need advice...marriage

I don't talk about my marriage much because OH is public, but I will say that I understand some of what you are going through.

However, my belief has always been that no *one person* can be all things to you. I think it puts a big strain on a marriage if you expect your spouse to fulfill all your needs -- or even just a lot of them. IOW, this "soulmate" stuff is a lie we've been sold.

My husband is a homebody and an introvert and I am not. But we make a good team, we love each other, and we enjoy each other's company. I can't really imaging life without him and the kids.

In the meantime, I have hobbies and friends and myself to fill a lot of my needs. I have friends I flirt with, friends I work out with, friends I gossip with, friends I talk about intellectual stuff with, etc. I have my interests. I have my work. I have my kids.

I also like myself. I think that last one is REALLY important -- if you don't like yourself, it's very tempting to get validation from others and what's more validating than some hot guy telling you that you are hot stuff??

That doesn't mean you should stay in a marriage where you feel under-appreciated or neglected. And I definitely don't buy the "he stay with you when you were obese so you owe him" vibe I get from some people in the WLS community. Of course he stayed with you -- you rock!

The question is: how much of the marriage is working and can you get the stuff that isn't from other (safe) sources. If the stuff that is bad outweighs the good or you feel taken advantage of, that's a different situation than if you are expecting your husband to be everything to you.

You need counseling, so you do not do something you regret later on.
Also - try to find some activity that both of you can enjoy - if he is willing - you have a long past - and he loves you.  You can go for couples counseling, etc.  The children deserve a good home with both parents. Think twice - act once...