Common to "Relapse" at 3-5 yrs Post-Op?

I had a very interesting meeting with my therapist this morning and talked at length about my struggles with going back to "the old me" in the past few months... gaining weight, drinking with meals, too much wine, too many carbs, deep depression, increased shame... and feeling awful that I was struggling so much.  It seems my first two years I was ON-FIRE with committment, positivity, focus, and a refusal to fail.

Then my fiance was diagnosed with brain cancer, I went through terrible workplace abuse by my coworkers, and... well... here I am.

You know what my therapist said?  That most recovery from any kind of addiction, even food, usually hits the skids at the 3-5 years post-op mark.  Life happens, "recovery" becomes routine, abstinence is normal, and we lose our vigilence and intentionality.  It's also the time when the highs of change drop away and we no longer have our abstinence to reduce our shame-based identity. The normalcy of abstinence is the beginning of our struggle.  Right after surgery, when we are most abstinent, we feel our greatest sense of control over our out-of-control lives.  We start to move away from our shame and feel empowered because we are, at last, in control.  But when the new becomes normal and the WOWs stop, we begin to feel all of the old shame and pain again, and are forced to look at the problems that existed far before our surgery.

I wonder what your thoughts are on this and if you, too, struggled at 3-5 years post op.  Everything she said made good sense to me. I knew going into this that surgery would not fix my head and that my weight would no longer hide the real problems.  But it was all so glorious post-op that I couldn't imagine any other way. Now, I see that the REAL surgery and real committment are beginning. I'd like to hear about your journey as well, and if you are past this struggle, how you managed to overcome and maintain your committment.

Thanks,
Heather

Hi Heather,

This post absoluely defines the space that I occupy at the moment. I am 5 1/2 years post op and I am going through the skids as you call it right now. The last couple of years have been really hard...I guess you could say life happened to me in a BIG way and as a result I started to look for comfort and food was a part of that comfort. I feel like I am in a cave and its to dark to find my way so I should just give up....well since that is NOT an option I decided to go back to my Doctor. I realized that I was in this same place when I decided to have wls and so I needed to start my entire journey over. I made an appointment a couple weeks ago to see my Doctor about the weight gain and discuss this place in my journey and I am so glad I did. She scheduled me for some test to make sure that my pouch is still working properly and the weight gain is not do something malfunctioning. She also suggested that I see the psychologist and a dietician, so I go to see them next week. She is placing me on a six week protein fast to jump start my weight loss, and when all the results are back we will sit down and go over them to determine the next step in my journey. I really need this new start and although I know it will be difficult I really want to learn how to properly use my tool this time around ( unfortunately I did not learn this the first time around). Anyway I will keep you posted on my journey as I begin again.If you like we can be a support to one another because accountablitly is always good!! Just know that you are not alone and we can do all things through Christ!

Kelly (Covergurl)

Hi Kelly,
Thank you for sharing . Let me know how everything goes. I am SO rooting for you and understand the difficulty of this journey.  Please make me your friend so we can share it seems to help to have someone to talk to that is going through the same struggles.

I started the 5 day pouch test yesterday. I've started over again and am determined not to let this beast win. We can do this .....we can.


Good luck and stay in touch,
Patti

I've also experienced this inside my head recently but haven't been able to put voice to it. ..I mean early out it's all new, you're compliant and you're experiencing all the milestones..but then you get to the point where you're thinking "is this it?" or "now what?"

I've been journaling my food and keeping track of every bite and drink for nearly 5 years now..taking my vitamins, walking more, eating protein first, not drinking with meals but...it's getting to the point where I'm wondering if this is normal anymore..is this normal for me?

I did the rollercoaster thing, airplane seat without the extender thing, bought and drive the hot convertible, wear the mini skirt and high heels, even got the tattoo..so? Now what? NOW WHAT? 

I am just now approved for surgery and I wondered about this.  As the surgery gets closer I see where my faults are and my triggers.  We are so hard on ourselves and trying to be our authentic self takes time and the willingness to do work on ourselves.  Sounds like you are headed in the right direction.  I guess for me, I need to stop thinking that this surgery will fix everything.  I know this is not true.  I am so hard on myself.  My weight has caused so many complications, that is is difficult for me to see a future ahead.  I have diabetes, heart disease, joint pain and have not dated in over 5 years.  In 2003 I had to have quintuple bypass at the age of 37.  What a sad statement that is.  That I let my life get that much out of control and all because I couldn't step away from the vices.  

I appreciate your honesty so much and know that there is a journey ahead for me.  Pray for me as I will for you, that although we may stumble and faulter we find our way back to ourselves.  Living to nourish this wonderful gift we have been given.  Thankful for every breath we take and every season we get to see come and leave. 

You can do it!

Where do these feelings of shame, guilt and deep depression stem from. They are the focus of our thoughts.
I know self pity is my worst enemy but still feel no pleasure in my accomplishments and positive traits.


Good on you for starting this thread. I hope to share more but right now I need a good cry and a walk.

Thank you so much. And to a very good friend for sharing it.

I too am in the same place. I've never made it to goal and am 3 yrs post op. I'm scared to death to gain back the weight and know that it will happen if i continue the old "bad habits".  I deal with chronic pain and sometimes use food for comfort. I need to find a different way to cope. i'd like to befriend people who have similar issues...sometimes It just helps to talk.

I never made it to goal either and have regained nearly FOURTY pounds!  Im terrified of going back to how I was.  However, my addictions still have hold of me.  I thought I would get sick if I ate the wrong things after this surgery....it would be a detourant for me.  Not happening and never really has.  I thought I would only be able to eat tiny amounts......I eat what a "normal" person could eat...and have almost from the start.  Unfortunately I can do that multiple times a day.  Im still addicted to diet soda and cannot seem to stop drinking when I eat....thus I get hungry before time that I should.  This has been a hard journey and its heartbreaking now to look at pics of me a year ago and feel how tight my jeans are getting now.  I have battled obesity ALL of my life....I so wish I didnt spend every moment of my day thinking about my weight and what I will put in my mouth next!

Have you been reading my diary, Heather?

This is just the way I feel, the slippery slope I feel that I'm stuck on. I know that  it's not the way to think but some days I can't help it. I seem to have lost my "get up and go" I use to do everything the right way not even thinking about it. Now I struggle to make the right decisions each day and most days I loose. What's the matter with me?

Two and a half years of no problem and right now I can't even make the choices I know are right. Yes, life has gotten in the way, (death, breast cancer,accidents, etc. etc.) but seeing it in print (so to speak) voiced by another (thank-you) gives me real hope that I am NOT crazy. I just need to take a deep breath and take, as my Gran was fond of saying, a "Do Over".

We all deserve one (or two) if we need them.  I for one am talking mine, I'm going ahead and I'm going to forgive myself, (after a good cry) and take my do over.

Thanks for giving voice to the problem that some of us face. You're right, the commitment doesn't end after the weightloss. It's just a new chapter, with different joys and sorrows, different problems and solutions.

God bless and Thank-you

Sue

Wow - amazing how many of us are in this same place!  I'm about 3 1/2 years postop and am up 30 from my low, and really down on myself.  A year ago, I was working out regularly, eating right and really feeling good about myself, but the past 6 months, I've lost it, and have been on a total binge cycle with almost no activity - hence the regain.

What I REALLY wish I had was a program similar to what you have right after surgery, with counseling, support and monthly checkins.  I relocated cross-country 6 months post-op and did great for awhile, but really am disappointed in the programs available to me here, especially any that could be covered by insurance.  The program through Kaiser is VERY expensive, and the bariatric surgeon I see for adjustments doesn't have many leads.  I'm feeling kind of alone here, and I feel like I'm out of steam and lost faith in my ability to get back on track.  Burnout sucks!

In any case, I'm forcing myself to make better choices today and going back to basics - protein shakes, grilled chicken in small portions, yogurt (more or less protein, protein and more protein).  I DESPERATELY want to be back under 200 lbs, which would be 20 lbs from where I am today, and I hate that all my cute clothes are too tight again, but I just feel *tired*

Maybe we need our own little online support group so we can talk our way through this and get back on track.  I would think between all of us we probably have had enough therapy and experience with this to talk each other back into the right mindset - what do you think?