Shame spiral-long
Hello everyone,
I am a little over 6 years post-op and it's been one rough road for me. I've learned a lot of things about myself but it looks like there is still a lot to learn. I've put back on about 30 pounds from my lowest weight mostly due to...you guessed it - alcohol. I went from being a compulsive overeater whose favorite Friday night date was an 8 piece fried chicken from the deli and a box of dove bars (yes I would eat it all) to a two bottle of wine a night drinker. Sometimes vodka, but mostly wine as I didn't suffer from as much of a hangover after, but still felt like crap the next day.
So over the past year I have deteriorated into a pattern of drinking just about every night. I never, ever got behind the wheel of a car, however a couple of nights ago after having some cheap nasty wine (I had the next day off, so I thought what the h---) I decided to go to the store. So I get in my car and headed to the 24 hour Wal Mart which is about 1/4 mile from my home, and you guessed it friends and neighbors, I was pulled over. My breathalyzer read high and I was arrested on Super Extreme DUI and now I face the hurt locker. I have never been in trouble with the law ever in my life. I am so very scared, ashamed, confused, and mostly embarrassed. My car was impounded, I have no transportation now and am relying on friends to cart me around until I get my car back. The charges I face are grim. I am in Arizona where the DUI laws are extreme, even for a first offense. I don't know what to do. I don't make very much money and I know the fines, impound fees, lawyers, court costs etc are going to devastate me. All for one impulsive idiotic moment.
I guess I am writing this to tell my story, and hopefully reach out for some moral support and any tip anyone who has been in a similar situation can give. I thought my surgery was going to be the best thing ever, and I don't regret having it as after dropping the weight a whole new world has opened up. However, there are still deep seated emotions and feelings that were never fully addressed, ergo my addiction transferred into something even more destructive than overeating.
Thanks for reading this, and your empathy.
PS - I've quit drinking for good. I will never touch a drop of alcohol as long as I live. I mean this.
-=db=-
I am a little over 6 years post-op and it's been one rough road for me. I've learned a lot of things about myself but it looks like there is still a lot to learn. I've put back on about 30 pounds from my lowest weight mostly due to...you guessed it - alcohol. I went from being a compulsive overeater whose favorite Friday night date was an 8 piece fried chicken from the deli and a box of dove bars (yes I would eat it all) to a two bottle of wine a night drinker. Sometimes vodka, but mostly wine as I didn't suffer from as much of a hangover after, but still felt like crap the next day.
So over the past year I have deteriorated into a pattern of drinking just about every night. I never, ever got behind the wheel of a car, however a couple of nights ago after having some cheap nasty wine (I had the next day off, so I thought what the h---) I decided to go to the store. So I get in my car and headed to the 24 hour Wal Mart which is about 1/4 mile from my home, and you guessed it friends and neighbors, I was pulled over. My breathalyzer read high and I was arrested on Super Extreme DUI and now I face the hurt locker. I have never been in trouble with the law ever in my life. I am so very scared, ashamed, confused, and mostly embarrassed. My car was impounded, I have no transportation now and am relying on friends to cart me around until I get my car back. The charges I face are grim. I am in Arizona where the DUI laws are extreme, even for a first offense. I don't know what to do. I don't make very much money and I know the fines, impound fees, lawyers, court costs etc are going to devastate me. All for one impulsive idiotic moment.
I guess I am writing this to tell my story, and hopefully reach out for some moral support and any tip anyone who has been in a similar situation can give. I thought my surgery was going to be the best thing ever, and I don't regret having it as after dropping the weight a whole new world has opened up. However, there are still deep seated emotions and feelings that were never fully addressed, ergo my addiction transferred into something even more destructive than overeating.
Thanks for reading this, and your empathy.
PS - I've quit drinking for good. I will never touch a drop of alcohol as long as I live. I mean this.
-=db=-
How brave of you to post this. We all know there are a hundred more people with this problem out there at least. Your story may keep what happened to you from happening to them. All you can do is admit you were wrong which you already have and ask for any help you can get from the law. Showing you have been attending AA until your date withthe law could only help; I would guess.
I am lucky even one fourth of a drink makes me ill;violently! Wi**** was the same with sugar!
Good luck!
Mary
I am lucky even one fourth of a drink makes me ill;violently! Wi**** was the same with sugar!
Good luck!
Mary
I hope each of us sees your post and knows that "THERE BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, GOES ME!"
I'm so glad you posted this. Each of us needs to know that when you think you're indestructible...you're not. When you think you've got it made, you can still really really mess up..
You can get through this trial not too bruised and none the worse for it. You're a strong person!
You might want to take your copies of court documents and frame them and put them somewhere in your house where you will see them every day..with a posty on them that says "Never again."
I'm so glad you posted this. Each of us needs to know that when you think you're indestructible...you're not. When you think you've got it made, you can still really really mess up..
You can get through this trial not too bruised and none the worse for it. You're a strong person!
You might want to take your copies of court documents and frame them and put them somewhere in your house where you will see them every day..with a posty on them that says "Never again."
Yes, RNY worked for me but it also requires a lot of work from me!
Before Surgery: 214
Highest Weight: 240
Now: 125.6
Goal: 130
Before Surgery: 214
Highest Weight: 240
Now: 125.6
Goal: 130
DeeBee,
Thank you for posting your story. It took much courage to post it on-line. Your bravery has encouraged me to also share my story.
I had RNY bypass in May of 2007. I lost a total of 80 lbs. and was doing well, until I succumbed to alcohol consumption. I had not addressed the roots of my addictive, compulsive personality. I started looking good. I started to go out to bars, dances, wineries, parties with a group of friends that were drinkers. I thought that I was having a good time. About a year after bypass surgery, I started having an innocent enough (so I thought) glass of wine while I was grilling or cooking dinner. That melded into further having another glass of wine with dinner. Eventually, I had another drink after dinner. .....and so it went, until I became physically and mentally dependent on alcohol. I was an alcoholic.
Follows are two years of seeking sobriety, mixed with relapses. The gain of most of my lost weight. Severe illnesses (electrolytes severely out of balance) requiring at least 4 hospital stays, my last hospital stay was in April this year---electrolytes out of balance, causing heart arrhythmia. It took the doctors 5 days to get my heart beating normally. The toll also included one (self-admitted) 21-day treatment center, away from my family. ....And one week-long hospitalization in a psych ward, after I threatened suicide. I had given up all hope of beating alcohol and saw no hopeful way out. I was so tired of relapsing and ending up hospitalized. I was terribly ashamed and embarrassed. I was putting my family through so much---I just wanted to end it. By then I had tried at least three or four different types of alcohol treatment centers/interventions, including Alcoholics Anonymous.
After this last scare with my heart, I got in Alcoholics Anonymous and worked the program differently this time. I followed seasoned AAer's advice, worked the steps and got a good sponsor. I have now been sober for 5 months and with God's grace will stay sober.
That brings me to today. I am now sober, but have started to over-eat again. Yesterday I saw a doctor for my hip pain. He told me that I need a hip replacement, but would not do the surgery ---as it would be extremely high risk at my heavy weight. I have osteoarthritis (no cartilage between the bones in hip joint). It is extremely painful to walk. (The osteoarthritis is in no way related to having a bariatric bypass---doc tells me that it is hereditary. Indeed, my thin brother has had both of his hips replaced) This week I will start attending Overeaters Anonymous and will pray that I can get to the bottom of my addictive personality.
It is taking courage on my part to post this info, as someone who knows me may see the post. I have thought of posting before, but held back for fear of the info being used against me.
My purpose for posting my story is not to dissuade anyone from getting the bariatric bypass procedure done......but to encourage everyone to please address and delve into any/all compulsive/addictive behaviors that they may have prior to having the surgery. In that way, you stand a much, much better chance of lifelong success with weight loss, maintenance and a healthy life.
God bless you all. I do hope that this helps someone out there.
Thank you for posting your story. It took much courage to post it on-line. Your bravery has encouraged me to also share my story.
I had RNY bypass in May of 2007. I lost a total of 80 lbs. and was doing well, until I succumbed to alcohol consumption. I had not addressed the roots of my addictive, compulsive personality. I started looking good. I started to go out to bars, dances, wineries, parties with a group of friends that were drinkers. I thought that I was having a good time. About a year after bypass surgery, I started having an innocent enough (so I thought) glass of wine while I was grilling or cooking dinner. That melded into further having another glass of wine with dinner. Eventually, I had another drink after dinner. .....and so it went, until I became physically and mentally dependent on alcohol. I was an alcoholic.
Follows are two years of seeking sobriety, mixed with relapses. The gain of most of my lost weight. Severe illnesses (electrolytes severely out of balance) requiring at least 4 hospital stays, my last hospital stay was in April this year---electrolytes out of balance, causing heart arrhythmia. It took the doctors 5 days to get my heart beating normally. The toll also included one (self-admitted) 21-day treatment center, away from my family. ....And one week-long hospitalization in a psych ward, after I threatened suicide. I had given up all hope of beating alcohol and saw no hopeful way out. I was so tired of relapsing and ending up hospitalized. I was terribly ashamed and embarrassed. I was putting my family through so much---I just wanted to end it. By then I had tried at least three or four different types of alcohol treatment centers/interventions, including Alcoholics Anonymous.
After this last scare with my heart, I got in Alcoholics Anonymous and worked the program differently this time. I followed seasoned AAer's advice, worked the steps and got a good sponsor. I have now been sober for 5 months and with God's grace will stay sober.
That brings me to today. I am now sober, but have started to over-eat again. Yesterday I saw a doctor for my hip pain. He told me that I need a hip replacement, but would not do the surgery ---as it would be extremely high risk at my heavy weight. I have osteoarthritis (no cartilage between the bones in hip joint). It is extremely painful to walk. (The osteoarthritis is in no way related to having a bariatric bypass---doc tells me that it is hereditary. Indeed, my thin brother has had both of his hips replaced) This week I will start attending Overeaters Anonymous and will pray that I can get to the bottom of my addictive personality.
It is taking courage on my part to post this info, as someone who knows me may see the post. I have thought of posting before, but held back for fear of the info being used against me.
My purpose for posting my story is not to dissuade anyone from getting the bariatric bypass procedure done......but to encourage everyone to please address and delve into any/all compulsive/addictive behaviors that they may have prior to having the surgery. In that way, you stand a much, much better chance of lifelong success with weight loss, maintenance and a healthy life.
God bless you all. I do hope that this helps someone out there.
You hit the nail on the head with regards to getting to the bottom of your addictive personality. I am starting a real journey with telling the truth about myself that I have been hiding for my whole life. I hid behind food for the first part of my life and have started on the slippery slope of alcoholism for the second part and luckity I got a wake up call that has nipped it in the bud, so to speak.
i have been fearful and unhappy all my life and now I have to start looking into why that is and getting happy without the aide of mood altering substances.
Sounds liek you have a lot more medical problems lashing at you where all I have are legal problems with me for now, at least. I hope you can get your medical situation sorted out as I hope I can get through this legal battle fairly easily. I don't think they can punish me half as much as I have already punished myself.
-=db=-
i have been fearful and unhappy all my life and now I have to start looking into why that is and getting happy without the aide of mood altering substances.
Sounds liek you have a lot more medical problems lashing at you where all I have are legal problems with me for now, at least. I hope you can get your medical situation sorted out as I hope I can get through this legal battle fairly easily. I don't think they can punish me half as much as I have already punished myself.
-=db=-
Most drinking laws are based on Blood Alcohol Concentration and I've often wondered what effect bypass surgery has on drinking. I noticed that I have signs of intoxication very quickly and then very quickly return to what seems like normal.
I don't think anyone has looked at how WLS patients metabolize alcohol; so, if you are pulled over and are given a breath test, does the breath test give accurate BAC results for a gastric bypass patient? Secondly, if you ask for a blood draw is there sufficient data on WLS patients to be able to determine your BAC when you were pulled over?
Good luck, your unique medical condition might give a competent attorney lots of ways to help you HOWEVER I will advise you stop saying things like "I was pretty obvioulsy wasted" on publc Internet forums. I think it best you "STFU" until you are found innocent or the appeal process is over.
I don't think anyone has looked at how WLS patients metabolize alcohol; so, if you are pulled over and are given a breath test, does the breath test give accurate BAC results for a gastric bypass patient? Secondly, if you ask for a blood draw is there sufficient data on WLS patients to be able to determine your BAC when you were pulled over?
Good luck, your unique medical condition might give a competent attorney lots of ways to help you HOWEVER I will advise you stop saying things like "I was pretty obvioulsy wasted" on publc Internet forums. I think it best you "STFU" until you are found innocent or the appeal process is over.
DB -
I'm sorry this happened, and I'm sorry you have to walk through the consequences. Thank heavens embarrasement and legal fees are the limits of the consequence, and that this didn't come up after you were in a car accident. (I'm a silver lining kind of girl...)
My son had a DUI at age 19. He wasn't expecting that either. Yes it hurt, yes it was inconvenient, and yes it was expensive. But he survived, and you will too.
I think you understand that those of us with addictive personalities need to be cautious about what additictions we let grow. I'm avoiding drinking or gambling for just those reasons. I've had to put limits on shopping - and stay out of the temptations of the stores. I'm secretly hoping that my addictive tendencies will grab onto exercise - I think I might be getting close there - at least it's healthy. I'm working with a psychologist now - part of our discussion centered on why I sometimes choose to eat - I've thought a lot about it - I have a lot of balls to juggle and responsibilities - sometimes I am choosing food simply becuase I am out of coping strategies and I understand who and how overeating will hurt. I'm hoping to find more strategies, but in the mean time - the point is - we make choices - we just need to make sure we can live with the consequences.
Jody
I'm sorry this happened, and I'm sorry you have to walk through the consequences. Thank heavens embarrasement and legal fees are the limits of the consequence, and that this didn't come up after you were in a car accident. (I'm a silver lining kind of girl...)
My son had a DUI at age 19. He wasn't expecting that either. Yes it hurt, yes it was inconvenient, and yes it was expensive. But he survived, and you will too.
I think you understand that those of us with addictive personalities need to be cautious about what additictions we let grow. I'm avoiding drinking or gambling for just those reasons. I've had to put limits on shopping - and stay out of the temptations of the stores. I'm secretly hoping that my addictive tendencies will grab onto exercise - I think I might be getting close there - at least it's healthy. I'm working with a psychologist now - part of our discussion centered on why I sometimes choose to eat - I've thought a lot about it - I have a lot of balls to juggle and responsibilities - sometimes I am choosing food simply becuase I am out of coping strategies and I understand who and how overeating will hurt. I'm hoping to find more strategies, but in the mean time - the point is - we make choices - we just need to make sure we can live with the consequences.
Jody
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