ate sugar, need to be accountable for it

I haven't eaten any sugar since before December 28 of 2010.  Today, I sort of had to do it.  It is part of my plan and commitment to myself to not eat sugar so it's a big deal to me. 

I forgot I had an appointment scheduled for a manicure this morning.  I hadn't showered or brushed my teeth and the salon called to see if I was still coming in.  I jumped up and rushed to my appointment.  I hadn't brushed my teeth yet so I grabbed some two pieces of lemon candy from the front desk to eat during my appointment just so I wouldn't knock my manicurist over with the smell my nasty morning breath.

I know that this probably seems like a really silly post to most people.  It was only a tiny amount of candy.  Sugar is just so horribly addictive for me which is why I don't eat any candy, cake, cookies, etc. I'm not beating myself up over it.   I just wanted to be accountable for eating candy.  I don't want to slip into the mindset that one little bit here and there is okay.  It's a short trip for me to go from justifying two little pieces of hard candy to eating chocolate all day at levels just below what would cause me to dump.  At six and a half years out, unfortunately I have learned exactly how far I can push my eating and still not get sick.

Thank God that I dump.  I would surely be quite heavy if I didn't.

Anyway... here I am.  I'm being accountable and telling what I did.  I ate sugar.  I had a reason to do it but now I am reinforcing my commitment to stay away from all sugars like candies, cookies, cake, brownies, sweet tea, fruit juice, etc.

Not at all silly to me at least.  I post my screw ups big and small.  Putting it out there and knowing you must come clean helps some of us stay honest with ourselves.  Its all about you.  Anyone who does not get it can skip reading it. 

Congrats on holding yourself full accountable.  Now you have the opportunity to have a back up plan.  Like those pocket disposable no water needed tooth brushes; or, sf mints/ breath strips. 

Oh God, if I had a dollar for every time I'd been THERE I'd be a millionaire..so sick...SO sick..

I'm so sorry you got sick! I hate when it happens. But it's kind of good too.

The weird thing is, we know. We know we're addicted. We know we have a problem but it's second nature. It's just like that alcoholic to say yes to the beer or the whiskey or whatever. It's just like the crack addict..just like anyone who is truly addicted to do stuff cuz they're in a rush, cuz they're busy, cuz they aren't thinking..{shakes her head} I've SO been there..

I keep sugar free candy around and sugar free gum and sugar free desserts just so that I can eat them if I feel weak. and if I have to throw them away cuz they go bad..(like desserts) oh well. It makes that portion of my recovery that much easier. See, I have this weird thing about throwing out food, even if it's gonna make me sick. Must not waste. Must not waste money or food or anything..

But, as I said, I'm in recovery so..I'm getting better. Like Chief Inspector Dryfus in the Pink Panther Movies...Every Day in Every Way, I'm getting Better and Better...

I am really struggling. I am up ten pounds since surgery.  At first it was I will give up the sugar after Christmas, then valentine's and now its Easter.  I have tried the moderation but it doesn't seem to work for me and I am very discouraged.  I prayed this would end with the surgery but I really don't dump. The thing is some part of me wants the sugar when it wants it. Maybe just getting it out there will help. I am going to call to go to the dietician this week and see what will help.

I feel your struggle! And while 10 pounds isn't the end of the world, it starts that failure, surrender, guilt spiral..It is time to get working on it before it becomes too big a problem!

Maybe a change of mind is in order. Maybe if you think about the problem as an addiction and look up something along the lines of alcoholism and look at the 12 step program substituting the word SUGAR for ALCOHOL..it would open up that possibility in how to handle it..smokers and alcoholics always tell themselves (and everyone) that I'll quit ____ like after Christmas, Valentines, Easter...

There are far more similarities to alcoholism than any other problem..