Almost 5 Years Post Op and I Need Help

I had my RNY in December 2007. My highest weight was 328, and on the day of surgery it was 319. I lost the weight fast and adjusted to the new diet and lifestyle easily (aside from the exercise, I didn't work out once). By January 2010 my weight reached its lowest at 162 --- a grand total loss of 166 pounds. But being a new mom, having my husband and I both out of work and living with my parents brought about a whole new world of stress and depression for me. I was able to maintain my weight for most of 2010 at around 180, but that didn't last the following year after my husband decided to join the Navy.

The experiences of his boot camp, A-School, and first deployment proved to be just too much for me emotionally. I found myself alone in a 1 bedroom apartment with no car, no TV, no friends, no family and nothing to do for months. The stress, anxiety, and depression proved to be more than I could handle and I ended up being hospitalized twice in less than a year's time at a psychiatric hospital. My only comfort was food - and I ate.

As of this past Sunday I weighed 259 -- up almost 100 pounds from my lowest -- and I am miserable. Things have settled down for me emotionally, but the scars have remained from the past 2 years. I have completely isolated myself... aside from the socialization I receive from my husband and my daughter, I don't get out of the house -- at all -- and I have no friends within 2000 miles. Physically, aside from housework, I do nothing. I sit on the couch all day watching TV, always too tired and exhausted to do anything... including playing with my daughter. I'm back to hurting, having aches and pains, should I do too much of anything, having difficulty breathing when climbing the steps to our apartment, my heart pounding by the time I walk out to the mailbox and back.

Diet wise, I can eat anything now that I did pre-surgery... except in smaller quantities. My biggest problem is that it feels like the food passes through my stomach quickly, and within 30 minutes after a meal I feel like I am starving again. I'm never full, never satisfied... so I am always grazing, looking to make that hunger go away.

I'm at a loss as what to do. What should I be eating? How often? And how much? When it comes to exercise what should I do? What should be my goals?.....and all in all... how can I be happy again?

I'm stuck --- and confused.

Someone please help.

Just know by reaching out on here you are not alone. It sounds like you may still need to speak with someone on how you are feeling about his deployment, having to live with your parents and all the other stress's  you went through. I know that some people when they are depressed it makes them eat. By no means am I a doctor, just an observation from your post. Maybe by going to someone, that will get you out of the house more, get you a little more active. Then you could start feeling a little better, walking might get a little easier. Then hopefully that will start to make you feel good about 'you' again and be able to play with your daughter. Just sounds like you need to get a cycle started for yourself and hopefully keep it going.
Sounds like you able to get the strength to make the first step before to actually have the surgery. You just need to find that strength again and keep it going.
I know its easy for someone else to tell you this. You can do, you already have.
Hope it all works out for you.
Keep us posted!

You are not alone. Look for an OA (Overeaters Anonymous) group in your area. I think you will find some people there who are caring, understand this disease, and can offer you another tool with your weight and life issues. I'm here for you and hear your desperate cries.

I am sorry to hear you are struggling!  I am 10 years post op rny.  I had weight gain due to steroids and poor eating choices.  I am still struggling to lose the weight.  I have joined the group on here named back to the basics and highly suggest you take a look at it.  They offer a lot of support and understand what you are going through.  I also understand what you mean when you say you are never full and never satisfied, I am the opposite now but have been there at some point in my journey.  My suggestions are to go back to the absolute basics.  Slow down when you eat, take 20 to 30 minutes to eat a meal.  Write everything down, try to write it down before you eat anything.  Some times this will make you think twice before eating it.  If you still feel hungry 30 minutes after a meal, try drinking water to see if the feeling of wanting to eat will go away. 

I hope this helps!  Feel free to message me.  I'd love to help anyway I can.

Stephanie E

It's frustrating and disappointing to have the weight come back on and to realize that surgery doesn't solve all of the problems, isn't it?         I still keep going back to food to soothe me.   It does work in the immediate,  but there is always regret afterward.     I'd like my mind to think long term - but when I'm in a moment - it is SO hard to redirect that desire to "satisfy" whatever. 

I hear you say you are hungry after 30 minutes - but I bet if you spend some time journalling each time you eat -  you'll find that its' not really a physical hunger for food  (your head logic can tell you that)...but that there is something emotional going on.         And if you can find a good counselor - they should be able to give you some new strategies to try.     If you can't  find a counselor,   there are lots of good books - I like the Beck Diet Solution.... if you are interested in more titles - just send me a note - I have a stack that have helped me pinpoint some of why I do what I do when i don't want to do it.    And as others have suggested - the message boards and online groups can be a wonderful tool. 

You asked for specific help .. 

Here are the rules of my surgeons program: 
Water - drink 64 oz at a minimum each day. 
Exercise -  Start small - you and your kiddo can walk.  It may be a block today, and a block and a half tomorrow, etc. - but each step sets you on your path.   Since you are lonely and  it sounds like you'd like to start building a new network of friends - I suggest you look into an exercise class ... jazzercise, zumba, yoga... or join Curves or something like that.   Something that has structure and other women.    Don't worry if you can't keep up at first - just do what you can and make yourself attend consistently. 
Protein first.   Start tracking your protein.    If you are going to snack... make sure it includes protein.  Protein will help keep you satisfied much longer than carbs. 
No snacking ..   Gosh I struggle with this.   (Especially since I'm an emotional eater).   But every day that I make a committment to focus on this I consider that a good job on my part.    I  like to track how many hours I've successfully skipped snacking or how many times I've made the right choice- instead of how many times I've failed.    

I heard a quote recently about how  "You can't move the needle on behavior change without putting blinders on and really focusing on the goal".     Personally - I let life distract me - but  I suspect if you put a plan in place - and start acknowledging the things you are doing well  - and  celebrate the small steps towards your goal... you are going to be able to move the needle on the scale. 

Best wishes - I'm covering you in prayer. 

Jody 

P.S. -  I don't think anyone has the magic answer to being 'happy' - but I have noticed that  focusing on the positives in my life is SO much more fun  than pointing out the things that disappoint me.   You can choose your perspective. 

Poor Bunny!
You have had a hard go of things, but good news. Your pouch still works! And you know you can lose weight!
When I hit my goal my head got messed up too. I have found a couple of books that work great for me.
Eat It Up! by Connie Stapleton. A great book about fixing your head after WLS. Also
100 Days of Weight Loss: The secret to Being Successful on any Diet Plan by Linda Spangle
My advise would also be to turn yourself in to a NUT and start fixing the eating plan. You already know this stuff, you just need some encouragement.
My plan calls for eating 6 small meals a day.
Focus on protein.
I aim for 80 grams of protein a day
No liquid 30 minutes on either side of eating
Try for like 200 cals a meal
Drink LOTS of water
Move a little more everyday
You can do this...we're all here for you. You can be Happy again ;-)

 You have been given so many good recommendations.  Overeaters is a great place if you are a compulsive overeater.  It would be good to check out the meetings and see if it fits for you.  I have gone back since I am a Compulsive Overeater.  I don't know if you have been reading the posts here but I have been struggling and I really believe that attending the meetings, the support of other Compulsive Overeaters, having a Sponsor and the Steps help me to keep coming back.

One of the things that have helped me loose the gain I had is tracking what I eat.  I write down what goes in my mouth.  One of the things that I did before the surgery was being completely oblivious of what I ate.  I try not to do that anymore.  I plan out my meals.  I track my calories, fat, carbs and proteins.  I track how much water I drink, I get my vitamins in.  And I hold myself accountable by posting this information here and with my sponsor on Overeaters Anonymous.

I try not to do the food/weight loss thing alone anymore.  Doing it alone, eating in isolation, all of it helped my get up to almost 400 pounds.  I was desperate, lonely, hated myself and practically suicidal.  I don't want to go back there.  You obviously don't want to stay where you have been since you reached out.  You are welcome to come post with us if you like.

Thanks for sharing and I hope you keep reaching out.

I just read your message - I am so sorry for how badly you have been feeling. One thing I can think of is Overeaters Anonymous. You have friends there. Go to several meetings to see if this might be helpful. Surgery is a tool and compulsively overheating in a symptom of much more. I hope you find strength, peace and happiness inside and out. Find friendship , hope and support in OA. Good luck in getting better.

You have a computer so look for mommy and me groups where you can meet other mothers and make some new friendships. Join weigh****chers to get a handle on your eating I am a member and I love my group, and my leaders and the program and my members keep me focused.

I have only had my surgery six months ago but I find being a weigh****cher member is a big big help to me with food. I also work out five days a week doing seven classes and that too has helped. Do some resrech and find what will fit for you and your lifestyle and take it from there.

I did the same thing after the lap band I am looking into revisional surgery to the RNY. i suffer from depressiona nd anxiety if you ever want to talk!