Wanting to post here more. Thinking a lot lately about motivation...

Ok, so I’ve heard this board isn’t very active. I’m wondering if that could change. So I’m going to start posting here more. Maybe I’ll be talking to myself a lot. I don’t know. I hope what I’ve heard is wrong.

 

For today, I wanted to talk about motivation. Because lately I’ve been struggling with it. When the scale stops, as it rightfully should, you have to find some OTHER reason to do this other than weight loss. I know that. I figured that part out rather early. What I didn’t expect is that it would be this hard to do.

 

I’m currently reading “Women, Food and God" by Geneen Roth and the book has been like a mirror staring me in my face, refusing to budge even an inch. In it she says that we tell ourselves stories to take us away from the here and the now and keep us trapped in the painful past. That real living is being able to stay in the present, to feel what we feel and know that nothing can destroy us.

 

Well, Geneen, those are great concepts. But I feel a bit lost. Especially when it comes to motivation.

 

I think I KNOW why I overeat when I do (and I do). Because I don’t trust this process. Because nothing else worked in the past. I seemed doomed to a genetically enforced lifetime sentence of obesity. I’m afraid that if I trust in the process, and just do what I’m supposed to do, that the “rug will be pulled from under me" and the joke will be on me.

 

How dare you think you could be a normal size, active, healthy…like the rest of us. Go sit over there and be fat! That’s what my head thinks will happen.

 

So I try to circumvent this by eating. And I try to circumvent the effects of eating with exercise. All of which are cycles that revolve around food and weight and I’ve about had it with both.

 

What keeps you motivated for the long haul. I’m dying to meet someone whose reason has nothing to do with a scale or a clothing size. I need for MY process to head in that direction. I’m just a bit confused about how to GET there.

Hey chick!  I'll come over here to see you!  I feel ya--we go thru the process of deciding to have surgery, then we have it, then we are losing and shrinking and hearing the compliments.  Then, we are done with losing.  Then what?  Now when people meet us, they don't know we are obese in remission.  We have to find new goals to keep us inspired--but what??

For me, the fitness goals have really helped.  Hiking, then a longer hike--then an off trail hike.  Or the P90X--I'm almost a year in and can do 95% of all the workouts....except I still can't do one freaking pull up unassisted.

There are times I'm lulled into thinking I'm "normal" and I can eat/drink what I want....only to be reminded by my plumbing that I'm anything but.  I'm still feeling my way thru maintenance just like you--and I'm trying to keep finding new ways to be motivated. 

You are such an inspiration!  Keep up the great work.

Kim

DING! And we have arrived at my #1 frustration with this process.

 

That stupid place between “normal" and “altered." Ugh!

 

You know what is my dream? To wake up in the morning and not think about what I want to eat. And not have to force myself not to have that same thought. To naturally awaken and think something that doesn’t have anything to do with food. Or weight. Or exercise. Or exercising because I don’t want to gain weight because I eat too much food!

 

Some days it feels like I am THERE. And just as soon as that feeling comes it goes. I need to figure out what sustains me in those moments and do more of it. Because this other stuff isn’t working so well.

And YOU are an inspriation, Ms. P90X! I have a friend who has the system who doesn't use it because he's convinced he has to "buy all the stuff first." I've been trying to coax him into selling it to me cheap since it's obvious he's NEVER going to use it.

Nik, I concure with you most of the time and I have found myself lost on the RNY board with so many newbie posts. I too hope this board can be a bit more active as I have reached a spot in my journey that I need to change my motivation and learn to live in my new body and life!

Thank you!

BTW- LOVE LOVE LOVE Geneen Roth!! I have 2 of her books (When food is love and Feeding the hungry heart) Scarey stuff when you realize she could be writing about you!

To answer your question, I don't know if I am motivated anymore?! I mean, I try to play by the rules as much as I can. I get as much protein as I can. I try to keep my calories under control. I don't go crazy with portions. But I don't exercise like I should. I'm really at the point where I want to forget that I ever had the surgery. But I know I can't do that. So that's frustrating. I'm starting to see some bounce back weight. And the overwhelming happiness with my "new" body is starting to fade as I adjust to my size and realize, "hey, 155 isn't really that small".

For example, my best friend had RNY about 7 months after me. She had about 45 lbs less to lose than I did. She weighs 150. She always complains about how tiny I am compared to her. Well, nope. Not true. We went and took pictures on Saturday and all I can see are my gigantic thighs compared to her little bird like ones. She may have a bigger stomach than me but I was just blessed with a naturally flat belly. I just can't get over how big my thighs still look to me now, when I was happy with them 2 months ago :(

But will I try to lose more weight? There's the big question. I doubt it. I don't want to lose anymore up top. I'm also scared that I would try to lose some more and I wouldn't be able to and that would seriously freak me out and **** me off. I guess when I started to maintain, I always kept that option of just a few more pounds if I want it, open. But what happens if I can't lose anymore? What do I do then?

But I guess if I really want some motivation, I'm going wedding dress shopping in the near future. So we will see how happy I am then.
Otherwise, I guess I need to read the horror stories from people with iron deficiency to get me to take my iron correctly.

Wuh-what?!?!?!?

 

REWIND!

Did I miss an announcement??? I did, didn’t I? Oy. I’m always the last to know!

 

Yeah, I feel you on the should I still try. For me it’s more pronounced because I weigh 195 lbs. If I weighed 170 I think I’d say no. Or even 180. But 195??? It seems as if I SHOULD be trying to lose more weight.

 

But this Geneen Roth chick keeps talking about natural weight. The weight your body wants you to be. Well, I got to this particular weight at the height of my compliance and no amount of deviance seems to change that (and believe me, I’ve had my fair share of moments). So maybe this is my natural weight. And maybe my struggle is to not think that sucks.  

No you didn't miss an announcement. We haven't actually "announced" it yet.  ;)

These days, my motivations change more frequently than some people change their underwear!

This week, it's about losing the weight I gained last week on vacation. Next week, it may be about fueling my body in order to intensify my runner's training. Another week, it may be about simply sleeping better when I don't stuff my belly full before bed.  Rarely, it is about just doing what I know is in my own best self interests; nourishing my body with healthy food because that's what I should be doing.

But I don't think I will ever, EVER leave the constant thoughts of food behind. I don't know that I want to; because that is the time that I find myself getting into trouble. I have to always be reminded of the journey I've taken to get where I am today; because if I forget it, it is SO EASY to get off the path.

Motivation for me? 
- My clothes.  They fit OK - I am OK, not motivated.  They get tight - I get back to a strict routine.
Over last 2 years I built nice wardrobe collection.   No money or motivation to replace that.
- my high heels and walking.  I love to wear heels - and walking in high heels is difficult when I gain weight.  So to be able to wear my heels and walk in them - I need to keep my weight down
- smiles of strangers: I smile to people a lot.  And the smiles are returned.  i went out a last weekend - and while I walked 6 blocks in my heels (to meet my friends) - people looked at me and smiled.. Couples... singles... I walked strong, in a nice dress.. feeling very confident. 
- I had PS - now I like the way I look naked. 
- Thongs - shall I say more?
- be able to walk 3-4 flight of stairs without losing my breath (in high heels... may I add)
- be able to fit on one chair with my GF... (it was not comfortable - but both of us were sitting... lol)
- I may try to go skiing next winter... need to be in shape...

Hi Cleo ;-)  I find that almost all the forums I use to post to have slowed way down...maybe it's just winter and 'no-sun' depression.  And so far, I don't think it looks like you're talking to yourself...this is a good thread..great topic..Thanks!

My motivation, like H 2 above, is my clothes.  I got rid of all my size 14's and above...if they are not there, and I gain?  I've got nothing to wear...and if I wear what I have, I am not going to be comfortable at work for 9 hours.  My head currently is causing havoc with me because I haven't reached my self-imposed goal (doc won't say a number) but hubby says 'no more'...I'm into size 10/12, sometimes 8s,  which is great...but I'm only just over 5ft...if you read the charts......well, you understand. 

I 'tried' the 'normal' person thinking for a few months...what a disaster!!  It taught me real quick I will never be 'normal' (as the pre-op psych said, what is normal?), my body is too use to being fat and will gladly, very quickly start puttng pounds back on if I choose to 'feed' me incorrectly.  And I have learned the hard way...it is not easy to lose after the 'honeymoon' is over! It's a whole new ball game...and the old rules for losing do not apply.  It's not just about cutting calories..it's watching everything and exercising more.

Besides my clothes...my 'other' motivation is hoping, one day, I will look in the mirror and see the person/body my hubby/family see...I still see the old me...maybe better put together and nicer clothes but still over-weight.  Hubby says I'm crazy..maybe he's right LOL

Thanks again, Cleo..this was a great topic!
Nancy aka Sunray