Had 3 post-op pregnancies - now facing 73 pound regain

I am feeling so incredibly down on myself.    I had RNY in 2004.  In 9 months I went from 275 pounds to 150 pounds and felt fabulous!  At 10 months post-op I became pregnant.  That is where I began to not follow the rules.  Because I was an early post-op my ob/gyn wanted me to eat very often.  I got in the habit of eating every 2-3 hours.  At the beginning of my pregnancy it was always healthy foods - lots of protein, fruits and veggies.  By the end of my pregnancy it was some healthy food and also lots of cookies, pretzels, and other junk.   I gained 35 pounds with my pregnancy.  I tried to get back to healthy eating after giving birth but it was hard.  I did lose some weight but not all of it and got pregnant again.  I gained a lot of weight again and afterwards did not lose it all and then got pregnant with my 3rd child.  I gained a ton of weight and still have not lost it.

I just hate myself for this.  I have no idea how I will lose this much weight again.  My pouch feels completely stretched out.  I get worse hunger pains now then before I had RNY.  I still get full quickly, but I can literally feel the food leave my pouch within minutes, even dense protein like chicken breast.  Maybe it's my stoma that is stretched.  I would like to go see my surgeon or nut for advice but I'm too embarassed.  I'm 73 pounds above my lowest weight.

I now have a 3 year old, 18 month old, and 3 month old which makes my life very chaotic.  I start every day with the intention of changing my eating and I always screw up.  I tried the 5 day pouch test and screwed up.  Sometimes I feel like this is just my lot in life - some people were born to be fit and healthy and some people were born to be fat.  I'm fat and even surgery won't change that.  I just want so desperately to be healthy for my kids that i feel like I can't give up on this.  I have to find it in myself to get back on track

Thank you so much if you read through this.  Anyone else have this problem?  Any advice?  How did you get back on track?

Hi Lilly,

It's time to stop beating yourself up and get back on track. You've done it before and you can do it again. It sounds like you could benefit from some sort of program that will hold you accountable (weigh****chers, tops, overeaters anonymous). I found myself grazing while at work, hungry a lot and wanting to fill that hunger with food. I am so fearful of regaining my weight that I limit myself to 3 meals a day plus a mid morning and mid afternoon snack. Remember all of the tools that helped you have initial success. These are my rules:

1) follow a food program precisely, keep food journal if necessary
2) don't drink 1/2 hour before/after meals
3) eat slowly and chew
4) exercise at least 1 hour each day
5) drink 70 oz water and eat 70 oz proten
6) take all vitamins
7) weigh daily and don't let the scale get beyond 5 lbs. of goal
8) attend support group meetings, read OH daily
9) pray for strength

Hope some of my rules help you. My mantra is 'NEVER AGAIN". I've lived my life as a yo-yo and hopefully if I follow my rules I won't ever need to be an obese woman who can't walk again.

Stay in touch. We're here to help one another succeed!

Kathie - Those rules are awesome!  I really admire you - that's how I want to be too!  I think I am going to try to post on the accountability thread that's on here every day, plus keep track of what I eat in my own food journal.  Once my husband is home and can stay with the kids, I'm going to go shopping for lots of protein foods and throw out all the junk in my cabinets.  I'm even going to start drinking my protein shakes again.  I have to stop beating myself up, b/c what's done is done.  No matter how much I dwell on it, my weight isn't going to change unless I CHANGE.  

Lilly,
   You didn't fail... you had children and now are busy with 3 small children that make it difficult if not impossible to focus on yourself.  You need to work on small changes over time.  I'll be thinking of you... you can do this.  'Think positive and don't be so hard on yourself. I think Kathy's rules are great and if you fall off track just get back on track.