re: I need help
Linda -
I'm also almost three years out ... still struggling. Some days I think it's like peeling back an onion - so many layers... and sometimes lots of tears.
Like you - I have a horrible carb addiction. I am VERY aware it's like putting sugar in a car engine - but somehow, the memories of how they used to make me feel better can still be stronger than the more recent memories of how crappy I'm going to feel after I eat the sugar. So - I keep working at it day by day - it takes work and I haven't mastered everything yet.
Like you - I am going through a period of really high anxiety and stress. I am beginning to think I've always had an unusually high level of anxiety - but I just self-medicated it for years. Now that I'm taking away the sugar (and hitting peri-menopause), it's hard to manage. I am on medication as per the psychiatrist (and it might need to be adjusted up). I've also had sessions with a psychologist who specializes in working with WLS patients (and that was affirming).
I've found a lot of insight in different books, such as the emotional eating toolkit, and the Beck Diet solution (which focuses on cognitive behavior). I also really liked "the thin commandments".
The other strategies and tools I'm working on involving finding NON-food ways to ease the anxiety and stress. (Using a health food option - is still about using food for comfort - and I need to get past that). So - I keep working on my list of things that make me feel calmer and happier. Here's my list - it might give you some ideas that will help you create your list... and then eventually you and I make that ha*****ange over where we don't need food for comfort.
Exercise, a simple walk helps. Soft things - like a blanket or favorite clothes. A nice soak in the tub. Painting my toenails. Certain types of music. Journaling (this one is hugely helpful in eliminating stress). Playing with a puppy (it doesn't have to be mine). Making time for a good fiction story. Purposely doing something nice for someone else. Cleaning (normally I hate this - but it feels like you've accomplished something, and eliminating the chaos of a mess helps). Singing. Cheering at a sporting event. A pleasant fragrance.
I don't think it's abnormal to struggle long after the surgery... I think our success will depend upon our willingness to keep trying.
Best wishes!
I'm also almost three years out ... still struggling. Some days I think it's like peeling back an onion - so many layers... and sometimes lots of tears.
Like you - I have a horrible carb addiction. I am VERY aware it's like putting sugar in a car engine - but somehow, the memories of how they used to make me feel better can still be stronger than the more recent memories of how crappy I'm going to feel after I eat the sugar. So - I keep working at it day by day - it takes work and I haven't mastered everything yet.
Like you - I am going through a period of really high anxiety and stress. I am beginning to think I've always had an unusually high level of anxiety - but I just self-medicated it for years. Now that I'm taking away the sugar (and hitting peri-menopause), it's hard to manage. I am on medication as per the psychiatrist (and it might need to be adjusted up). I've also had sessions with a psychologist who specializes in working with WLS patients (and that was affirming).
I've found a lot of insight in different books, such as the emotional eating toolkit, and the Beck Diet solution (which focuses on cognitive behavior). I also really liked "the thin commandments".
The other strategies and tools I'm working on involving finding NON-food ways to ease the anxiety and stress. (Using a health food option - is still about using food for comfort - and I need to get past that). So - I keep working on my list of things that make me feel calmer and happier. Here's my list - it might give you some ideas that will help you create your list... and then eventually you and I make that ha*****ange over where we don't need food for comfort.
Exercise, a simple walk helps. Soft things - like a blanket or favorite clothes. A nice soak in the tub. Painting my toenails. Certain types of music. Journaling (this one is hugely helpful in eliminating stress). Playing with a puppy (it doesn't have to be mine). Making time for a good fiction story. Purposely doing something nice for someone else. Cleaning (normally I hate this - but it feels like you've accomplished something, and eliminating the chaos of a mess helps). Singing. Cheering at a sporting event. A pleasant fragrance.
I don't think it's abnormal to struggle long after the surgery... I think our success will depend upon our willingness to keep trying.
Best wishes!
Hi Linda,
I haven't been here for a very long time. But I have less and less positive stuff going on in my life, and no real outlets or friends, I thought maybe I could offer something here.
Protein bars you can get online, don't limit yourself to shakes or you'll burn out. I can see your stress is really bearing down on you and out of reflex or seeking the solace of an old friend, you reach for food. I would too.
You're not really doing anything wrong, you're just allowing yourself to reach for the wrong things. Simple carbs are going to be bad to you. A good complex carb will hold you longer and be more satisfying.
I have ALWAYS drunk with my meals, and no, I don't chew everything 30 times. You will gain weight back. If the doctor didn't tell you that, he should have. I lost 120lbs which was too much, I gained 60 back and I'm okay with that. At 5'8' and about 184, I look normal. I have been a size 10/12 for several years now and it's only slightly higher than the doctor told me I would gain back. It's not what you're eating - so put that notion out of your head. In the 18 months post-surgery, your body adapts. The human body is very adaptable so the intestine that is gone that was your primary absorption center has been replaced by a different set of intestine that now does the job of the old intestine. This is normal. 30 lbs in a year? Big deal! Let's face it, we'd all like to look like VS models, but look at your before pics and where you are now and give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done. Your body knows where it should be, there's no cookie cutter here.
As far as getting off carbs - DON'T! Your body needs carbs, it uses carbs for energy. But it's important to eat the right carbs, the whole grains, the riight vegetables, the complex carbs in moderation. And please, stop obsessing over yourself, that's like the career dieter who blows it one morning and deems the rest of the day a disaster and starts anew the next day. Every moment of every day is your new life. If you make a bad choice, acknowledge it, put it behind you and move on. Geez, a suicidal husband, a little wine and you've gained a size? You will gain and you will lose. What's important to remember is don't keep stuff in the house that you would reach for over the stuff you should reach for. There are tons of websites where you can order all kinds of pretty darn good and healthy stuff, like one of my faves netrition.com.
Pull yourself together, look at what you've gone through. You're still here! There's no shame in admitting you're human. Don't beat yourself up so hard. Every day is another oppotunity to do it over again. I love a cup o'soup or ramen soup with some fresh herbs, maybe some chicken, and I use broth instead of water. It's very satisfying and very refreshing and relaxing.
Do a rethink on the whole this must go and that must go and start thinking instead of this is okay, in moderation and that is okay, in moderation. Don't give up the things that provide you with any measure of comfort, just supplement them with things you can have that will fill you up and always keep in mind this is not a diet, this is a life. Don't obsess over the carbs. You need carbs. Just have more salad than pasta, have more dairy than bread, keep something in the house you can reach for any time, I used to have a cooked chicken in the fridg at all times. Focus on you, embrace you and give yourself permission to f up now and then. I'm six years out, I have my issues - and plenty of them - but I am what I am, and I've managed to stay pretty much where I am for many years by keeping in mind what I must not have, what's okay to have a tiny tiny bit of, what it's okay to have a lot of, and to never get on a scale. My clothes fit fine, so why should I get on my doctor's never-been-calibrated scale and feel bad about myself if everything fits the way itt always has? When the doctor's nurse says "Let's get your weight" I politely respond "Let's not". My doctor can tell if I've gained or lost, he has never commented on it. F the scale, F the people who would rag on you for doing the best you can under extreme cir****tances and toast yourself with a little bit of your wine. Cut yourself some slack :)
Lisa (who wants to know why cir****tance is a bad word? Seriously, we're all adults. Your filter is a bit too tight.
I haven't been here for a very long time. But I have less and less positive stuff going on in my life, and no real outlets or friends, I thought maybe I could offer something here.
Protein bars you can get online, don't limit yourself to shakes or you'll burn out. I can see your stress is really bearing down on you and out of reflex or seeking the solace of an old friend, you reach for food. I would too.
You're not really doing anything wrong, you're just allowing yourself to reach for the wrong things. Simple carbs are going to be bad to you. A good complex carb will hold you longer and be more satisfying.
I have ALWAYS drunk with my meals, and no, I don't chew everything 30 times. You will gain weight back. If the doctor didn't tell you that, he should have. I lost 120lbs which was too much, I gained 60 back and I'm okay with that. At 5'8' and about 184, I look normal. I have been a size 10/12 for several years now and it's only slightly higher than the doctor told me I would gain back. It's not what you're eating - so put that notion out of your head. In the 18 months post-surgery, your body adapts. The human body is very adaptable so the intestine that is gone that was your primary absorption center has been replaced by a different set of intestine that now does the job of the old intestine. This is normal. 30 lbs in a year? Big deal! Let's face it, we'd all like to look like VS models, but look at your before pics and where you are now and give yourself a pat on the back for a job well done. Your body knows where it should be, there's no cookie cutter here.
As far as getting off carbs - DON'T! Your body needs carbs, it uses carbs for energy. But it's important to eat the right carbs, the whole grains, the riight vegetables, the complex carbs in moderation. And please, stop obsessing over yourself, that's like the career dieter who blows it one morning and deems the rest of the day a disaster and starts anew the next day. Every moment of every day is your new life. If you make a bad choice, acknowledge it, put it behind you and move on. Geez, a suicidal husband, a little wine and you've gained a size? You will gain and you will lose. What's important to remember is don't keep stuff in the house that you would reach for over the stuff you should reach for. There are tons of websites where you can order all kinds of pretty darn good and healthy stuff, like one of my faves netrition.com.
Pull yourself together, look at what you've gone through. You're still here! There's no shame in admitting you're human. Don't beat yourself up so hard. Every day is another oppotunity to do it over again. I love a cup o'soup or ramen soup with some fresh herbs, maybe some chicken, and I use broth instead of water. It's very satisfying and very refreshing and relaxing.
Do a rethink on the whole this must go and that must go and start thinking instead of this is okay, in moderation and that is okay, in moderation. Don't give up the things that provide you with any measure of comfort, just supplement them with things you can have that will fill you up and always keep in mind this is not a diet, this is a life. Don't obsess over the carbs. You need carbs. Just have more salad than pasta, have more dairy than bread, keep something in the house you can reach for any time, I used to have a cooked chicken in the fridg at all times. Focus on you, embrace you and give yourself permission to f up now and then. I'm six years out, I have my issues - and plenty of them - but I am what I am, and I've managed to stay pretty much where I am for many years by keeping in mind what I must not have, what's okay to have a tiny tiny bit of, what it's okay to have a lot of, and to never get on a scale. My clothes fit fine, so why should I get on my doctor's never-been-calibrated scale and feel bad about myself if everything fits the way itt always has? When the doctor's nurse says "Let's get your weight" I politely respond "Let's not". My doctor can tell if I've gained or lost, he has never commented on it. F the scale, F the people who would rag on you for doing the best you can under extreme cir****tances and toast yourself with a little bit of your wine. Cut yourself some slack :)
Lisa (who wants to know why cir****tance is a bad word? Seriously, we're all adults. Your filter is a bit too tight.
I hug my horse every day :)Lisa
Pre-Op - 254 lbs
Goal Weight - 154lbs
Today - 138lbs
Lisa,
Thanks so much for your reply, you've given me much to think about. Many things to reconsider as well. Thanks also for your positive words! I'm going to try to cut myself some slack! I'll take your suggestion and toast myself next time I drink some wine (very possibly this evening) But, I'll change from red to wine....
Cheers!
Thanks so much for your reply, you've given me much to think about. Many things to reconsider as well. Thanks also for your positive words! I'm going to try to cut myself some slack! I'll take your suggestion and toast myself next time I drink some wine (very possibly this evening) But, I'll change from red to wine....
Cheers!
Oh Linda, I had this big ol long response typed up and then I hit a key and it all went bye bye. I hate that!
I will only try this one more time. Since I haven't been here for so long, I have no idea how to adjust my numbers, but they would look like this:
Starting weight: 254
Goal Weight: 154
Current Weight: 184
And I'm okay with that! I really am!
When, at the end of '06, my husband unexpectedly lost his job, my life started a downward spiral and my immune system decided to quit their jobs. So I ended up with a nifty auto-immune disorder with horrible symptoms. On top of that, I am dealing with the transition of my daughter who is autistic transitioning into adulthood and going to college and my autistic son's school needs. All of this combined with dealing with the challenges of my disorder and when I put my weight situation into perspective, it's 30 frigging pounds. Big Deal! I can buy off the rack at any store and if I want to get rid of the biggest issue I have, all that extra skin that started as just a 'pooch' after my daughter was born and turned into a bucket of fat after the weight loss, I'd have the pannis revision surgery. But since I don't have the money right now, the next best thing is in a drawer in my dresser called Spanx. If you don't have at least 1 Spanx, you MUST get one. Want a flat tummy? Spanx. Want no skin hanging over your bra? Spanx.
You have enough crap in your life and if you were to conduct a poll, how many women would sweat 30 lbs vs 100lbs overweight, you already know the answer. Toast yourself, enjoy yourself, be proud of yourself because I've seen so many people fail with the bypass because they didn't dump. I decided not to try and see if I would on purpose. I find out the hard way that not only do sweets make me dump (anything over 8 grams) but even proteins will make me dump if the fat content is too high. So I relish going out but only to certain restaurants because food is so not a priority in my life anymore that I only want a lot of flavor if I'm paying for a meal. If they can't deliver on flavor and spice, i won't bother.
You're a winner and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. If the 30 lbs are going to bring you down, then order up a few cases of bariatric shakes, order your icky, chalky protein powder and start working out again. Or you can accept that your body re-absorbed what it feels is you ideal weight, not what your doctor thinks is your ideal weight. Treat yourself to a Spanx slimmer and you can show off a flat tummy all day long, get the Spanx bra and raise those girls high. Love yourself the way you need to love yourself. Don't beat yourself up because you're human and you have no control over what your body does. 30 lbs. I can think of a few people on this site who would give nearly anything to be in your shoes.
It's been over 6 years for me. My husband has finally come to the conclusion that he needs to research the lab band for himself. All these years of this or that diet, special, expensive, designer foods that are served in "portion controlled" amounts that a 6'3" guy isn't going to find satisfying, and enough co-morbidities to scare the crap out of me. When you feel good about you and you put the 30lbs in perspective, it's not even a bag of dog food (we buy the 40lb bags). Stress is not your friend, and the little devil on your shoulder will always tell you to for what is safe and comforting - food. Eat the food! But eat it in moderation, just a little tiny taste. I have not had a soda in over 6 years, nor a piece of cake, nor a cupcake, nor a cookie. For the first few months, going to a grocery store was torture. But when I realized that I could easily remember how something taste just by how it smelled, I no longer needed to taste it. I would stand outside of the bakery and just inhale for a few minutes and let my mind take me there. Every ingredient in every pastry mentally went through my mouth and I knew I would never ever feel the need to have something I shouldn't, or the desire to eat it. I'm not depriving myself, I just don't want something that I can get the same satisfaction from by just inhaling the aroma and letting my memories do the rest.
Linda, I celebrate you! A strong woman who has done remarkably well and felt a little insecure and reached out. I hope that by reaching back, you can take something away from me and in the process, I can take something away from you. Something that I desperately need - just a friend. Somebody to talk to, share stuff with, even if that sounds needy. I'm not needy, I just don't have any friends here, and people don't understand my issues.
Be wonderful, be happy, liberate yourself from your guilt and have a few sips for me please :)
Lisa
I will only try this one more time. Since I haven't been here for so long, I have no idea how to adjust my numbers, but they would look like this:
Starting weight: 254
Goal Weight: 154
Current Weight: 184
And I'm okay with that! I really am!
When, at the end of '06, my husband unexpectedly lost his job, my life started a downward spiral and my immune system decided to quit their jobs. So I ended up with a nifty auto-immune disorder with horrible symptoms. On top of that, I am dealing with the transition of my daughter who is autistic transitioning into adulthood and going to college and my autistic son's school needs. All of this combined with dealing with the challenges of my disorder and when I put my weight situation into perspective, it's 30 frigging pounds. Big Deal! I can buy off the rack at any store and if I want to get rid of the biggest issue I have, all that extra skin that started as just a 'pooch' after my daughter was born and turned into a bucket of fat after the weight loss, I'd have the pannis revision surgery. But since I don't have the money right now, the next best thing is in a drawer in my dresser called Spanx. If you don't have at least 1 Spanx, you MUST get one. Want a flat tummy? Spanx. Want no skin hanging over your bra? Spanx.
You have enough crap in your life and if you were to conduct a poll, how many women would sweat 30 lbs vs 100lbs overweight, you already know the answer. Toast yourself, enjoy yourself, be proud of yourself because I've seen so many people fail with the bypass because they didn't dump. I decided not to try and see if I would on purpose. I find out the hard way that not only do sweets make me dump (anything over 8 grams) but even proteins will make me dump if the fat content is too high. So I relish going out but only to certain restaurants because food is so not a priority in my life anymore that I only want a lot of flavor if I'm paying for a meal. If they can't deliver on flavor and spice, i won't bother.
You're a winner and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. If the 30 lbs are going to bring you down, then order up a few cases of bariatric shakes, order your icky, chalky protein powder and start working out again. Or you can accept that your body re-absorbed what it feels is you ideal weight, not what your doctor thinks is your ideal weight. Treat yourself to a Spanx slimmer and you can show off a flat tummy all day long, get the Spanx bra and raise those girls high. Love yourself the way you need to love yourself. Don't beat yourself up because you're human and you have no control over what your body does. 30 lbs. I can think of a few people on this site who would give nearly anything to be in your shoes.
It's been over 6 years for me. My husband has finally come to the conclusion that he needs to research the lab band for himself. All these years of this or that diet, special, expensive, designer foods that are served in "portion controlled" amounts that a 6'3" guy isn't going to find satisfying, and enough co-morbidities to scare the crap out of me. When you feel good about you and you put the 30lbs in perspective, it's not even a bag of dog food (we buy the 40lb bags). Stress is not your friend, and the little devil on your shoulder will always tell you to for what is safe and comforting - food. Eat the food! But eat it in moderation, just a little tiny taste. I have not had a soda in over 6 years, nor a piece of cake, nor a cupcake, nor a cookie. For the first few months, going to a grocery store was torture. But when I realized that I could easily remember how something taste just by how it smelled, I no longer needed to taste it. I would stand outside of the bakery and just inhale for a few minutes and let my mind take me there. Every ingredient in every pastry mentally went through my mouth and I knew I would never ever feel the need to have something I shouldn't, or the desire to eat it. I'm not depriving myself, I just don't want something that I can get the same satisfaction from by just inhaling the aroma and letting my memories do the rest.
Linda, I celebrate you! A strong woman who has done remarkably well and felt a little insecure and reached out. I hope that by reaching back, you can take something away from me and in the process, I can take something away from you. Something that I desperately need - just a friend. Somebody to talk to, share stuff with, even if that sounds needy. I'm not needy, I just don't have any friends here, and people don't understand my issues.
Be wonderful, be happy, liberate yourself from your guilt and have a few sips for me please :)
Lisa
I hug my horse every day :)Lisa
Pre-Op - 254 lbs
Goal Weight - 154lbs
Today - 138lbs
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