6.5 years out BACK on TRACK, yay!
Woo hoo and yippee for me! I am happily, gracefully and gratefully back on track. I have been doing great since December 28, 2010. Because it's been about a month of being on track , I can celebrate it as a trend and hold out hope that it is a permanent change.
For the first 5.5 years, I did pretty well, lost a ton of weight and did relatively well at keeping it off with a predictable amount of ups and downs. Then, I experienced some stressful life-events including my mom having to move in with us temporarily, having to help my mom set up a new home close to us, troubles with my husband, losing a foster baby, being forced to take a significant pay cut, etc. I simply crashed emotionally and reverted to my food addiction as a means to cope.
As a result, I reached a critical point in my health about a year ago. My caffeine addiction spiraled out of control. I drank coffee until 3:00 p.m. I was going through a whole pot of triple strength coffee per day. Then I grazed all night ending with a big bowl of greasy popcorn before bed. I was also eating a candy bar about three times a week and nachos on game night once a week. Certain types of candy bars had just enough sugar to not make me dump. I was quite literally punishing myself for many things I felt guilty about with the act of hurting my body with food. I was also turning to food to quell my anxieties.
I knew I had an ulcer but I didn't care. I was chronically dehydrated. I was also taking a lot of advil for body pains which I assume were from the weight gain. I dumped but I accepted it as something I deserved. I was having to sleep propped far up on a pillow to keep the reflux under control. I was taking prescription strength antacids every day. I knew I had to stop and that I was doing serious damage to my body but I couldn't stop. I hit an acute crisis at which point anything that I swallowed created intense pain. I was hurting from my pouch, through my intestines and into my bowels. That kind of massive physical pain and fear of the irreparable damage I was doing is what it finally took for me to wake up and admit to the critical nature of my health situation.
Wow, when I write that down and admit it in a public forum, I see how horrible it was. I was in really bad shape, in denial, and seriously endangering myself. I knew I needed to go back to my surgeon and admit the error of my ways and ask for help. I just couldn't force myself to do it because I was ashamed of myself.
My crisis occurred on December 28. When I reached the point that swallowing anything caused me extreme pain, it's like a switch flipped in my brain. It was clear to me exactly what I needed to do and I finally had the motivation to do it. Since then, I have been caffeine free, sugar free, mostly white flour free, nsaid free and popcorn free. I have lost 17 pounds. I am taking my vitamins daily and getting in all of my fluids and protein. I feel like I did in the first year or two after the bypass. I am full of hope and excitement. I've gone back to doing exactly what my surgeon's office told me to do.
I did great for the first five and a half years after my RnY. I was only off-track for a year. I can see what caused my derailment and I am right back on track. Yay for me!!!!!
For the first 5.5 years, I did pretty well, lost a ton of weight and did relatively well at keeping it off with a predictable amount of ups and downs. Then, I experienced some stressful life-events including my mom having to move in with us temporarily, having to help my mom set up a new home close to us, troubles with my husband, losing a foster baby, being forced to take a significant pay cut, etc. I simply crashed emotionally and reverted to my food addiction as a means to cope.
As a result, I reached a critical point in my health about a year ago. My caffeine addiction spiraled out of control. I drank coffee until 3:00 p.m. I was going through a whole pot of triple strength coffee per day. Then I grazed all night ending with a big bowl of greasy popcorn before bed. I was also eating a candy bar about three times a week and nachos on game night once a week. Certain types of candy bars had just enough sugar to not make me dump. I was quite literally punishing myself for many things I felt guilty about with the act of hurting my body with food. I was also turning to food to quell my anxieties.
I knew I had an ulcer but I didn't care. I was chronically dehydrated. I was also taking a lot of advil for body pains which I assume were from the weight gain. I dumped but I accepted it as something I deserved. I was having to sleep propped far up on a pillow to keep the reflux under control. I was taking prescription strength antacids every day. I knew I had to stop and that I was doing serious damage to my body but I couldn't stop. I hit an acute crisis at which point anything that I swallowed created intense pain. I was hurting from my pouch, through my intestines and into my bowels. That kind of massive physical pain and fear of the irreparable damage I was doing is what it finally took for me to wake up and admit to the critical nature of my health situation.
Wow, when I write that down and admit it in a public forum, I see how horrible it was. I was in really bad shape, in denial, and seriously endangering myself. I knew I needed to go back to my surgeon and admit the error of my ways and ask for help. I just couldn't force myself to do it because I was ashamed of myself.
My crisis occurred on December 28. When I reached the point that swallowing anything caused me extreme pain, it's like a switch flipped in my brain. It was clear to me exactly what I needed to do and I finally had the motivation to do it. Since then, I have been caffeine free, sugar free, mostly white flour free, nsaid free and popcorn free. I have lost 17 pounds. I am taking my vitamins daily and getting in all of my fluids and protein. I feel like I did in the first year or two after the bypass. I am full of hope and excitement. I've gone back to doing exactly what my surgeon's office told me to do.
I did great for the first five and a half years after my RnY. I was only off-track for a year. I can see what caused my derailment and I am right back on track. Yay for me!!!!!
I was really touched by your courage to post your struggle. I wanted you to know that because your experience will help others. It has helped me. I am 19months out and I am doing really great but still living with fear of failure. I am not afraid today but further down the road....and your experience has helped me realize that I can always get back on track. Too keep on doing the right stuff and the tool will keep doing its work. Thankyou for that and Yay for you!!!! and for finally seeing that you are worth the effort! Good luck
Brenda B, HW 328 PreSW 298 CW 156 Goal 165
AT GOAL..................NORMAL BMI! DOING THE HAPPY DANCE
It's easy to slip back into the old habits. I catch myself doing it too...but I'm so determined not to gain any weight back that so far I've been able to stop myself before I've done any real damage. Keep on keepin' on - one day at a time!
Jenny
Jenny
Thank you for sharing! 
God bless!!! 
Thanks for sharing this post. I have recently come back to OH after a very long absence. I too have fallen off the wagon so to speak in a great way. It is frightening to think after all I've been through since wls that I would ever again resume a dysfunctional relationship with food.
I tried to explain this to DH on yesterday...I've been very angry at having a "food addiction" who has that! What terrible irony...to have an addiction to something you need to live. I believe I'm coming full circle in underdstanding that food is just that food and it's the inappropriate abuse of food that I must decide each day not to partake of.
On March 17th I will be 7 years out. While I have gained about 40lbs from my stable weight, I am so very grateful that I haven't gained back all my weight as some have. Losing 196lbs from my highest weight seemed so much easier than the 40-60lbs I'd like to lose now, however, I have made this resolve...I will get back to basics and take it one day at a time even if it takes time to lose the weight. It's more about a lifestyle of decision and discipline than that of the delight of weight loss.
Thank you so much for your transparency. You have sincerely motivated me.
I tried to explain this to DH on yesterday...I've been very angry at having a "food addiction" who has that! What terrible irony...to have an addiction to something you need to live. I believe I'm coming full circle in underdstanding that food is just that food and it's the inappropriate abuse of food that I must decide each day not to partake of.
On March 17th I will be 7 years out. While I have gained about 40lbs from my stable weight, I am so very grateful that I haven't gained back all my weight as some have. Losing 196lbs from my highest weight seemed so much easier than the 40-60lbs I'd like to lose now, however, I have made this resolve...I will get back to basics and take it one day at a time even if it takes time to lose the weight. It's more about a lifestyle of decision and discipline than that of the delight of weight loss.
Thank you so much for your transparency. You have sincerely motivated me.
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