and plan to start attending meetings for people with addictions. Whether it's food, alcohol, drugs or whatever, addictions cross barriers, mix and mingle and resurface as new addictions.

I don't want to end up back where I was, either. I need a support group or something, but there aren't any in my area. I figure I'll pop over to an OA group and go from there.

Life is good, but I'm fighting and struggling inside to NOT become the person I was....I just feel like I'm losing the battle. :(

Sue 

OMG.  I am having the same issue too.  OMG.  this is crazy.  I have gained about 5 lbs and doing my best to get it off.  Hey, here is what I am doing.  I am increasing my protein and fiber and decreasing my snacks.  The thing is that I have a lot of ENERGY.  I love to exercise.  So maybe my issue is that I am gaining some muscle mass.  BEWARE OF THE HOLIDAYS.  Love you and GOD BLESS.  STAY STRONG AND POSITIVE.  You can follow me on twitter @iamdrtre