Having some major anxiety

Hey Everyone,

I had surgery in 11/07 when I was 25 years old - everything has been fine - no complications so far except recently.  I have a beautiful daughter (born in 12/09) most likely because of it... 

I recently (weeks ago) lost my father at the age of 55 to cancer.  From diagnosis to his death he fought hard - and it still consumed him in 18 short months.  This man was my superman, he was healthy as a horse (besides the cancer, obvs), and now that he's gone major panic is setting in about my own fate.  It's like reality slapped me in the face.  He ate right, exercised, never smoked, never drank and was always a healthy weight.  

While taking care of him on hospice and in the few weeks after he passed I had stopped eating - I lost 20 lbs. in a months time.  I was drinking soda, nursing an injured shoulder and stupidly took motrin (for the first and only time) and gave myself gastritis.  I am now on Carafate and Prilosec for two weeks hoping it clears up.  

I was a borderline diabetic and also had PCOS both of which have resolved since the surgery - the main reason I had surgery was because I was told I would most likely not be able to get pregnant unless I lost a significant amount of weight.

Now that I have lost weight and I have my daughter - I'm afraid I'm not going to be around long enough to see her grow up.  I keep having thoughts that my RNY is going to mechanically fail, I'm going to perforate an ulcer and die, or I'm just going to end up in such a huge malabsorptive mess I'll be sick and she'll have to go through what I'm going through - and that I won't be there for her.

What if I only get 10-15, 20 years out of this surgery?  What if I die at age 45 from complications?  That is so young...?  Did I have the surgery too young?  For the wrong reasons?

I'm sure this is all anxiety - but there's no data on long term post op longevity and I'm just wondering if I jumped in too fast and made the wrong decision.... 

I guess I just need some support please... 

I understand your fears and I can't and won't dismiss them because obviously its scary but the reality is life comes with no guarantee so you just need to live each and every day to its fullest and do everything you can to keep yourself healthy for you and your daughter.  I didn't have wls until my son was pretty much grown up and I missed out on doing all those fun things I couldn't do because I was embarassed and unable.  You have youth and a beautiful baby, enjoy both, sadly both are fleeting and spending your life worrying about when you might die is wasting the precious time you have to live.

None of us is guaranteed any number of years so I agree with the other poster..Chances are that you'll live a whole lot longer since having surgery than if you hadn't had surgery..

My dad passed away in May this year. He was 77 years old. I'm 53 and had my surgery at age 48. At age 49 my dad had everything I had prior to surgery, diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol..and he had a heart attack..I figure I missed that event in my own life, thank you RNY...

You just are not guaranteed anything..enjoy what you've got, while you've got it and do everything that you can to enhance your chances of living a good long life..vitamins, yearly blood work, mamograms, all that stuff..Be proactive..

Everyone has these fears now and again....and I can not speak for you as I have not walked in your shoes, but I do know for sure that I wish I could have had my surgery at age 25! Lord knows I checked my insurance company policy every year for as long as I could remember until I finally got a second mortgage on my house and paid cash because I was so desperate....by the way, sounds to me as if you had the surgery for all the right reasons...to get healty and have a child/family...life is full of uncertainties but dont let that get in the way of enjoying what you can out of it.

 Thank you for all the support - I'm having a very hard time dealing with the loss - 

I'm internalizing it and it's provoking alot of anxiety - topping it off with gastritis has also scared the bejesus out of me... I hope I didn't do any worse damage...

I'm so sorry to hear about your father. There are no words. I lost my grandfather in a horrific car accident last year (he's like a father to me) and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him, feel sad and mad and still in disbelief. I have no idea how long it takes to get to a more normal place, but just do the best you can do with regard to grieving.

I had gastritis a couple of years ago (just had surgery 5 days ago) and it was awful. I was vomiting nonstop for a week, ridiculously stressed about a job that I hated that was definitely adding to the awfulness in my stomach, and finally ended up in the hospital for 2 days. THAT was a wake up call for me.

I worry way more than the average person but you need to learn to decrease that and appreciate what you have right *now*. It's tough. I don't know how long I will live or if having RNY decreased my overall lifespan, but I do know that as I lose the weight, I will be living a much healthier and active lifestyle with my husband and two sons (6 yrs and 2 yrs old), which was one of my primary reasons for having surgery.

Good luck to you. Take care of yourself because by taking care of yourself, you are ensuring you will be around longer for your daughter. Being a mom, you probably often forget to take care of yourself, but make time for yourself and try not to spend too much time worrying about the "what ifs." If you've done any damage to your stomach, you should be able to find out from your doctor, and then just move forward from there and follow his/her instructions. What's done is done and all you can do is focus on today and tomorrow.

(HUGS) Sorry to hear about your loss.

In a way - as you noticed - your father did everything what he knew to do and still got sick. There is no guarantee.
In your case, if you worry about you and your health - that is good and bad at the same time.
Bad - since that is causing extra anxiety that you have to deal with.

But some stress is good... - because the stress can be a great motivator for you to do right things for you.
1. you need to make sure that you eat right and know that skipping vitamins and minerals is not an option.
2. You need yearly (at least) detailed blood work - so you can adjust your proteins, vitamins and minerals to reach optimum level in your body
3. you need moderate exercise to maintain a healthy muscles and good circulations.. 

Use the stress as a constructive toll to set a plan for you to follow... so you can be as healthy7 and as happy as you can be... (MORE HUGS)