Don't want to be a failure....

But I am afraid I am heading that way.
Had RNY on May 1st, 2008. Started out weighing 245 and lost down to 137, a total of 108 pounds. Felt GREAT! No complications or any problems staying with the program.

Then in October of 2009 I started researching a tummy tuck. I had to quit smoking before the doctor would agree to do the surgery. I managed to do that, gaining 5 pounds in the process.

Had my Anchor Tummy Tuck on January 18th, 2010. Things did not go well, and I ended up with necrosis where the vertical and horizontal incisions met. The skin died and I was left with such a large hole that I had to go on a wound vac for 2 full months. During that time I was so depressed that I started eating an occasional slice of zucchini bread, or handful of pretzels.

I am all healed now but I can't stop grazing on the bad carbs: homemade breads, biscotti, pretzels, etc. My weight is now at 151 and I am concerned that I will never be able to control this and stop it.

I still drink my daily morning protein shake, eat healthy meals, make my own biscotti with sugar substitute. I don't track calories nor do I exercise much. 

Okay, I know what I need to do (count calories, move more, cut way back on the carbs) but can't seem to be able to do it. I thought by posting here it might be some type of  therapy for me, and I will see the "error of my ways".

Yep, that's my story. And I pray that I will stop this upward weight gain soon. Thanks for taking the time to read my confessional.

I think you are going to be fine.  You have been through a lot and you know exactly where the extra pounds came from.  It is tough believe me.  I have a hard time looking to carbs and hot heavy foods for comfort.  I have found that oatmeal helps a lot.  It is soothing full of fiber and I only have to eat a little bit to get through.  I can also add splenda for the sweet factor.

Maintanance is what this whole process ends up being about.  I think we are going into the holidays the struggle is so hard.  Tighten those boot straps and up the activity when needed.  Remember all the hard work is not worth the food.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Fran,

I have been away from the boards for way too long.  So you are my first post in probably 2 years.  I am back because of the same reasons as you - the grazing and carbs calling my name and me say "I here for you"  I did great up until recently.  Lots and Lots of stress in my life right now and I am having a hard time.  I have moved back to where I had my bypass done and have attended the last two support groups.  It motivated me but not enough.  I went back to the surgeon for the first time in two years yesterday.  What a loving and understanding place.  I thought it was worse than it was(I quit weighing myself after I went to a size 12 when I used to be six 6).  The weight gain was only 13 pounds in 2 years but still scary to me because I can see the difference and currently living in an apartment I am not getting the same walking in with my exercise that helps to keep off the weight.

After a medium size  talk, since the grazing is getting worse, he gave me a script for Topiramate which is normally given for migraines.  It has an effect of  being an appetitte suppressent..  Are there side effects. Sure, but I am ready to take the leap for awhile to get things under control.  I hope to use it as a crutch just until I get my life together and my eating under control. 

Just wanted you to know you are not alone in your struggle.  I know 12 pounds does not sound like much but it does when I went through so much to get there and I am reverting back to old habits. 

Today I start again to getting it right

Maintenance is the hardest part. Once you discover that the pouch will tolerate certain foods, it's like the dam burst and off we go to enjoy a new "treat".
What I find weird is that I watch "normal" size people (who never had weight loss surgery) eat all the things I want to eat: sandwiches, cakes, cookies, candy, ice cream, etc etc etc and they don't seem to gain weight.
But I eat a slice of zucchini bread or a handful of pretzels and I gain a pound.
How weird that my brain say's that now that I am "skinny" I should be able to eat like a "real" normal person. I guess there is something to be said about metabolisim, and I just don't have a very good one.
Oh, well, 14 pounds up and now I will put down the carbs and get my self back on track.
Tough days ahead, but confident that I can do it.
Have a great weekend!

I agree about the maintenance being the hardest part and especially abou****ching others eating "normally". My husband can eat bread, ice cream, etc. and when his weight starts to go up he just stops for a while and it goes down. Me, once I start on that stuff I can't stop so I try not to start. It's not fair but it's life for us. I also suffer from reactive hypoglycemia so that keep the carbs somewhat out of my life but even good carbs like fruits and vegs cause it for me.

My biggest maintenance problem is insomnia and eating at night when I can't sleep. It is a day to day and night to night struggle. The only thing that saves me is keeping a food journal and walking 5-6 miles a day. When I walk I can eat more without gaining. Right now I am trying to take off 2 pounds which isn't much but I know it can turn into 4, 6, 8, 10. I weigh myself every day and keep an Excel file of monthly averages and it is very revealing about how much I need to walk compared to how many calories a day I can have. I eat about 2000 calories a day and if I average 12,000 steps a day which is about 5 miles I maintain. If my calories go higher or my steps go fewer I gain.

Good luck to all of us as we conquer our food addictions one day and one hour at a time.
Sandy

You gave me a great idea..............I am pulling my pedometer out of the dust pile and start wearing it again, beginning today. That might help me tremendously. I really got out of my new life style habits quickly.
That is something that I never thought would happen. I loved weighing 137 and wearing a size 10. And now I wear a 14 and look longingly at the 10's.
My husband says "a 14 is better than the 24's you used to wear". But, that just doesn't work with my brain. I want to feel really good again!
Thanks for your reply.
All advice is helpful advice!

Yes, the pedometer is the greatest motivator in the world. My dh and the dog walk several times a day except when we are doing a long hike and if the steps aren't up to where they should be I take another walk. Good luck.
Sandy

My 3 year anniversary is just around the corner and I've gained over 20 lbs in the past year or so.  I used to tell myself that I would never let that happen, but it did, one ****tail and one pretzel at a time.  So I no longer allow anything like pretzels, chips or crackers in the house and it's amazing how I don't snack as much.  I guess I'm just to lazy to grab an apple or a yogurt, so I don't have anything at all.  As far as the ****tails, well I'm working on that, I tend to like them a little to much and talk about empty calories, yikes!

Why don't we come on everyday and talk about our goals and if we achieved them.  Anybody willing to do that with me???

Edie

I am certainly willing to give a daily goals/achievements/set backs a try.

I am feeling a bit better that I am not alone in this re-gain. I'm still sad that I wasn't prepared for it.

So, I am going to start another thread, right now................Daily Goals/Achievements/Set Backs.

Good Idea! Please join us everyone!!

Golly Fran, I read this and thought "did I write this in my sleep?"   We started out at the same weight, and although I haven't had plastics yet, they are scheduled for January.

I know what I SHOULD be doing....exercising, but I don't. My work situation has changed a lot in the last four months and I sit quite a bit more than I used to. I'm also working many 10-11 hr days, and I'm just too pooped to go exercise. Nice excuse, but that's all it really is, an excuse.

I've used hypnosis sucessfully in the past and have an appointment with a therapist the first week of December. I keep telling myself to hang in there until then, when what I should be doing is stop waiting for someone else to "fix" me! Then, I start to think about the plastics and how they're going to "fix" me.  Where on earth will I be by then if I keep up my current pace? I've gained 10 lbs in 8 months, and with the Holidays coming it scares the daylights out of me.
'
What a messed up bunch we are!  Maybe together we can make the changes we need to make.

Take care!